Posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 11:50:41
In reply to Re: Curse, posted by AuntieMel on April 29, 2005, at 9:36:11
I am trying so, so hard with my three kids. Because knowing, finally now, that my family was deeply disturbed .. agh. Man I always thought it was just me, and closer inspection finally reveals ah-hah, it's a long lineup, baby. I come from a badly war-torn (and most of us do, I think, in the end) country. And we're first generation Canadians, I wasn't born here. I never knew any relations, growing up, except in the sense that grandparents came to visit, they were pleasant strangers, I couldn't communicate for want of knowing the language well enough. I don't know my relations well at all, it's very weird. I can't imagine having what my children have, which is cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
I have to face the facts that I'll probably never know my family. There's no family history that I'm aware of, to draw upon. It's like coming from nowhere, it really is. It's like I was born on a planet unto myself. My parents were so badly stressed (my dad came to Canada with something like a few dollars to his name, two kids under 3, a pregnant wife, and no job, only his skill) .. so that plus the fact that they're both severely traumatized their entire lives, mental illness not even a consideration in all of this because of having to struggle just to live ... so yeah, I don't know how many millions of people have had to deal with stuff like this but it's wonderful that we get to find out, we get to know ourselves, this country is so FREE in that sense.
I don't know how many people will understand what I'm saying, but I'm guessing quite a few. People who've lived in this country all their lives, who have relations going back even one or two generations, are so incredibly blessed, they just don't understand how blessed they are, to at least have that much. No matter how bad it is, I can't imagine it being worse than not knowing where you come from .. and I'll bet there're tons of people who come from a very bad history .. just knowing that history, though, is a blessing in disguise, because Then You Can Work On Changing It.
I tried to tell my ex-therapist, Mr. Poor Termination, about this .. he looked at me blankly.
It's frustrating to be judged without being understood.
poster:Susan47
thread:490976
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/491450.html