Posted by BarbaraCat on October 13, 2003, at 16:26:37
In reply to I'm Dinah and I'm a compulsive spender., posted by Dinah on October 3, 2003, at 11:09:14
Oh yeah. Spending is such a nice delightful thing to do. You have visions of creative new projects, everything in the store is neat and folded and color coordinated (but shoot, I'll shoot my wad in junk bargain basement stores as well). I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost a nausea telling me that the bottom of the barrel has been scraped, but does that stop the compulsion? Nooooo.
And then, I get home with a van load of stuff, stuff, and more stuff now needing a home in my already cluttered surroundings. What to do with all those plants and bulbs that I've lost interest in digging the holes for? Where do I find shelf space for all those bolts of material I have no intention of cutting out the quilt blocks from? How about all those clothes in my over-stuffed closet? Where do I put them now that the garage is overflowing with dusty stuff from earlier sprees? I get so frustrated with myself. All those thousands and thousands of dollars I sure wish I had, and now I can't even summon the energy to clear stuff out and sell, throw, or give the crap away. Because so much of it is goooood crap. But that doesn't stop me from buying 2 or 3 of the same thing - because I can't find the original one buried in the junk. Oh, but luckily when I'm in a productive hypomanic mode I'll really do a whirlwind hyper cleaning thing.
Someone once told me that this kind of compulsion describes the process of being able to inhale, inhale, inhale but having difficulty with exhaling. Yes, I can certainly take in and take in, but not let go - on so many areas of my life. There's definitely a need to fill that empty hole, but there's more to it than that. - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:265202
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20030903/msgs/269032.html