Posted by Brenda on August 30, 2000, at 11:24:54
In reply to Re: Brenda?, posted by Greg on August 27, 2000, at 11:25:17
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Greg,
Sorry for the delay in writing back. As for remaining sane - I just try to find little pockets of it here and there. My feeling is that life in general is pretty insane - it's the small things that keep us sane. Like that first quiet cup of coffee in the a.m. after my husband leaves for work. My husband is a full-time law student at 41 yr. old. This is his last semester. That God for that. He also works part-time. We have 4 dogs and 3 cats and a small house. It gets REALLY wild here. Throw into the mix that he is manic depressive and I'm your garden variety of depression and anxiety. My husband isn't in treatment right now. Can't because of the Bar Exam coming up and this thing called a Moral Character Exam. It's like an FBI background check - so any treatment he has will show up. The CA. Bar can deny him from taking the test if they turn up any mental stuff. It's really scary. After $70K in debt for school, we just can't take the chance - Hence a VERY chaotic life. Like I said - that first cup of coffee after he leaves in the a.m. is a small bit of heaven. I'll have 20 yr. sober this Dec. Seems like yesterday. When I get really stressed I still think about drinking. That never goes away - it's just diminished some. Most of the time I don't even think about it. Too much going on. Did I mention I have my own business at home? I'm lucky in that respect.
About keeping your head above water - thats cool. It's better than drowning. Just go with the tide and you'll soon find yourself out of the rip current. Then you can float on your back until you reach the shore.
It is very stressful to be diagnosed with a serious mental disorder. BPI or II is tough stuff. You can get into a real merry-go-round finding the right meds. I was diagnosed BPII and put on Topamax and a slew of different AD's. It really f----ed me up. I found a psych doc who was willing to listen to me. As it turns out I have GAD and depression. My depression was manifesting as agitation and sadness. When I stopped the Topamax and MOA's or is it MAO's, I felt much better. I do best on Zoloft 150 to 200 mg. a day and Xanax prn. I personally feel that the diagnosis of BPII is the "new thing" in psychology. Kind of a designer mental disorder. However, if mood stabilizers help you, then it's the real thing. If they make you worse - then maybe there's a different way to approach the treatment. Anyway - that's my own personal test for diagnosing BPII. The criteria for BPI is very stringent, and I think a lot of what is anxiety or depressive based agitation is being diagnosed as BPII.This is kind of funny - you haven't heard from me in awhile and now I'm writing you a little book! Go figure!
I'm thinking of you and saying a little prayer also. You've got your hands full! Just remember to go with the tide until you find you can float.
Be well, BrendaHey,
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> How could I possibly forget you? We float in the same boat you know. Glad to hear that you are still with us. I hope you're holding up under the chaotic days, they can really take it out of you. I was recently dianosed Bipolar and Manic Depressive so I've been fighting to keep my head above water. A whole new bunch of feeling and issues to deal with but at least now I know why. Funny how thing seem a bit easier to tolerate when they have a name...
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> I've always found your views to be well thought out and insightful and I really miss your input here. I hope you'll come back for a visit a little more often. I'm REALLY glad you're still sober (first things first), but you're going to have to teach me about the sane thing. I feel like I'm losing my mind more often than not. I haven't tried Zoloft (yet), please tell me how that works for you. I'm trying desperately to find a med to help me get things under control. The only thing that seems to be working at all is the Lithium.
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> I'm still hoping to get a Cal meeting together, but with everyone's schedules be so hectic, I thought I'd let it calm down for a bit before posting about it. I hope we can work something out, it would be so cool to meet some of you!
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> Sorry I had to leave such a short message for you yesterday but as I said, I had a wedding to go to and was on the run. It was really a nice wedding (the bride's name was Brenda BTW).
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> Anyway, write back when you can, hopefully things will settle down for you soon. I'll be thinking about you!
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> Hugs,
> Greg
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> > Greg, How nice of you to remember me. I'm still around, though not as much. My life is a bit chaotic these days. Also, never really felt like I was that well received in the PB group. My feelings on BPI and II were pretty controversial. However, I remain sober and sane. Still on Zoloft and Xanx.
> > Are you still planning a Calif. group get together? I may have missed that post? Once again, you made my day by asking about me.
> > Be well, Brenda
poster:Brenda
thread:194
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/339.html