Posted by Alii on April 25, 2002, at 11:29:30
In reply to I want my ex back, posted by LiLi80 on April 25, 2002, at 10:44:05
LiLi80--
In 1994/95 when I lost a partner due to my illness I obsessed about this person for months (as the meds levels were slowly being worked up).
I rationally knew 'getting this person back' would not solve anything but that didn't help stop me from making the tearful phone calls and pleading letters I sent to my ex.
Back then I was certain that this was the only person destined to love me. No one else could. I was sure.
Now? I am happy to have had this partner in my life....sorry it ended as it did....but able to file it in my heart and brain as 'chalk that up to experience'.
I do understand. I moved to another state to be away from my ex otherwise I would have driven myself crazy with obsessive thoughts of why we couldn't be. I had to put 800 miles between us.
I reached the machine for most of my tearful calls. This person did write back....standard response of why they couldn't be with me.
I didn't understand. I hurt and I didn't understand why the world was against me so.
It's only through that 'road map testing' that I can now look back---FONDLY---of the good times that did occur. It tooks years to lift the pain of this former love from my heart but I have an illness and behaved in ways that are confounding and scary to those that do not understand mental illness.
I now know that I do not choose this pain. It has chosen me. Being a fierce Alii I choose to fight this foe.
Sending you strength strong warrior woman.
--Alii----In darkness guarding the light for your arrival. It's here....the offer stands.
another quote from a warrior on this path >>>>I now have an answer to the question that so many people have asked me. "Why?"
Well, from my personal experience, there really is no, "why," at least not one that makes sense.
I felt like I wanted to die ... and it made perfect, logical sense at the time, to my sick brain.
In this instance, some very powerful, and very strange brain chemicals took over and nearly took a life that wasn't ready to end.
I'm so grateful now that my brain settled down enough to think of something rational to hang on to. <<<<
poster:Alii
thread:22615
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020422/msgs/22622.html