Posted by Hannah on November 10, 2000, at 7:58:36
In reply to An Arrow in the Heart » Hannah, posted by Mark H. on November 9, 2000, at 22:23:37
> Dear Hannah,
>
> Ahhh, interesting comment. I didn't ask whether you and Greg had resolved your differences. I asked why you "objected to what Greg wrote," which is something you still have not articulated.
>Actually when you said you were more interested in process that content I didn't know what you were talking about. Greg apologized and said he realized he never should have posted that. Maybe you should ask him what he regretted
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> I also asked if you could see how your own definition of abuse defines you as an abuser? Neither of these is a particularly hard question to understand.I'm not perfect. If I hurt someone I want to know about it so I can change. I'm not sure what you're using as "my definition of abuse."
>
> I was hoping you were up for a little self-exploration, and that we might have taken it to yet another level. It would have been interesting to explore how chronic victims actively invite and perpetuate victimization through their choice of words and targets. Few victims have the courage to look at that; those who do rarely remain victims.
Are you implying I am a chronic victim? You barely know me!!Blaming the victim is hardly an original idea!! Neither is your earlier suggestion that it is bigoted to accuse someone else of bigotry. I think both get occasional airtime on Rush Limbaugh. I don't think it is shameful to be a victim but I know that many people who have endured abuse now call themselves survivors rather than victims. I think that is partly a response to the "blame the victim" movement.I don't consider myself any kind of victim at all (at least not a passive one) but I would be if I refused to speak up when I am being hurt or see others being hurt.
>
> An arrow in the heart is the fault of the person who chooses to pick it up and thrust it through her own chest. I'm afraid you didn't get the most basic point I was trying to make.>
I get your point now. I just don't agree with it.
>
>
> > I don't really get your point. An arrow in the heart is not the fault of the person who is shot whether or not the shooter was aiming at her intentionally. I tried to make it clear that I objected to what Greg wrote not who he is. I think Greg and I have resolved our differences. I don't really know what you want to know or accomplish so I don't think I'll try to answer questions I don't understand.> Dear Hannah,
>
> A teacher of mine once asked, "An insult is like an arrow that falls harmlessly to the ground at your feet. Why do you insist on picking it up and stabbing yourself in the chest with it?"
>
> In skimming the "light-hearted" thread above, what seemed to be missing was any calm, compassionate, instructive explanation of what exactly was offensive (even "abusive") to you and one or two others about what Greg had written.
>
> I am only asking for more information, not siding with Greg or defending what he wrote. Actually, I am much less interested in the content of the interaction than I am in the process.
>
> It seems to me that claiming what Greg wrote was "abusive," without asking him any questions about his intention or presenting any evidence for making that claim, is precisely the same as labeling an individual with any pejorative. Is it possible that your own comments to Greg, by your own definition of what constitutes abuse, were themselves "abusive"?
>
> In each era, we imagine we know what is right and wrong within a context of social change, and sometimes in our outrage and desire to correct injustice we make dangerous assumptions on the barest of details. We miss the irony that calling someone a bigot is itself an act of bigotry, that all of the "isms" are just labels that reduce people to stereotypes.
>
> I realize this is a much deeper and more complex issue than I have suggested here, but perhaps this is a useful start.
>
> Best wishes,
>
> Mark H.
poster:Hannah
thread:2414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2458.html