Posted by TamaraJ on March 18, 2005, at 18:15:45
In reply to So does this ever get any easier?, posted by partlycloudy on March 11, 2005, at 7:48:29
I am late coming to this thread, but I wanted to let you know that yes, partlycloudy, it does get easier :-) Hang in there, and may find that life takes on a whole new meaning. And, who knows, maybe with a little sobriety, I hope that you will come to realize that the sober partlycloudy that lives inside of you is not so bad after all, that you drank not because you didn't like yourself, but you didn't think others could like the "real" you. And, there will come a day that you are not just staying sober, but that you are living sober. And with that new found freedom will come a wealth of possibilities and potential friends (who share common interests and like you "just the way you are".
All the best to you partlycloudy. I wish for you much love, laughter, happiness and peace of mind. Take good care.
Tamara
P.S. If you ever need to talk to a fellow alcoholic, I, too, would be happy to babble you my phone number. There is strength in numbers, and reaching out and distracting onesself can mean the difference between picking up and not picking up.> Being sober is one thing. Staying sober is another. How do you change, at 42 years of age, an entire lifetime of behaviors, reactions and actions, and reinvent your very inner self? "Just don't drink" takes care of this moment, and you can say over and do it over and over again and voila! you've made it to the end of the day without one.
> But to learn to LIVE and enjoy life in sobriety? That's the part that, at the moment, stumps me. I don't have friends to call. I don't have family who aren't judgemental or as messed up as I am (and no one lives anywhere near me). It's at this point where my isolation really, really hurts. That's what drinking used to suspend - the hurt of isolation.
> When I stopped drinking, I didn't all of a sudden become a gregarious, outgoing and engaging woman with a quick wit and ability to attract friends like flypaper. Hmmm, bad analogy. I'm the same old partlycloudy, without the drink. No cushion between me and my flimsy self esteem. It gets bolstered up, it whithers away. It's a fragile, tentative thing, and it's hard to maintain in the bright light of being sober.
>
> This post isn't going anywhere except to say that I feel like my work is just starting. I have a lot of gaping holes in my psyche, ego, whatever you want to call it, that used to be filled with a nice Cabernet or a gin martini. Being sober makes me feel quite naked.
> pc
>
poster:TamaraJ
thread:469603
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050129/msgs/472603.html