Posted by reluctant on January 8, 2004, at 21:21:24
In reply to depressed girlfriend? « Chep, posted by Dr. Bob on January 8, 2004, at 17:39:39
Depression makes emotional intimacy *very* hard. Please don't take her distance to heart. Depression makes it difficult to feel any positive emotions, and certainly hard to understand other people's positive emotions towards you. There have been times in my past when my family wanted to help me with my depression, and I was so walled off from everyone that i couldn't see it as a caring gesture - it felt like criticism. ("Get help! Not because we love you, but because you're an awful person to be with.") For me, defensiveness goes hand in hand with depression.Having said that - I don't know your girlfriend, or your relationship, or you. So how can you help? - I can't really say. But I think you would do well to let her know that you love her whether or not she's depressed, and maybe that means not approaching her depression as a "problem". It is very hard. Maybe going to couples' therapy would be helpful, if she would be open to that. It might give you a safe space to explain to her that you don't want to change her but you also don't want to lose her, and maybe having someone there to moderate your discussion will help her to see that the depression is not who she is as a person, the problems that you're havin are a result of depression but *not* of her, and maybe it would encourage her to try & beat the depression.
Let's hope.
good luck -
-r.
poster:reluctant
thread:298267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/298361.html