Posted by shar on September 11, 2000, at 2:16:00
In reply to Re: Kinda worried » allisonm, posted by JaneST on September 10, 2000, at 22:45:22
A -
I would strongly encourage you to determine what your GOAL is in this situation. Do you want to let your boss know you are not reacting due to a medical problem, but due to stress? Or, do you want to tell her that a couple of days off would do you a lot of good, as opposed to a leave of absence. Or, that you took her at her word when she said a few weeks ago that she was pleased with your work, and now you are unsure where she stands?Until you decide what you want her to know, and what you want to find out from her, it can be confusing. If your goal is to minimize what she suggested, you may just let it lie, not mention it, tell her instead how you really appreciated her support when she said you were doing so well and how that gave you renewed vigor in handling these crises, and BTW boss, here are this weeks crises and tell her what you are doing about them.
I don't think that focusing on whether or not you need medical leave will help achieve a goal, unless the goal is to be sure your boss understands that you are strong and capable. Obviously you are. And, it is really important for you to realize that there just has to be some projecting going on with her.
I am all for documenting things, but I would be really careful about what I wrote in an e-mail. You have called HR, and you can document that, and you can journal (sort of) the on-going meetings with your boss.
If she asks how you are, I would be neutral or on the white-lie side of things. "You know, boss, for a while I was super stressed, but I started watching my caffeine, and sugar intake, and getting outdoors more, and I am a lot better."
Of course you could add, "It would be so nice if we were only putting out our regular brush fires, rather than the conflagration that's been going on."
If someone is going to betray you, the less said the better, and the more positive the better, and if you can compliment her for being able to manage it all, that's a good one too.
Just my opinion. I had a boss (my last boss) who turned out to be a snake in the grass, and I believe being cautious but friendly is good. You can always be less cautious, but once you've been too open, you can't take it back.
Watch thy back and good luck!
Shar
> Allison:
>
> Just some thoughts here...I'm curious as to how this subject of leave was left between you and your supervisor...did she give you a specific time/meeting/etc. to let her know your decision or was it thrown out on the table in a hypothetical way? Sounds as though the stress and 'tenseness' is getting to her, too.
>
> IMHO, if there was not a definite 'get back to me on this' time I would wait for her to bring the subject up again...if 'get back to me' was kind of vague, you might think of doing a memo or email...keeping it brief and de-personalizing it, but stating/clarifying you appreciate her recognizing how lately the department/caseload has mostly been in 'crisis management mode' and that, being there for over 4 years now, you recognize that, over time, things will return to their 'normal' crisis mode and that you're sure you BOTH look forward to things evening out.
>
> The reason I'm suggesting memo/email is to start the documentation process...only you know if you should do that..that's why the above paragraph is inclusive of the department and her...whether you want to document or have the conversation, only you can judge...if it's a conversation maybe in addition to the above you could say something like:'At first I thought you were joking...but I can assure you there is absolutely no need for a leave (medical or otherwise) of absence...but thanks for asking.' In my view this is an out for her and letting her feel like a 'good' manager.
>
> All of that said, yes, yet again in the world of work, You are expected to rise above and be the better of the two...as far as looking for something else, make sure it's not a knee-jerk reaction...otherwise, you could land in the same kind of spot or worse. You will know the right thing to do when the time comes.
>
> Best of luck...and let me know how it goes.
>
> Jane
poster:shar
thread:469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/489.html