Posted by mair on March 26, 2001, at 16:01:11
In reply to harooooo, posted by mars on March 25, 2001, at 8:59:54
>Mars:
Mair=Ksvt. I decided to use this moniker because it ties into a much safer email address and is not an acronym. (I recall ShelliR having an issue with this) I, too, have not been around much either as a lurker or a poster. About a month ago I started a new drug. I titrated it slowly so I've only been up to where my pdoc wanted me to start for not quite 2 weeks. In the meantime, I've had pretty awful side effects, and no therapeutic benefit. My primary side effects were that I couldn't sleep very well but always felt tired and sluggish. Most of the time I wandered around in a total fog, which is definitely embarrassing and bad for someone who has a job where you sort of need your wits about you. I never considered switching this drug, because I wanted to give it a chance to work. What I didn't really realize, was that the drug or a combination of the drug and depression was gradually making me pretty obsessively suicidal - certainly more than I ever have been. During the last couple of sessions, my therapist started raising the issue of hospitalization. I sort of blew her off because I had (and have) no intentions of admitting myself to a hospital and frankly could see no point unless there was some plan to make a major drug shift. I didn't pick up on how serious she was until she started talking at the end of last week about involuntary commitment. I hope that's not something she would really entertain seriously, but I do think she's thinking that it's an excuse to enlist the help of my husband in convincing me that the hospital is not a bad idea. (my husband would definitely freak since he really knows nothing about the suicidal ideation) Although I think I've gotten better at reaching out to people, this journey has been strictly solo - I haven't had the energy to email the few friends who are aware of my depression and have been too emotionally drained and distracted to do my own research on the drug, post on the board or even read through other posts. For the last few days I've been trying to talk myself into my ability to appear less depressed and suicidal, so I can get her off the hospital kick. After making a slight dosing change last weekend, I really do feel a little better, although any respite I get from ruminitive thinking has been pretty shaky.I'm real glad you're back. I've missed having you around and definitely missed your computer expertise. Hope things are better. Thanks particularly for asking about me. Mair aka Ksvt
poster:mair
thread:5265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010324/msgs/5284.html