Posted by roo on September 14, 2000, at 12:23:44
In reply to Re: Marriage Anxiety, posted by Cindy W on September 14, 2000, at 9:58:58
Cynthia,Thanks for your reply :-) Yes, I'm seeing a therapist,
but we don't seem to be making a whole lot of progress
on the issue. Of course these things take time, and
I'm not the world's most patient person. She thinks
it might be related to my not liking to need people.
Fear of "neediness".
My _possible_ ptss trauma--not sure if it would qualify
for that or not, but between the ages of 2 and 4
I was in a religious commune where I was pretty
neglected (physically and emotionally) and didn't
get to be around my parents very much. The biggest
part of the trauma came from going to a month long
camp (when I was 3) away from family and really
physically neglected (remember sleeping in a urine and
feces saturated sleeping bag, outhouses with shit and
flies everyplace, covered in infected bug bites,
pink eye, etc.).
Someone told me today that if a trauma of some sort
happens at that particular age--when you need a lot
of nurturance, but also your beginning to develop
your independent identity, it might result in either
becoming really "needy" or overcompensating by being
overly independent and being really afraid of being
"needy". I think I'm the latter of those two.
I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but
I do know that this man was extremely nurturing and
he almost felt to me like the mother I always wanted
but never had...I came to really depend on his comforting
qualities. Maybe I'm scared I'd turn into a helpless
baby again, and go back to that awful place, I don't
know.
I just hate to think I have to lose the best man I've
ever known b/c of this anxiety. Or maybe I'm overanalying
everything and he's just not the right guy...
I don't feel like I can trust myself on this one.
poster:roo
thread:546
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/552.html