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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:57:45
I'like to know if you all are on the line everyday or do you meet eachother on the outside and become friends , sort of like the movie "you've got mail".oris it not safe to do that.
Posted by andrew on May 29, 2000, at 2:31:24
In reply to question for everyone, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:57:45
My mother told me it is safer to remain anonymous in on-line chat rooms. I am surprised so many people here share so much. For me anomynity lets me share more of myself than I would otherwise. I still worry that someone will breach the viel and connect on-line me with real-life me. Some people from on-line discussions do meet, but if you scroll back a couple archive pages to the "We Love bob" thread, some folks talked about how we can make up things about our on-line friends that are mostly fantasy. We do that in real-life relationships too, presuming someone is all we ever hoped for, until the wedding presents are buried in the lower cabinets and a couple of fist-holes in the wall are already plastered over.
Sorry about the abortion trauma. First he tells you he will stay if you abort, then he leaves anyway. Add that up and you might soon figure you are better off anyway. One minus zero equals one. Zero meaning him. And it was a tough thing to do, but that is one child that will not have to live with him as a father. Maybe he will do better next time, but lucky you don't have to be the one to try and fix him. Sweetness, maybe you two were just not a good match. Guess what...you get another try. If you take your time and use what you learned this time, you might, just maybe score a match made in heavan. More likely you'll get just enough to make it all worthwhile, but whatever.
Shortly before I was divorced, my wife was pregnant and worried about the timing of the pregnacy. Me, being given to stark speach, (I'm actually boBB, but I upset so many people with that handle, I didn't want to use it on the index page) but, me being boBB and really blunt, I said, something like If you don't want the baby get an abortion. Well, I just wanted to tell her she had options. I did not want her to abort. Well, it didn't sound that way to her, I guess. I was just tired from working outside in severe winter weather and wanted to sleep. It was an off-hand comment and she probably would've left for umpteen other reasons as well.
When I was younger I dated a girl who had four or five abortions, including one of my children. Another girlfreind used pennyroyal tea to induce menstruation of what might have been one or two fetuses of ours. (ladies, don't try this at home, its very hard on the internal organs) Now I have pretty low attachment to my children, but that's not gonna stop me. Its Memorial Day. Lots of guys we are gonna remember today dropped bombs on lots of innocent people, including women and children. What happened to you was a tough break, but the fact that you are reaching out indicates you wanna get through it. Best of luck. I'm signing off for tonight. Sleep tight. I'm gonna sleep past noon. I bet you have to work. Seems like lots of medical workers check in here. What's up with that?
hi, CarolAnn, Kathie, Tina1, Noa... ya'll are all cool.
Posted by Jennifer on May 29, 2000, at 3:42:49
In reply to Re: question for everyone, posted by andrew on May 29, 2000, at 2:31:24
Kathy, I just found this chat room last week during a hard time. I've never left a msg on one before, but this one at least seemed to be people that really know that awful feeling you can feel. So many times I want a close friend or family member to go through 15 seconds of severe depression or a panic attack. They would never question it's reality then. But then again, I wouldn't with this on anyone.
I don't know anyone on this site. I think it's best to stay anonymous here, although I am quite open about my mental status with my friends. My good friends know I am I good person with many accomplishments, and a panic attack does not stop them from being my friend, and they do not criticize me. They don't understand though, I can tell. So it's nice to read other people talk like they know EXACTLY how you feel. You seem a bit up already. You've made it over the hump.
As far as medical personnel tuning in here, I'm going to be a bit more open than I should be also. I am a "medical personnel", and we are affected by this crud just as much as everyone else. People I've worked with have learned from my experiences, and when someone comes in feeling like I have, they call me. They do it because they know I am the only one that can understand. That's so much better than the usual ER junk where they mark you off as some psycho. I feel good knowing I have enlightened a few health care workers through my "illness". And I hope, that those that check in here are trying to understand, at some level, so they can be of help to those who need it in the future. Jennifer> My mother told me it is safer to remain anonymous in on-line chat rooms. I am surprised so many people here share so much. For me anomynity lets me share more of myself than I would otherwise. I still worry that someone will breach the viel and connect on-line me with real-life me. Some people from on-line discussions do meet, but if you scroll back a couple archive pages to the "We Love bob" thread, some folks talked about how we can make up things about our on-line friends that are mostly fantasy. We do that in real-life relationships too, presuming someone is all we ever hoped for, until the wedding presents are buried in the lower cabinets and a couple of fist-holes in the wall are already plastered over.
>
> Sorry about the abortion trauma. First he tells you he will stay if you abort, then he leaves anyway. Add that up and you might soon figure you are better off anyway. One minus zero equals one. Zero meaning him. And it was a tough thing to do, but that is one child that will not have to live with him as a father. Maybe he will do better next time, but lucky you don't have to be the one to try and fix him. Sweetness, maybe you two were just not a good match. Guess what...you get another try. If you take your time and use what you learned this time, you might, just maybe score a match made in heavan. More likely you'll get just enough to make it all worthwhile, but whatever.
>
> Shortly before I was divorced, my wife was pregnant and worried about the timing of the pregnacy. Me, being given to stark speach, (I'm actually boBB, but I upset so many people with that handle, I didn't want to use it on the index page) but, me being boBB and really blunt, I said, something like If you don't want the baby get an abortion. Well, I just wanted to tell her she had options. I did not want her to abort. Well, it didn't sound that way to her, I guess. I was just tired from working outside in severe winter weather and wanted to sleep. It was an off-hand comment and she probably would've left for umpteen other reasons as well.
>
> When I was younger I dated a girl who had four or five abortions, including one of my children. Another girlfreind used pennyroyal tea to induce menstruation of what might have been one or two fetuses of ours. (ladies, don't try this at home, its very hard on the internal organs) Now I have pretty low attachment to my children, but that's not gonna stop me. Its Memorial Day. Lots of guys we are gonna remember today dropped bombs on lots of innocent people, including women and children. What happened to you was a tough break, but the fact that you are reaching out indicates you wanna get through it. Best of luck. I'm signing off for tonight. Sleep tight. I'm gonna sleep past noon. I bet you have to work. Seems like lots of medical workers check in here. What's up with that?
>
>
> hi, CarolAnn, Kathie, Tina1, Noa... ya'll are all cool.
Posted by CarolAnn on May 29, 2000, at 9:24:44
In reply to question for everyone, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:57:45
kathy, I just finished writing to you in the messages up where you were thinking of suicide. If you missed my note, please try to find it.
I'm so sorry about your baby, and the whole experience confirms what I wrote in my first note to you, "He was a bad, bad, husband!", and not only that, HE IS A BAD, BAD, PERSON! It's hard to believe right now, but someday you will truly be glad that you are rid of him.
The thing for you to do now, is to think only about yourself and what you need to do to start getting over this. You are much more important then anyone else in your life right now, and don't let anyone try to tell you different! Just concentrate on learning who you are and what your real needs are.
One more thing, losing your baby was sad, but you are wrong to think that if you had the baby, you would never be sad again. I know this is true, when I had my baby, I went through the worst depression I have ever had. And, even though she is the love of my life, I spent the first year and a half of her life wishing I could kill myself. I'm still suffering depression, because my psychiatrist is still trying to find the right anti-depressant drug for me. This is where the "hope" that johnL was talking about comes in. Remember that no matter how bad things are today, there is *always* a chance that something will happen to make things good tommorrow.
Love, your friend, CarolAnn
Posted by ChrisK on May 29, 2000, at 12:39:06
In reply to question for everyone, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:57:45
Kathy,
I have met in person with many people that I have "met" online. I think almost all of them were from a couple of horse racing forums but we developed a common bond. We actually had a full gathering with about 30 people from one forum showing up in one place. I have also met one to one with a woman who also sufferred from depression and had a family member with Alzheimers. We shared a lot in common except for our ages and it was very nice to meet her. I also had my wife with me on the trip. We were just going to be in her area so we decided to meet.
I tend to trust the people that I e-mail on a regular basis after a period of time but then again I am a 37 year old man and can take care of myself in most situations. I don't blame you for listening to your mother's concerns. If your still at that stage I wouldn't reccommend traveling anywhere to meet anyone you've met on the Internet. I get the feeling that if you are still getting advice from your mother that you are young enough to not go through that.
I have made other friends who I never met but have exchanged thoughts and pictures with. It is best to be cautious.
As far as this group goes, I read a lot from the names I recognize and appreciate all of the help that people give each other here. It really is a community of people with similar problems and we can all help each other out.
The best advice I can give you is to watch out for people who reply in personal e-mail rather than to the forum or chat room.
There are many very good people here and no matter what you decide we wish you the best and want you to stay.
Sometimes it takes a while to find the best meds and the proper dx to get the help you need. Just keep reading a lot of these threads and you will find out that there a re a lot of us who can bond together without meeting.
Hope this helps a little,
ChrisP.S. You do have your e-mail address showing which you may want to delete if you are concerned about any informal contact.
> I'like to know if you all are on the line everyday or do you meet eachother on the outside and become friends , sort of like the movie "you've got mail".oris it not safe to do that.
Posted by bob on May 29, 2000, at 13:26:46
In reply to Re: question for everyone, posted by ChrisK on May 29, 2000, at 12:39:06
> The best advice I can give you is to watch out for people who reply in personal e-mail rather than to the forum or chat room.
Oops! Damn! And I just sent Kathy an email message, too.
Kathy, it *can* be kinda hard in our situations to meet, since we're flung across the world ... even to Canada, if you can believe that! (=*P to the lot of ya! Especially Cam! ;^). But Dr. Bob does travel sometimes and that can open opportunities for having a face-to-face in some public place.
... tho, when we did try it in NYC, it was Dr. Bob, Anita (you still lurking around?) and me. Some pre-babblefest publicity dissuaded, it seems, some of those with social anxiety ... just another of the obstacles in getting Babblelanders together.
Anyway, as the advice goes, you're an adult an can make your own decisions. The standard wisdom is to meet as publically as possible. Still, I'd have to say that the people here that I know well, as well as you can come to know someone online, are folks I'd trust more easily than those I've met in other places online.
And while we're on the topic, I may be in DC around the weekend of the 4th (Yes, of July). If anyone wants to get together, let me know ...
damn! that means more personal email, doesn't it?
;^) [to ChrisK]
bob
Posted by shar on May 29, 2000, at 13:32:19
In reply to Re: question for everyone, posted by ChrisK on May 29, 2000, at 12:39:06
Did everyone but me know their e-mail addresses were showing? I did not read the FAQ's but I did wonder how someone could contact someone else by e-mail. Thank you SO much Chris for your P.S. on your message. Otherwise I wouldn't have known about mine either!
I assume the key is whether your name shows up in blue (that may just be my machine) or black. I clicked on yours Chris (in blue) and it brought up an e-mail form for me to use. (The big Ah-Ha moment.)_
My name seems to be in black so I guess I am not available for e-mailing, which I prefer.
Thank you again!
S
Posted by NikkiT on May 29, 2000, at 14:13:11
In reply to question for everyone, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:57:45
I actually met my husband on line, and have some great mates I met on line. I think you *do* have to be careful when meeting people, and, with the case of my husband, we had also spent many months emailing and then phoning each other before we actually met physically.
> I'like to know if you all are on the line everyday or do you meet eachother on the outside and become friends , sort of like the movie "you've got mail".oris it not safe to do that.
Posted by Sara T on May 29, 2000, at 17:29:05
In reply to question for everyone, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:57:45
> I'like to know if you all are on the line everyday or do you meet eachother on the outside and become friends , sort of like the movie "you've got mail".oris it not safe to do that.
I have met people with whom I chat on another forum, but in general, its hard to do because people are in such different locales. I think most people are online most days. At least it seems that way.
Sara T.
Posted by ChrisK on May 30, 2000, at 6:30:55
In reply to Re: oops!, posted by bob on May 29, 2000, at 13:26:46
Bob,
I'll trust you for a little while longer since your e-mail address is public also. :-)
I really just wanted to warn some of the newbies to the net that there is a slight threat about posting your e-mail and having some weirdo (or mental patient like me) contact them that way. I generally can get rid of people I don't want to hear from.
Of course, other mental patients (maybe even you) can contact me and I won't be harmful.
How was the NYC gathering ? Did you go? If I had been in this group then I may have gone because I'm just a short train ride away from Manhattan.
Chris
Posted by Cam W. on May 30, 2000, at 7:35:56
In reply to Re: oops!, posted by ChrisK on May 30, 2000, at 6:30:55
> I really just wanted to warn some of the newbies to the net that there is a slight threat about posting your e-mail and having some weirdo (or mental patient like me) contact them that way. I generally can get rid of people I don't want to hear from.
Chris
Yeah, this guy named bob has shown up at my summer home and I can't seem to get rid of him. How do you do it? 8^)
- Cam
Posted by ChrisK on May 30, 2000, at 8:25:10
In reply to Re: oops!, posted by Cam W. on May 30, 2000, at 7:35:56
Cam,
You obviously aren't acting like enough of a mental patient. If they feel threatened they tend to go away :^)
BTW "Bob" was a funny movie IMHO
>
>
> Chris
> Yeah, this guy named bob has shown up at my summer home and I can't seem to get rid of him. How do you do it? 8^)
> - Cam
Posted by bob on May 30, 2000, at 22:53:00
In reply to Re: oops!, posted by Cam W. on May 30, 2000, at 7:35:56
> Yeah, this guy named bob has shown up at my summer home and I can't seem to get rid of him. How do you do it? 8^)
Huh? How do *I* do it?
Baby steps, Cam, baby steps ...
bob =^)
Posted by Kim on May 30, 2000, at 23:59:47
In reply to Re: oops!, posted by bob on May 30, 2000, at 22:53:00
I have a former Pdoc I wish the same fate as Dr. Leo Marvin----
BTW, if you don't want your e-mail address made available, you can leave the box blank when you post. (Or delete it if it shows up.)
This is the end of the thread.
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