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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Naeemah Small on May 17, 2000, at 17:35:14
My name is Naeemah Small from Mesa Arizona. I met a guy from Southern Cali. We met will we were 21 years old. Now, I am 24 years and he is too. I started seeing mood changes last year. I told him that he needs to see a doctor or he would not be able to talk to me anymore, so he saw a doctor. After a while, he was digaons with cyclothymia. I still love him. But, he has push me away. He told me that he loves me, but still has push me away. Has anyone gone threw this?
Posted by Greg on May 18, 2000, at 9:17:47
In reply to How to deal with it, posted by Naeemah Small on May 17, 2000, at 17:35:14
Naeemah,
Welcome to Psycho Babble and thank you for sharing what's going on with you. I know what you're going thru can't be easy for you and you obviously are a caring and loving mate who wants to do what you can to help. Our loved ones suffer along with us and we need to remember that.I thought about whether I wanted to reply to your post for awhile and decided to because I thought it might help for you to hear input from a depressed person's point of view.
I have generalized depression, anxiety and mild panic disorder. I really only know what I've read about cyclothymia. But I have gone thru times where I've pushed everyone I love away from me when in the throws of deep depression. There is a saying that goes "Misery loves company", from what I've read here and my own personal experience, that is rarely true with people who suffer from depression. I've had times where my only thoughts were wishing I was dead so I didn't have to deal with my problems anymore, and I certainly didn't want my wife standing there telling me that things were going to get better, so I pushed her away. Did I hurt her? Yes. Did it matter to me? No. I was too consumed with how I felt. But it NEVER meant that I didn't love her. In time, with therapy and medical treatment I've gotten better and now know that I need to share how I feel with her (although I still keep my feelings from her sometimes and probably always will). But this process takes time and you have to be patient.
I don't pretend to know what your SO (significant other) is going thru, we all deal with our problems differently. This is just my experience, so please take it for what it's worth.
All you can do is be there when the time comes that he needs you. But in the mean time remember to take care of yourself!
I hope in some way this helps you.
I wish you all the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Greg
> My name is Naeemah Small from Mesa Arizona. I met a guy from Southern Cali. We met will we were 21 years old. Now, I am 24 years and he is too. I started seeing mood changes last year. I told him that he needs to see a doctor or he would not be able to talk to me anymore, so he saw a doctor. After a while, he was digaons with cyclothymia. I still love him. But, he has push me away. He told me that he loves me, but still has push me away. Has anyone gone threw this?
Posted by Naeemah Small on May 18, 2000, at 10:50:51
In reply to Re: How to deal with it, posted by Greg on May 18, 2000, at 9:17:47
Thank you for your reply.
I will consider it.> Naeemah,
> Welcome to Psycho Babble and thank you for sharing what's going on with you. I know what you're going thru can't be easy for you and you obviously are a caring and loving mate who wants to do what you can to help. Our loved ones suffer along with us and we need to remember that.
>
> I thought about whether I wanted to reply to your post for awhile and decided to because I thought it might help for you to hear input from a depressed person's point of view.
>
> I have generalized depression, anxiety and mild panic disorder. I really only know what I've read about cyclothymia. But I have gone thru times where I've pushed everyone I love away from me when in the throws of deep depression. There is a saying that goes "Misery loves company", from what I've read here and my own personal experience, that is rarely true with people who suffer from depression. I've had times where my only thoughts were wishing I was dead so I didn't have to deal with my problems anymore, and I certainly didn't want my wife standing there telling me that things were going to get better, so I pushed her away. Did I hurt her? Yes. Did it matter to me? No. I was too consumed with how I felt. But it NEVER meant that I didn't love her. In time, with therapy and medical treatment I've gotten better and now know that I need to share how I feel with her (although I still keep my feelings from her sometimes and probably always will). But this process takes time and you have to be patient.
>
> I don't pretend to know what your SO (significant other) is going thru, we all deal with our problems differently. This is just my experience, so please take it for what it's worth.
>
> All you can do is be there when the time comes that he needs you. But in the mean time remember to take care of yourself!
>
> I hope in some way this helps you.
>
> I wish you all the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
>
> Greg
>
> > My name is Naeemah Small from Mesa Arizona. I met a guy from Southern Cali. We met will we were 21 years old. Now, I am 24 years and he is too. I started seeing mood changes last year. I told him that he needs to see a doctor or he would not be able to talk to me anymore, so he saw a doctor. After a while, he was digaons with cyclothymia. I still love him. But, he has push me away. He told me that he loves me, but still has push me away. Has anyone gone threw this?
Posted by bob on May 18, 2000, at 23:49:45
In reply to Re: How to deal with it, posted by Naeemah Small on May 18, 2000, at 10:50:51
Hi Naeemah,
I was waiting for someone with cyclothemia to respond ... Greg sounds like he knows more than I do about it (since I've probably skimmed a description, decided it wasn't me, and forgot it), but his experiences are all too familiar.
I've pushed people away from me all my life. I'm doing it right now. There's part of me that wants to scream out "don't let go", but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that voice *never* surfaces in what I say or what I do. These words are from a song by Lyle Lovett:
Listen to your heart that beats
And follow it with both your feet
And as you walk, and as you breathe
You ain't no friend to meIn other words, do yourself a favor and run from me, hate me, forget you even knew me ... because I can't do a thing for you.
-----
On the other hand, look around here and you'll read stories of spouses, children, families that sometimes help and sometimes overwhelm. Not everyone wants to be alone nor needs to be alone. I hope some of these folks can give you some better advice than I can.
But I do agree with Greg that you need to help yourself first. If you get dragged down by your SO because you're not taking care of yourself first, you won't be doing anyone any good. I hope you had established enough of a relationship to break through the wall he wants to throw up right now.
All the same, please remember that it is not your responsibility to rescue him, and you do not have the power to heal him. You can certainly help him, tho, and in more active ways than just "being there" (tho that is a wonderful thing in and of itself) ... but he's got to let you in. Don't feel guilty if he can't, and don't stay with him if one day all that's left is some sense of responsibility. Your greatest responsibility is to yourself.
I'd be very glad to see you post someday that he's changed his tune, and he can let you back inside. It would be nice to know that it can happen afterall.
cheers,
bob
Posted by Jennifer on May 25, 2000, at 1:23:35
In reply to How to deal with it, posted by Naeemah Small on May 17, 2000, at 17:35:14
> Naeemah, I'm a cycler at times, and it's no fun. It can take years to find the "just right" medication and/or therapy. The pushing away has nothing to do with you; you just happen to be the one there. As for some "motherly advice", you are only 24, and people go through a lot of growing over the next five years. The difference in your goals/views of life can be very different at 30 than 25. With that in mind, and prior absolutely great advice to be sure and take care of yourself first, why don't you just distance yourself from this guy for awhile? He needs time to come to grips with his illness and get it under control to the best of HIS ability. As his friend, you may be getting emotionally close to the person that is not "really" him (that's the best I can word that if anyone else can help) Starting a long term relationship under these conditions can be extremely stressful, and marriage is hard enough as it is (I assume that would be your goal if you continue to see him). Get on with your life and if you're still available in 5 years, give him a call to see how he is. He can find support from friends. My illness has been very hard on my family, and my husband and I had been together 9 wonderful years beforehand. That amount of time gave us the stable basis to work through the illness together without ruining our marriage. God bless, and I'll keep his health in my prayers.
My name is Naeemah Small from Mesa Arizona. I met a guy from Southern Cali. We met will we were 21 years old. Now, I am 24 years and he is too. I started seeing mood changes last year. I told him that he needs to see a doctor or he would not be able to talk to me anymore, so he saw a doctor. After a while, he was digaons with cyclothymia. I still love him. But, he has push me away. He told me that he loves me, but still has push me away. Has anyone gone threw this?
Posted by Naeemah Small on May 26, 2000, at 10:44:57
In reply to Re: How to deal with it, posted by Jennifer on May 25, 2000, at 1:23:35
I understand what you are going through, but have you ever asked your mates what they are going through or what they went through.
I do take care of myself, but for the four years we been taking care of each other.
Think about this, how would you feel if you mate just left you, with no reason at all. How would you feel?
I have been depressed, hurt and sad. I am trying to cope with the disorder. I have talk to med. doctors in my family and have join newsgroups.I have to take sleeping pills to just to sleep so I am not worry about him.
BOB, told me to leave him alone. And the woman to me to wait 5 years.
How would you feel if you mate did that to you?Listen, your mates do not have to stick with you through your illness, they can leave you and tell people that you are crazy and insane and that is why they left you.
There is a guy I know that left his wife and telling the world about how crazy his wife is.I just want to say, thank you for telling me what you go through,
but you need to hear it from the other side of coin.Greg mention that he sometimes do not speak to his wife about things.
Listen, you guys have family members and other people that love you, that want to understand, worry about you and care for you.
These people that care for you and also have been by your side, you should show them honor.
Because one thing you forget to tell me, how did they deal with you!
How many times they cried thinking it was their fault, how many times they thought about leaving you,
how many pills they have to take to function normally?Yes, you are going through alot and I understand, but we go through something too.
My boyfriend and I were suppose to get married. He is my soul mate, I know if he was well, we would have gotten married.
Know I can not even go to a wedding because it makes me depressed and I think about him.
I wonder if he is ok. He even told me to forget about him or anything like that. He just left. I know where he works, but he moved and I do not have his new address.
He is not at work. I sent postcards to cheer him up.Even if we did not get married, I still want to be there for him.
I wondered if he is on the street, if he is taking his pills, if he is seeing the doctor,
and what is he doing now. I met him before the disorder that is why I knew something was wrong.You have to understand where I am comming from. I have been taking sleeping pills, working long hours, back in college and hang olut with myself.
My best friend lives out east, so I just talk to her.Some of my other friends that know I boyfriend and also knows his disorder, have thought that I was the cause of it.
They think he crazy and might fun of it. They also think that I only like crazy people.If I wanted to get back in to a relationship, I am scared beacuse I do not know if the person that I am dating will come down with a mental disorder.
Sometimes I cried myself asleep and myself why. Some people in my family do not know about his disoder because if they did, they will make fun of it or think that I am strange.
I have told them I am delaying the wedding because of my personal issuses. I have told them that, I do not think should get married now because I am too young.This is my life and the other side of the coin.
This is the end of the thread.
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