Posted by Wendy B on April 18, 2001, at 0:59:02
In reply to Re: Zoloft Marijuana, posted by hash on April 17, 2001, at 20:06:19
Hey Hash,
I'm sorry things are feeling so bad for you right now. But, look, you know, you are a person with many talents (one is writing really well), & we're listening...
Anyway, I just want you to know we care & will keep writing to you, so dammit, don't give up on yourself or on us...
I think what James (StJames) is trying to say is: going on an antidepressant does not automatically make you a zombie. The purpose is to relieve the symptoms of your anxiety and depression, right? If one makes you feel out-of-it or fuzzy-headed, then it's not the right one.
As everyone on this board says, you have to be patient with the meds, and keep trying different ones till you get on the right one or combination. A pain in the ass, right? Yeah, but the alternatives are depression & suicidal thoughts, just what you're having right now. Try reading the meds part of the psychobabble bulletin board, see what others in the same boat as you are in have experienced. It ain't pretty, some of it.
Many of us have been hit hard by depression or social phobia, just like yourself. Use the term 'social phobia' on the search function, see how others have felt, learn how they got better. It may be some kind of solace to you just knowing that other people have been there, done that, got the t-shirt; some of them have had a very hard time with depression and with meds. Look at the meds >they< have taken, see if you can get your shrink to put you on something else if the Zoloft didn't work for you. It's not the drug for everybody, see:http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010411/msgs/59453.html
Your middle-teens should NOT be spent feeling the way you do right now, it's not exactly optimal functioning. You know that, otherwise you wouldn't write to the board.
I had so many thoughts like you are having right now when I was a teenager. I thought my parents were too focused on their house and their yard and their business friends, who I thought couldn't be their true friends 'cause they made them thru business. I still feel like that some of the time. As I got older & became a parent myself, I cut them a little more slack - you notice I say 'a little,' they still annoy the hell out of me more often than not. I still think their concerns are too much with what they >have< rather than what they >do< .
And I can totally relate to your wanting to live life on the edge... I wanted life to be wild, fun, dangerous, & pseudo-poetic, like something out of a Bruce Springsteen song (see, that dates me, yeah, I'm 40, but I still sing 'Born to Run,' as I scream down the highway in my car).
So you don't have to give up on your ideals, but it's also true you don't have to live life on a downer, either, like the one you're on right now. Smoking dope was & still is a way to self-medicate for a lot of people, including myself. Like the way other people use alcohol. It's not the only drug you could use to feel better is all I'm saying. If you can, try another anti-depressant, you may hit on one you can stand & makes you feel better.
Also, what did you think about our advice about getting a job? I still think it's a good way to slowly make friends, make some money, AND get out of the house (the 'structure of wood and stone' as you put it, I really like that!). It doesn't have to be you sitting there every day, feeling horrible... No way, man, don't do it.
Anyway, you have our support & even love,Wendy
> I left one thing out. I think if I get on an anti-depressant, and become happy with the life I live now, it will be cheating me out of a fun childhood and leave me with no great memories to look back on. I live with my step mom and dad, they tell me "You won't be anything in life if you don't work hard in school". We live in a pretty big house, but I hate it here, I don't think I have hated anything more than this place. They work on weekdays and weekends to add alittle bit more to this structure of wood and stone. All my step mom does when she gets home is sleep or read one of her lame love stories, I don't want to live like that, I want to live life on the edge. Is the purpose of life to succeed? Fuck money, it brings me no happiness. I work hard in school to come home and sit on my miserable ass. Fuck it ALL, I am so sick of my life right now.
poster:Wendy B
thread:5554
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5722.html