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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
hi. i may be getting kicked out because my mom doesn't understand and is upset at me. she cant understand that i am unable to go school work in my current state. i feel like complete **** always. it has been getting much worse recently. i dont care about anything. if she kicks me out i'll tell her to drop dead and i'll never see her again. my life right now is over anyway. i need help. doctor at the hospital refused ECT. he doesn't realize how severe it's been for me. I need to save my life. I live in canada and i have th ohip card so ECT would be covered for free if the doctors approve.how does hospitalization work? i feel i may need to stay at a hospital to be safe. will they force meds on me or will i have the freedom of what goes in my mouth? some meds have me severely worse. effexor made me extremely suicidal. i dont want to deal with that. will they force me to take certain meds if i am at the hospital? i feel i really may need to go soon. i wish those bastards gave me adderall or something. i dont care if it causes addiction. i need to save my damn life. people smoke cigarettes which are far more dangerous. it makes me sick how i am treated. so i may be gone soon. maybe the doctors will later be convinced i need ECT as soon as possible. i'm crying very often, mind torture always, i feel as if i'm already almost dead.
Posted by Krazy Kat on September 5, 2001, at 20:01:49
In reply to How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
> I don't know how this works in the U.S. or Canada, I'm afraid, but if you don't get the responses you need, post again!
Take care!
Posted by ChrisK on September 6, 2001, at 9:04:30
In reply to How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
Do you have a current pdoc who tlaks to your parents and explains what you are going through? It's important that you can get through to your mother how bads things have egotten.
As far as the hosptol goes I have been in a few in the past. Two were very good experiences where I felt a sense of safety. Nothing was forced on me but the resident doctors did ask that I try different meds. I had the choice of trying them or not.
There was also a lot of talk therapy available. There were group meetings of the people in our wing of the building and you got a sense that everything wasn't as bad as you first thought.
There are a lot of people in your situation. If you are definitely suicidal you need to get yourself into a hospital TODAY. Go to an emergency room and they will direct you to a ward or hospital where you can get help.
Good Luck,
Chris
Posted by Lini on September 6, 2001, at 9:23:22
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by ChrisK on September 6, 2001, at 9:04:30
I second Chris' comments - I don't know how the healthcare system works in Canada, but suicidal feelings are an extreme danger to your health, no different than anything else you would call emergency help for. call an ambulance, or go to the ER. keep reaching out and definitely seek therapy, you need a professional person to talk to about how you feel...keep posting.
Posted by adamie on September 6, 2001, at 9:39:09
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by Lini on September 6, 2001, at 9:23:22
> I second Chris' comments - I don't know how the healthcare system works in Canada, but suicidal feelings are an extreme danger to your health, no different than anything else you would call emergency help for. call an ambulance, or go to the ER. keep reaching out and definitely seek therapy, you need a professional person to talk to about how you feel...keep posting.
the absolutely horrible feelings have passed. i dunno why it went so low. my mood is often very unstable. i am back to being able to wait until something works. i was really desperate before though. as in I want ECT asap. but hopefully it wont come to that. take care
Posted by Adam on September 6, 2001, at 13:54:37
In reply to How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
Not sure about Canada. Where I'm from, voluntary admittance means nothing is compulsory. You stay as long as you want, you take whatever you want (if they'll give it to you). If you behave well, your freedom is secure.
>
> hi. i may be getting kicked out because my mom doesn't understand and is upset at me. she cant understand that i am unable to go school work in my current state. i feel like complete **** always. it has been getting much worse recently. i dont care about anything. if she kicks me out i'll tell her to drop dead and i'll never see her again. my life right now is over anyway. i need help. doctor at the hospital refused ECT. he doesn't realize how severe it's been for me. I need to save my life. I live in canada and i have th ohip card so ECT would be covered for free if the doctors approve.
>
> how does hospitalization work? i feel i may need to stay at a hospital to be safe. will they force meds on me or will i have the freedom of what goes in my mouth? some meds have me severely worse. effexor made me extremely suicidal. i dont want to deal with that. will they force me to take certain meds if i am at the hospital? i feel i really may need to go soon. i wish those bastards gave me adderall or something. i dont care if it causes addiction. i need to save my damn life. people smoke cigarettes which are far more dangerous. it makes me sick how i am treated. so i may be gone soon. maybe the doctors will later be convinced i need ECT as soon as possible. i'm crying very often, mind torture always, i feel as if i'm already almost dead.
Posted by Storm on September 6, 2001, at 19:06:06
In reply to How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
Adamie,
I've gone through lots of stuff. my parents never once understood me. dad said I was just faking when I wanted to die. I've been in hell for a while. I'm doing a little better at college now. I understand your situation. and I am here for you when you want to talk; in fact it would help me too probably. your life is important. you just can't see the truth right now because you are in such a bad state. I promise you, you WILL get better if it's something you want. and I will try to help you as much as I can if you need me. please, please take care. I may not know you, but I know you are hurting and your life matters to me. Love, Christy. Christydiane81@hotmail.com
instant message is Storm1281 it's on aol.> hi. i may be getting kicked out because my mom doesn't understand and is upset at me. she cant understand that i am unable to go school work in my current state. i feel like complete **** always. it has been getting much worse recently. i dont care about anything. if she kicks me out i'll tell her to drop dead and i'll never see her again. my life right now is over anyway. i need help. doctor at the hospital refused ECT. he doesn't realize how severe it's been for me. I need to save my life. I live in canada and i have th ohip card so ECT would be covered for free if the doctors approve.
>
> how does hospitalization work? i feel i may need to stay at a hospital to be safe. will they force meds on me or will i have the freedom of what goes in my mouth? some meds have me severely worse. effexor made me extremely suicidal. i dont want to deal with that. will they force me to take certain meds if i am at the hospital? i feel i really may need to go soon. i wish those bastards gave me adderall or something. i dont care if it causes addiction. i need to save my damn life. people smoke cigarettes which are far more dangerous. it makes me sick how i am treated. so i may be gone soon. maybe the doctors will later be convinced i need ECT as soon as possible. i'm crying very often, mind torture always, i feel as if i'm already almost dead.
Posted by AVR on September 6, 2001, at 22:25:54
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by Lini on September 6, 2001, at 9:23:22
I feel the same way you do adamie. I am 18 and have abused street drugs for the last year while being on paxil. I haven't taken any drugs for 2 months now and I haven't been on paxil for 2 months also. I too feel like crap and I live with a great amount of fear each day. I have an hereditary depression, severe anxiety and muscle twitches(tourretts) The only thing that helps me is prayer. I am also thinking about staying in the hospital for a while until I get better. I am seeing specialists in the near future and waiting to see what they think. Please don't end your life . You WILL get better.
Posted by Ignatz on September 6, 2001, at 22:39:26
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by Storm on September 6, 2001, at 19:06:06
Adamie,
Hospitalization helped me a lot. I've been in two different hospitals, both in the US. The first was just in a little town halfway across the country from my home. I had gone to my parents' for a few weeks and they can be pretty verbally abusive. I left there, horribly depressed, to drive to another state for a conference for my work. 8 hours of driving later, feeling suicidal and panicky, I found a hospital and asked them to admit me. They were warm and kind; it was such a relief to be with others who understood how I was feeling. I didn't do ECT-- they added a mood stablizer (Depakote) to the antidepressant I take, cranked its dose, and gave me tranquilizers. I was out in 4 days- I didn't feel too good for a while, but I felt a hell of a lot better.
The other 2 times have been 2 day visits in my hometown hospital-- again, they've been kind and helpful.
I don't know if they can force meds on you. I know, though, that when I've been feeling as bad as you do, I'd try pretty much anything the docs gave me if it might work. I have always had competent doctors who seemed to know what they were doing and had my best interests at heart. And ECT's effects can wear off soon, I hear-- meds seem more lasting.
So, go.
Posted by stjames on September 6, 2001, at 23:22:56
In reply to How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
What meds have you tried ?
Posted by adamie on September 7, 2001, at 11:30:51
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by stjames on September 6, 2001, at 23:22:56
> What meds have you tried ?
paxil 24 days. effexor 7 days. wellbutrin along with zyprexa for maybe 2 weeks. and 5htp for 2 weeks.
1 week on paxil i was feeling better. i actually was able and willing to go to a theme park. had some fun. then it went away. i was back to feeling as bad as i was before meds and maybe worse. i kept feeling very very bad until 24 days on it when i decided to stop. i read how paxil isn't suited for my symptoms of extremely poor concentration. i felt even more brain dead than before the meds and just very bad in general.
stopping it caused a miracle improvement 3-4 days after. i was feeling so good i thought surely i would make a full recovery. i was doing many of the things which i did before the depression. i was actually living again. this lasted for maybe 7 days. then it suddenly went downnnnnnnnnnnnnn. all in one day. one afternoon it went very down. then very slightly better, then 2 weeks after i was at the point where i felt i had to try another med. i was beggining to feel quite horrible. i was put on effexor 37.5mg later raised to 75mg. this was for 1 week. the first dose i took I felt quite bad that day. like detached from the world and i just felt horrible, like my emotions were even more taken away. this passed for the next day. but then i was beggining to feel extremely horrible. this worsening continued for the 7 days. constant mind torture. I couldn't stand it. I had to get off the med asap. a few days after i was feeling better. the disgusting doctor didn't believe me and said it was impossible effexor was making me worse. this same disgusting doctor was the one who believed accutane couldn't possiblty cause my depression when it was fact it did.
so these few days after i was put on zyprexa. extremely sedating. i remember the jerks forced me to go into a group talk therapy program which cannot help me. I was sitting there trying to fight off the horrible mind torture while everyone else was all talkative, laughing, smiling, talking about life. these are people who are deffinetly not significantly depressed. yet I'm the one who is not taken seriously. i couldn't even participate. i just lay there afterwards trying to just pass the time. those are people who are recovered. those are people who are dealing with life issues. I dont have life issues. I have uncontrollable depression with mind torture. talking will not heal my brain. i couldn't stand being there. two days after the zyprexa i was added wellbutrin 100mg. and the doctor wouldn't riase it for 2 weeks. how the heck can meds help me if i am not even given a decent dose? it didn't help. and i was feeling quite bad on the combination. it is hard to remember how i felt. i always feel a bit different on meds than i do off. at first i had the willingness to be able to pass the time. and so i did on my computer playing some games even though i felt very very bad. yet this motivation feeling or whatever it was passed. i no longer even wanted to do things. i just felt generally very bad on the wellbutrin with zyprexa. right before wellbutrin was added i was feeling slightly better after the sedation from zyprexa wore off a bit. so perhaps the zyprexa may have helped by itself or with some other med possibly. i stopped taking the wellbutrin and zyprexa. I am not supossed to feel like crap on meds and if i am not given an effective dose then what is the point. that doctor is disgusting.going off the meds i went on 5htp just for the sake of it. i dont know what it is about the meds but they made me worse. possibly helping in the end? if i could have bared it then okay. but i couldn't. and the effexor was just pure hell. I would actually be shaking sometimes when I'd walk and my heart would be pounding so much that i would have heart pain. going off the meds and just being on the natural 5htp improved my condition. i doubt the 5htp had any effect, possibly it did, but i feel it was deffinetly coming off meds which helped in this case. i was feeling quite better, but of course still a very very long way to go to be my normal self. being off meds seemed to have no mind torture anymore. instead just inability to enjoy things, limited emotions and concentration. but it was better. at least no mind torture. my ability to enjoy things actually returned in a very slight form. i could watch tv more, play some video games. very slight enjoyment with of course feeling bad but not horrible. this was for like 10 days. as the days went by my mood was seemingly getting a little worse. i read how st john's wort can increase the effect of 5htp so i took that. after my 3rd dose i was watching a movie. and then later i felt like i was losing my mind. as if i was going crazy or something. i was feeling quite strange and very bad. but then later on in bed i was feeling better. I was actually able to imagine my perfect fiance. i was feeling better that moment then before being just on the 5htp (which was having some kind of effect, dunno if good or bad). so the next day i was to feeling the way i was just on 5htp. i felt i should see again if i can feel that betterness again. i felt quite bad during that day so i decided to stop the st john's wort. no more of that. i dunno why the heck so many meds can make me worse.
and i just started prozac 3 days ago. the first day i took it I began to feel extremely horrible 4 hours after the first dose. but perhaps it was a reaction to stopping the 5htp because i stopped it the day before prozac. this horrible feeling lasted for 4 hours. i felt so bad i called some information place to ask where i could find a mental hospital. i was feeling extremely horrible. there turned out to be no mental hospitals in the area. i was told to go to the hospital later when someone can drive me so they would take me somewhere or do whatever.
i cried a lot and just went to bed trying to sleep or just pass the time. i slept maybe a little. then laying there awake. i was then feeling better. the absolutely horrible feelings had passed. then my mood has been going up and down a bit the last few days. sometimes i felt as if i was getting better, other times like i was worse. and today i just generally feel like crap. if i get worse during the next week then it's deffinetly the prozac. it is giving me more energy but i dont want to feel worse. i dont want mind torture.i wish i could get ECT. I dunno what the heck can help me. I will just have to see. hopefully i will be able to do this trial of prozac. i hope it doesn't make me worse. bye for now
Posted by adamie on September 7, 2001, at 11:34:26
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by AVR on September 6, 2001, at 22:25:54
> I feel the same way you do adamie. I am 18 and have abused street drugs for the last year while being on paxil. I haven't taken any drugs for 2 months now and I haven't been on paxil for 2 months also. I too feel like crap and I live with a great amount of fear each day. I have an hereditary depression, severe anxiety and muscle twitches(tourretts) The only thing that helps me is prayer. I am also thinking about staying in the hospital for a while until I get better. I am seeing specialists in the near future and waiting to see what they think. Please don't end your life . You WILL get better.
i will try to keep on surviving no matter how hard it is. i am just sick of feeling horrible.
Posted by HenryO on September 8, 2001, at 4:47:22
In reply to How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 5, 2001, at 11:31:07
Sometimes you just have to hunker down like a mule in a hailstorm. But don't give up. At least not permanently. Be AGRESSIVE about MEDical treatment. That's the best advice I ever got. Eventually you will find something that works. If you just keep keeping on. I'm on quite a cocktail, but to hell with anyone's opinion who hasn't had my experiences with depression. I know what medication has done and is doing for me. Knowing that won't make your pain any less, but you know your experience of reality is pathological, trust your gut and let time drag you forward. Just keep trying when ever you can- in disgust, in desperation and in depression just keep trying with the best doctor you can find, medication medication medication.
Posted by k9lover on September 8, 2001, at 11:38:55
In reply to Re: How does hospitalization work, posted by adamie on September 7, 2001, at 11:34:26
>
> i will try to keep on surviving no matter how hard it is. i am just sick of feeling horrible.Please DO keep going. I'm in Ontario, and when my depression is too much, I go to an ER I like in Toronto and tell them what's happening. Haven't been admitted, but have been "observed" and have spent 2-5 hours talking to crisis workers and it really helped. They are there for us, and that is a very legitimate reason to use the ER. Just to get it out of our systems. THey genuinely have cared for my well-being (at Toronto Western anyway, that wasn't the case elsewhere). Was also taken to a Centre for a few days which bought me the time I needed to recover from a crisis at home.
We are here for you...
Jan
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