Posted by Dinah on May 14, 2003, at 17:48:30
In reply to Why?, posted by WorryGirl on May 14, 2003, at 16:18:38
I think what you're feeling is what we all feel from time to time, or even consistently. :)
I know there are times when I write a post, then Mair or Noa or Tabitha or Gabbi or Shar, or one of the many sensitive intuitive and clever posters come after me and write what I wish I had written. And my post seems like a stupid waste of server space. I am so embarassed at posting drivel.
Or I'll be the thread ender. Or worst of all, someone will be offended by something I say. And I'll feel like the most miserable bad girl to ever draw breath. I have a rather quick bad girl trigger.
I think those feelings tend to be common with those of us who are sensitive to nuance. Sometimes we're a bit too sensitive, if you know what I mean. And it's also a part of our conditions. Depression leads to negative feelings about ourselves. Anxiety causes us to judge ourselves harshly. But those feelings don't necessarily reflect reality.
As to whether you should stay or go? I certainly hope you stay. But I can only share with you what I have decided to think, after an inordinate number of therapy sessions devoted to this board.
There may be posters who have something wiser and wittier to say about any or all subjects than what I might contribute. But that doesn't mean that what I say isn't valuable anyway. It's not a competition, and my post isn't necessarily a waste of server space. It's not possible to know what comment will touch or move someone, or make them think.
If I get no responses to what I say, it's not necessarily because I was so idiotic that no one can possibly respond. People might be caught up in their own problems, the topic might be exhausted, or my post might not have sparked anything new to say. And that's ok.
When I'm feeling thick and stupid, when I'm having problems myself, the words may have a hard time working their way through the sludge of my mind. Maybe I can't contribute at all, or maybe a no message one line post of support is all I can offer. Maybe a thick headed stupid post is all I can offer. But if I offer it with the intent to help, or to support, maybe that intent will come through, and maybe that intent will be enough in itself. That's an important one for me, because sometimes my mind feels quick and free, but sometimes it feels thick and dull. I tend to judge myself harshly. Maybe my judgements are correct, maybe they aren't.
Finally, if I post something that probably would have been better left unposted, I apologize. If I post something that is misinterpreted, I try to figure out what happened. It doesn't necessarily mean I've been bad.
Now I'm not saying that any of these apply to your actual posts, but perhaps they apply to how you think about your posts. I'm just describing what I've decided to feel about how I see my own posts.
And you know, sweetness is every bit as wonderful a quality as "attitude" is. Sweet is valuable. Sweet is worthwhile. If you can claim sweetness for yourself, you should hold your head high and be proud. It's not that common a quality, you know.
poster:Dinah
thread:226613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226634.html