Posted by Stephen on March 27, 2001, at 23:08:47
Greetings,
I am a 33 year old man who has been hearing voices internally for the better part of my adult life.
I have done some research into this subject matter but nothing described by others (both experiencers and doctors) has adequately described what I have experienced.
For instance - those who experience voices in their heads commonly claim that these voices instruct them to take certain actions. Often these actions were hostile and/or destructive to the receiver as well as others. Many others state that the voices simply speak ill of others: insulting bosses, co-workers, friends or strangers. I have also encountered those who claim that their voices offer them helpful insight or useful instruction. Still others claim that the voices speak through them.
As for the voice descriptions - I have read the statements of many receivers who recognize the voices as those of friends or family members, both living and dead. Also, I have heard claim that often these voices have their own unique personality associated with a distinct voice. I have even heard a recorded simulation of what these voices sound like to many of the receivers.
Having said all of that allow me reiterate - My experiences are not comparable to the examples that I have written above, or any other cases known to me for that matter.
For starters, the voices I have heard have never instructed me to do anything. In fact, the most personal message I have ever received from these voices is the simple calling of my name with varying dgrees of intensity and emotion. Even when I responded I received no further information. Often these voices don't seem to be speaking to me at all. Rather it is more like I am overhearing one side of a conversation between multiple parties.
Another difference - The sound of the voices. For me, it is as if thousands of genderless voices are speaking in perfect unison. In a comparitively few incidents I have heard the voice of someone known to me. But, like the multivoices, these familiar voices gave me no instructions, but simply called my name.
The timing - In many of the cases that I have researched the receivers stated that their voices were the most active during times of personal stress. This has not been the case for me. I have had these experiences during both high and low points in my peronal life. There would seem to be no discernible pattern. Also, it would seem that many of the receivers are subjected to their voices at any point over the course of a day. I have heard my voices only during one specific moment: at night, just after going to bed but before I begin drifting off to sleep. While lying there in the still of darkness with my mind racing along over the day's events and tomorrow's to-do lists - BAM! - from nowhere the voices will suddenly force their way into my mind like a bullet - screaming or whispering they call my name. Or I simply hear nonsensical fragments of 'someone else's' conversation, as if the multivoices are speaking to another this night but I happened to overhear a portion. Always, regardless of my mindset prior to their intrusion, I am left feeling terrified and oddly expectant. What do I expect? I have no idea, but whatever it is that I am expecting I have the feeling that 'it' is something that I strongly wish to avoid. Many times I was so shaken by the voices that I would get up from bed and turn on every light in the house. I would only return to bed hours later when exhaustion left me no options.
I have tried to approach this situation in a rational matter but the randomness with which these voices occur and the strangeness of the situation makes it very difficult to do so. Which leads me to my questions - Can someone please offer some insight into this situation? Do case histories comparable to my own exist? If so, what was the diagnosis in those situations? In what direction should I turn for help in this matter?
In conclusion I would like to add that I haven't experienced the voices in several months, nearly a year I believe. Even then the voices were faint, as if losing strength, like a radio signal coming from an increasing distance. That has never before occured, so perhaps this odd situation is reaching its own conclusion. However, I will still be left with many questions regardless of the outcome.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated,
Stephen
poster:Stephen
thread:5313
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010324/msgs/5313.html