Posted by Angielala on January 15, 2004, at 14:42:10
In reply to I'm torn... stay with AD or stop?!?!?!?, posted by sublime7 on January 14, 2004, at 8:35:11
I think our moms should hang out together. You just explained y entire teenage years back to me. My mom was the one who needed help. I was depressed and got help on my own- with no say from her- I control my own therapy. I gained control over at least that part of my life and you HAVE THE RIGHT to fidn your own doc and such.
My mom, 8 years later, has admitted to me that she needed help and had no idea what to do for me. She was scared I was going to commit suicide and she felt helpless. Now this isn't a good excuse or anything, but I realize now that she just had no clue and acted like a person with their own mental health issues to deal with- it just so happened that she took it all out on me- mainly because she felt guilty that she may have been the one to make me "that way" (depressed)
I could no longer get high anymore either- shrooms, acid, pot- I could get high off of pot, but like you said, for about 20 minutes, then it's gone, and it's definirely not as mellow as it used to be.
There is a lot of contraversy (I cannot spell for the life of me today!) around this self-medication. I know what I'm about to say maybe "wrong" and a lot of people might not like it, but I feel like I should say it, because I can understand sublime's dilemma.
When I wasn't on any meds, pot was the best thing in the world for me. It was the only thing that allowed my racing thoughts to slow down so much that I could actually process them. I smoked in safe places- like my house, or a friends, never anywhere I would endanger anyone (I felt the need to state that) The mellow feel was such a wonderful break from the stress of being depressed.
I was still depressed. I would smoke, feel great and then at some point during the next day I'd feel all aggitated- part of the depression. While being high ALL day isn't a good thing (because it won't work anymore after a while) and you need to be responsible at your job, school, driving, whatever.. so I got stuck. I found somsething that made my life easier- wasn't hurting anyone and was still being a productive person, yet I couldn't be high all day to feel good...
Well, after a while the depression (I am BP) was a little too strong, I went on Paxil and Depakote. All of a sudden pot wasn't doing what it used to. So I started smoking more and more... and couldn't get high. SO I was now stuck, still feeling uneven, but worse-the pot wasn't working anymore- I had no relief! So I re-visited my college days and got some shrooms. Nothing, no effect on me what so ever. Then acid- nothing, no effect whatsoever.
I waited a year. After a while I found that I could get high again, and not by smoking 10 bowls myself, jsut a few puffs- just like the old days! It seemed that the ADs and Depakote were stabilizing in my body.
Then my doc upped my Depakote- really for no reason. My valproic acid level went through the roof (meaning I was so over-medicated that I was sick to my stomach for about a week) during that time, pot stopped effecting me. I saw my ppdoc and talked to her. She told me I had lethal doses of Depakote in me. Not good, so she called my doc (therapist) and had a long conversation. I was brought off the Depakote because it seems my mania had gone into remission and I was actually chronically depressed at the time.
So, back onto just Paxil, my AD. After two weeks of being off the Depakote, something strange happened- my depression started getting better. I could also get high again. So i found this balance.... maybe not the most "conservative" view of getting better, but I felt like a million bucks. I felt good through out the day. And I only had the craving to smoke pot was in a social setting- and I could get high!
Many people disagree with views on marijuana. Do research- find out about it. If this drug is giving you positive effects, do your darnest to find out why. But also find out if perhaps the AD you are on is the wrong one. You should be able to feel good all the time- and if you happen to have a bad day, are with some friends- and you can smoke and get high- that's good- that's what you want. You need your body chemicals straightened out. Make sure not to mute your depression.
In my case- I'm going on Wellbutrin. I asked my doc if this would have the same side effect that Paxil did at first. He asked me what I meant. I explained the pot situation. He explained to me that it wouldn't have the same effect and with a little hope I wouldn't need pot as a crutch, but rather use it in moderation jsut as people who go home and have a beer do. It's the same thing, there is just a stigma about pot. Moderation is everything. And please- find your own doc and talk about what's going on and be honest as possible. If they say you are not depressed and perhaps just going through hormonal changes- then your thought is confirmed- your mom may not know what she's talking about. But don't give up on ADs right away. The last thing you want is for drugs (pot, etc) to be your way out of depression. Remember- it's a crutch, not a solution. At least not yet- though I have heard some noise that Oregon is doing a LOT of research with marijuana and the positive effects it has on bipolar and depressed people. Their study was to prove that the reason why so many people smoke pot is because they are self-medicating for depression, GA, SAD... etc. They are trying to prove that all of these people may be onto something.
Ok- I ranted a LONG time, sorry.
I hope I said something that made sense :)
~Lala
Also- becareful not to experiement the way I did. SOOOO many ADs can interefere and give yo very very bad trips. That is NO REASON to get off a prescibed med- so that you can experiement. Remember that you are made differently than a lot- I am too. Don't feel cheated that you can't go crazy like other college students and try everything out there. You DO NOT want to end up in a hospital strapped down because you had a bad trip due to your own chemical imbalances. I have lot friends because of extreme experiementation. And while everyone will say, "It's really not a big deal"- it is for us, we are made differently- we are blessed in that way. Pot, however has never killed anyone. Cigarettes have and alcohol have, yet I can go buy them legally in a store. Yet pot is seen as the devil.
Keep your own opinions, don't let your mom drive you crazy (yeah right, easy to say, right?)
If you'd like more advice about your mom- I came up with some clever ways to deal with a very strict and worrisome mom.... jsut let me know :_
~Lala
> I've been on effexor for a month and a half. It sucks because now that im on effexor, i cant get as high as i used to when i smoke weed. also, if i do get high, the high goes away in about a 1/2 hour... while my boyfriend is sitting next to me as high as a kite for an hour and a half. also, when i try to trip (on shrooms), i cant. my body wont allow me to trip. is anyone on anyother kind of antidepressant which allows them to get to still get high/trip? if it comes down to it, i think i may quit the ADs altogether so i can still get that hour or so of extreme highness. help!!!
poster:Angielala
thread:300549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031208/msgs/301273.html