Posted by Shannon00 on November 25, 2003, at 22:01:05
>>(I posted this elsewhere but I think I was in the wrong forum so I'm reposting here)
Through therapy I have come to realise that my mom is an extreme narcissist. Although I don't wish to focus on my childhood/family in my future therapy, I cannot feel that I have been so wounded by my background and family that perhaps there is no hope for me.
Although I am certain that people have gone through much worse, I cannot help but feel that most people around me are better prepared for life and developing sustaining friendships than I am. This worry of mine is further supported by the fact that I constantly lose friendships and have scored moderate-to-high for all personality disorders but one (on an online test).
My mother is completely oblivious to my feelings. Although she loves me, she sees everything in terms of herself and refuses to validate ANYTHING I feel, whether positive, negative, or in-between. She has always been this way. I can't help but feel that this has turned me into an incredibly screwed up person. Although I *think* I'm a good person, caring about others and do *try* to be nonjudgmental, the fact that it is so hard for me to have sucessful relationships seems evidence to the contrary.
I am scared that I am as narcissistic, judgmental, thick-skulled and just plain impossible as my mother!
My question is...where can I go from here? Where to start? I don't even know how to identify areas to change. My family has so skewed my perception of what is normal that I expect constant putdowns and invalidations. When I'm around laidback, normal people I feel completely tense and can't even relate. (Obviously, I am some sort of freak of my family's making, haha) Please help! I need advice because I don't even know where to begin. I want to be normal and laidback and easy to get along with but I don't even know where to begin.
Lastly, I am saddled with guilt for feeling this way about my family. My family has done much for me and I love them, but that doesn't change the fact that they have (and continue to) hurt me very much by refusing to acknowledge my feelings and treat me as the individual I am.
I'm sorry if I've rambled. Thanks for your thoughts.
poster:Shannon00
thread:283842
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/283842.html