Posted by Marie1 on November 19, 2001, at 9:13:23
In reply to Re:followup comments, Marie, posted by wendy b. on November 15, 2001, at 10:02:29
Hi! Hope this works. We experienced a major crash last week and had to replace our computer. As a result, I now have my own (no sharing!!) but I'm about as illiterate as they come (computer-wise), so the delay has been getting it set up. So, in response to your posts-
Mair, In Session is a book I read, recommended by Judy, about the relationship between therapists (male and female) and their women clients/patients. I've had a lot of questions about transference since shortly after I started therapy. You can find out the author and full title by doing a search here, if you're interested.
Shelli, the author of In Session doesn't really address the *how* of managing transference, which I found rather disappointing. I mean, it was good to know that what was happening was normal, but my goal in reading the book was figuring out what to do with it.
Wendy, there was a discussion sometime earlier about the roots and causes of transference, and I still don't really get it, or buy the idea that it somehow stems from what was missing in your childhood. It makes sense to me that a therapist/patient relationship can easily lead to the kind of feelings I developed for my pdoc, who was also my therapist. So, I don't know, guess it's all moot now. And thanks for your 2 cents.Marie
> Hi everyone, Marie, Shelli, Mair,
>
> I remember the discussion with the woman whose shrink was playing head games, her name was Jenny R. I wonder if she is still here or lurking, and how she's doing now. This discussion has been really honest and engaging and supportive... I've been reading with interest and concern...
>
> Marie, yes 18 months is a long time, but it will get better. I still feel that it's like suddenly being cut off from a lover or other such 'intimate,' one day he's there, the next - he's not. *Of course* this has got to be one of the most traumatic things a person could go through. You were intimate and shared your inner life with someone for a long time, and now you can't and you miss it. I can understand that very well from experience.
>
> And I imagine it's hard to grieve for a person when you know they're still alive and functioning, and you might run into them at the grocery (granted, a grocery you've driven out of the way for, in order to accidentally-on-purpose run into him). I truely believe, from 8 years in therapy with two women, that the transference stuff *is* all to do with childhood projections, as Shelli's dr says: "transference in general only gets worked out after one has truely mourned and grieved for what they didn't get as children." I think this is right, I've experienced this with my mother, through years of getting the transference worked out with a maternal-figure therapist, so that my mom and I can now have a decent relationship.
>
> Have you figured any of that stuff out? It could give you insights as to why you miss your therapist so much. If that's getting personal, sorry. I just feel so much for you and understand your predicament entirely... You are in my thoughts.
>
> Sorry to interject my thoughts on an otherwise perfectly fine thread...
>
> Wendy
>
>
>
> > Hi Marie,
> >
> > > In answer to your second reply, the woman who's therapist was playing head games with her was someone posting under the name of Jennie (I think). I always used to read what she wrote because it was invariably about her shrink, and it sounded as though she was having a lot of the same feelings I was/am. I can see why you confused the two of us. Her therapist seemed to be somewhat disingenuious, though, and I wouldn't say the same thing about mine.
> >
> > Oh my. Really sorry about that. I did get the two of your therapy situations mixed up. Well, I'm glad that the other therapist is not yours!
> >
> > He's always been honest with me. We never really discussed my transference; I was too embarrassed to bring it up. (Also typical, according to "In Session".)
> >
> > I'll have to read "In Session" and find out if the author thinks that transference is *always* worked out, and to see if she (?) directly addresses the "how" question.
> >
> > So I understand the transference thing going on here, but didn't know it could get so intense.
> >
> > My transference reactions also happen very quickly, although they are getting less intense in general.(after about 20 years in therapy :-) ) The doctor who heads the unit I go in in the hospital says that transference in general only gets worked out after one has truely mourned and grieved for what they didn't get as children.
> > That is her take; I don't really know.
> >
> > > But 18 months *is* a long time, especially considering the intimacy - verbal, emotional - that was involved.
> >
> > Absolutely.
> >
> > > Terminating therapy is ok by me. I'm far better off than I was when I started, and feel richer (although not monetarily!) for the experience. But it's time to move on. And anyway,who needs a therapist when I have people like you and Mair to rant to?? ;-)
> >
> > Well hopefully, the intensity will start at some point to fade into the background. Be patient with yourself. And I think Mair made a really good point about " no point in going back to this guy unless you have some commitment to stick
> > with him for awhile more."
> >
> > Feel free to yell across the river at any time.
> >
> > Take care, and again my apologies,
> >
> > Shelli
poster:Marie1
thread:13033
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14070.html