Posted by platinumbride on September 30, 2003, at 9:11:36
In reply to Re: klonopin and neurontin » platinumbride, posted by Simcha on September 27, 2003, at 12:45:14
Simcha..
My problem here is that since I have lost the career that I worked for all of my life and because I went through a depression that,even though I am mostly out of, I prefer to "get high" or really "mellow" from high, high, high doses of neurontin and klonopin, rather than face the incredible anxiety of dealing with the hoplesness my life has turned into. I am in therapy, and I DO talk about all of this, but until I either give up the dream that I pursued my entire life,(please do not say that I must follow my dream.....it is not as easy as that.....it is in the performing arts and so competetive that almost everyone I know at my age is dealing with the same issues) decide to go back into the ring, or find asomewhat satisfying career in a differnt field, I will just continue to sit around and abuse prescrition drugs.I am newly married and my husband is working on a project in a very economically depressed area. Wildly enough, an area where my father used to live...an area where I did my operatic training ...and area I had hoped to leave once we were married, because we do not live here!!!
I have made some lame attempts at getting a dumb job that I will hate just to bring some money in, because my lack of contribution is costing my husband a mint, but no dice. I sit in our hotel room, contemplate whether or not I will let the housekeeper come in,and take my drugs. At least then I do not have to face my life. Sometimes I even get ideas about what I will do with my life. "I will lose weight, retrain my voice and get back into singing professionally.....oh...but that costs money and inevitable rejection...." "I will teach something...anything but music....I will finish my Masters in Education"....Yeah right....Better to sit around and take drugs as long as I can.So Simcha, I am in a position way differnt than you are. I am effectively a junkie. I would prefer my life not to be this way, but I am stuck in a crappy pattern.
I am sorry that I have ranted and cried in my beer to you and everyone on this board, but I guess I wanted to explain that I am really abusing drugs and why.As for what you described, it seems to me that you will have to incrementally increase your neurontin dose. I know I had to. The good news is that I went up very high, but then was able to taper down again and get the same effects! I mean I had to go to 4800 mgs and now I can take 1200 and be OK with anxiety or sleep. I couldn't believe it. As for driving, pay no attention to me...I also had a nearly fatal accident and even though I drove a rental car the next day, stuff happened to me..hospitalization for depression and suicide attempt, etc...I developed a phobia, adn the neurontin didn't help it with the lack of coordination.
As for Buspar.....for me it was a crock.
I lie to my shrink. I always need the highest doseage of every drug....that is how I get him to give me high doseages of everything. And when I cannot be "stoned" I don't take the stuff, so it all works out in a month. What a joke.....
PB
poster:platinumbride
thread:263719
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/264444.html