Posted by alexandra_k on July 21, 2010, at 19:32:08
In reply to Re: well... before this gets deleted... » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 21, 2010, at 10:46:45
Yes. Much happier. Of course I'm not really in love with my coach. I'm in love with the ideal of strength / beauty. Of becoming / merging with that. I am an emotional lifter, though (surprise) and feeling pissed about someone being in my face or feeling horny as hell seem to help my lifts. As the weight gets bigger you start to release more growth hormone and testosterone and stuff... Does help one feel vigorous and alive... Pretty hooked on it, yeah.
No deadline for thesis as such. Funding about gone... Will finish up at some point but not before I start medicine. I don't really feel rushed with it. More just enjoying the gym... Know it is terrible... But doing a whole bunch of eating and sleeping and training and rinse and repeat.
I love it how my brain goes on holiday when I'm lifting. How I'm not thinking about. anything. How I'm feeling vibrant and alive... Or sometimes dissociated, yeah. When everything is screaming 'I don't want to do that you can't make me' and you just grind on through it and yay another personal best and then the endorphins come... Sweet relief.
Felt like I've had the weight of the world on my shoulders for most of my life. Only nobody knew that. Now I'm gaining the ability to throw it off my shoulders over my head. And now people can see the weight I can lift. The strength I have. But really... It is a mastery over past burdens more than anything else. Right now... I feel like I just want to do this all day forever. But I know the feeling will pass and eventually I'll set into a rythm of work, train, rest etc. Find balance or something lol.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:955107
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100716/msgs/955329.html