Posted by dreamer on May 10, 2001, at 14:34:56
In reply to lucidity, posted by mila on May 10, 2001, at 11:59:13
Hello there,wasn't expecting any posts just needed to bang the keyboard and moan into the ether.
I'm just a fearful 34year old child at the moment,maybe it's the reduction of effexor but finding life's obstacles too high to jump.Life's hit me in my weak spot,insecurity.
When I wrote I have no family I mean't parents to turn to.Iv'e been homeless before and I am comfortably settled now but my flatmate has lost his job and has no cash to pay the morgage.I love my room,outside is Eden always has a orchestra of birds and so quiet which is rare in London.Also I have room to paint.
I find difficulty relating to the real world especially people,getting advice,help etc.I'm in my own reality bubble able almost to control my mood disorder a contented outsider painting my inner landscape but when my bubble is burst by intrusions I panic or if I have to go outside I fall apart get irritated come home and have to work on getting well again and the prospect of looking for somewhere else to live especially on disability benefit and with a cat who loves romping in the grass makes me want to give up.
I don't know how normal it is to spend 95% of time daydreaming and alone but that's the way it's always been for me,except my alcohol days.
Relationships? Just made mistake having sex with old girlfriend,my bits rule my brain when hyper [I,m female]seems horrible that I just need company when highly sexed.
Though I suppose I do get lonely why would I be a regular here? Maybe because I don't have to pretend that everythings fine and dandy and don't get the inevitable "Cheer up" or confused looks.dreamer
poster:dreamer
thread:5934
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5942.html