Posted by ClearSkies on December 20, 2005, at 8:01:22
4 months today. A good holiday season so far. I stay out of liquor stores that appear to have jewels of bottles winking out at me. It's not torture but simply looking away from what I decided I can't have.
Smells are a huge trigger for me. I think my sense of smell has become more pronounced since I became sober. A few weeks ago I seriously considered a martini. The martini was not going to hurt me. Just a wee little drink in a tiny glass. I opened the bottle of Sapphire Blue and the vapours wafted towards my nose. I just about lost it as it image of me holding my head in pain loomed before me. I could feel the thirst as the first 'tini would go down and I'd be feeling NOTHING. No buzz, no giddiness, the same crummy feeling I had before.
That aroma just stopped me cold. I thought of it on my breath. I thought of me turning my head away from my husband, inhaling if he kissed me, the lie I would have to tell him about what he smelled (it's cough syrup! - except I haven't a cold), or worst of all, the truth I would tell him and the disappointment I'd feel.
So I put the bottle back. Took a few shakey breaths. Closed my eyes. I'm relieved, grateful, came too close.4 months of miracles today. Now *that* is a great Christmas present.
poster:ClearSkies
thread:590616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051211/msgs/590616.html