Posted by syringachalet on January 17, 2003, at 20:17:19
In reply to Re: What's it mean to you to feel close to someone? » ROO, posted by Dinah on January 17, 2003, at 19:27:25
Dinah,
I think you are wise to 'selective share' some of your mental health issues with your husband. I do the same with mine as to tell him 'everything' about my mental health past would only overwhelm him. He has always known what he needed to know and I have answered any question he has had about my past.
Like any long-term relationship, somethings are better on a 'need to know' basis..esp if the partner is not knowledgble of your illness and is able or not wanting to know about your illness. We have also learned to agree to occasionally disagree on certain subjects and not push buttons.
For me, I have found that the 'need to know' basis on this topic has actually been very beneficial in many relationships.
This helps the affected persons partner 'stay just outside the box/problem' thus being able to be a 'gentle reality check' for that person.
Often is action is more caring (and I know harder) than some folks would like to think.
(..kind of like its easier to just was Yes to your kid than to have to say No and be 'the bad guy'.)
Often my husband and I use the concept of,
"Is this one of those things that I listen and let you vent safely or is there something I
could do to help make this situation better?"(usually abbreviated to "Is this a TALK or a DO situation for me"?)For me personally, my husband shows me he loves me everyday when he takes out the trash without asking(esp if we have fish or something with garlic in it for dinner) or when he comes to bed with a load of clean laundry from the dryer and we sit there and fold it watching Jay Leno...
Sound too Archie Bunker to you guys???
Just sharing thoughts... how about yours????
syringachalet
poster:syringachalet
thread:35372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030111/msgs/35419.html