Posted by verne on November 1, 2006, at 6:19:55
I know I'm not terribly likable. I'm really just anti-social.
I don't even like myself, yet I'm still self-centered.
I'm only anti-social in the way the little Italian girl greets the liberating army. I want to reach out but I'm too numb.
I'm tying up loose ends. This will be done by Spring 2009 if I don't sleep myself to death sooner.
I did the world traveler, aspiring writer bit. I was even in the army and came out with an unbelievable "retirement" at 25 years of age. Lived off the Oregon coast for 10 years in a cave, got married, a daughter captured my heart, now she's fled the nest.
I'm done. I'm not a great writer. My daughter disowned me. I'm just hanging on. She lost an aunt on the 110th floor on 9/11 and her best friend in a car wreck a month later.
When I say I'm done, I mean, I'll hang around for a few years - I'm depressed but not immediately suicidal. I'm cleaning house and not in the usual way.
I've carried around Heidegger's "Being and Time" for 30 years. Even read him in German once. No more. I'm boxing up all the Dostovesky, Heidegger, and a truck load of philosphers and theologians.
I guess I'm not completely done because I still hold on to Kafka, Stanislaw Lem, and some other crap. I absolutely fell in love with Kafka. Actually, I'm just about done with Lem, Nietzche, and the rest of them. I've been touched by God, thought I was born again, spricture came alive like a language I had always known but forgotten. I've since wondered about my "conversion".
I guess I'm not a fundamentalist christian because I don't go to church, I'm pro-choice, for gun-control (why aren't handguns just illegal?), and not involved with politics.But I stray. I'm done. I have the luxury to take a few years tying up loose ends. I'm thankful and aware how privleged I am.
Yet my goal is to sell or give away everything I have in the next 2-3 years. I'm done.
I thought I should say something to explain why I'm so anti-social, yet reach out at times.
Don't be alarmed. I'm hanging around for awhile. I'm so neurotic even my suicide takes three years.
verne
poster:verne
thread:699516
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061018/msgs/699516.html