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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 247 to 271 of 948. Go back in thread:
Posted by Jennifer N. on July 17, 2003, at 13:57:02
In reply to Re: Gosford Park, Li and creativity » fluffy, posted by Barbara Cat on July 17, 2003, at 13:26:15
Hi Fluffy & Barbara
I've been reading your postings about Bipolar and artists, creativity, etc. I wrote the best poem I have ever written yesterday while in a manic phase. What was so interesting, is that I was listening, attentively, to a conference call at work...a three and a half hour conference call that we call "Accountability". (Holding others accountable for their actions, personal issues that hinder our work, etc.) My mind was split in two: one side listening to this meeting, being involved and listening to everything they said, and the other half was writing this amazing peice of work! It just flowed out of me. This was the first time I have ever experienced anything like this! It was cool, but also a little scary.
I also am a painter, but more so I'm a singer/musician. I have been involved in music my whole life. I am excited about what my mania will do for me in the creative world of music...but that sounds pretty sick, huh? The rest of the mania SUCKS! The insomnia, the not eating, the excessive spending, etc.
Am I wrong to think this? I like being able to produce wonderful work that I am finally happy with!
-Jennifer N.
> Hi Fluffy,
> Does your name have to do with your bubbly butt? (That might sound really weird to someone just getting into this thread!) Glad you can approach your art so centeredly. Do you make your living doing this? If so, good for you!
>
> I felt similarly to K.R. Jamison's description of the 'tortured artist'. I think she was in a full throttle manic swing when she wrote it, or had leaning towards OCD. All those charts and graphs! plus she was in clinical practice full time. It is interesting how so many passionate artist-types are categorized as bipolar. Maybe it had something to do with too much lead in the cookware and pipes back then. Beethoven's hair was analyzed not too long ago and it showed sky high lead levels. He was majorly depressed but obviously had moments of grandeur. But who wouldn't be depressed back then with the cold, heat, grime, rotten teeth and no baths! Yecch.
>
> Lithium doesn't damp out the fire at all for me. I've heard that it can do that, i.e., Jamison was taking alot of lithium and said that she eventually compromised with less lithium, less stability, but more creativity. I'm only taking 600mg/day which is below the therapeutic window so maybe more would affect me more adversely.
> Without it I get frizzled and disordered so whatever it does, it does me good. I considered that I had ADD but stimulants made me feel even more fried.
>
> Lithium supposedly makes new neurons and is protective - brain healthy. That may be so, however, it's made my hypothyroid condition worse and I pee alot more. I have to exercise alot just to stay plump. Hopefully jettisoning the nortriptyline will help in that regard. - Barbara
Posted by maxime on July 17, 2003, at 14:47:30
In reply to Re: Lamictal-Barbara » starlight, posted by Barbara Cat on July 14, 2003, at 20:47:05
Mixed states over here! I think I would rather just deal with my deep depression. When I mentioned the words "mixed state" to my GP I had to explain to her what I meant and how I felt.
I always thought I was bipolar 2, but apparantly "delusions" are not one of the criteria for bipolar 2 and I get extreme paranoia during a mix state. See this site:
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/frameset.htmlBut mixed states seem to come under BP1 as dysphoric mania - Look at this site for one woman's description of depression, Euphoric mania and dysphoric mania.
http://home.att.net/~mercurial-mind/comparison.htmlToo make it even more confusing I think there is research from the UK that has identified 6 forms of bipolar - if I find the site I will post it.
Max
> Starlight,
> You think mixed states is more representative of BP-I than II? I was wondering about that myself. I get 'normal' depressions on occasion but the mixed states are absolute hell. I descend into an almost psychotic state where everything is painful and despairing. Unlike garden variety depression I feel things too sharply, cry and wail and can sometimes have hallucinations. I get precognitions that unfortunately play out, but they are all of the doom variety. The world becomes an apocolyptic nightmare where the singing angels fly away and abandon us. We are lost in the mind of an insane God. It takes me over completely. I hardly sleep, and it feels like my nerve endings are scorched. Very wild, a place that might be fascinating to explore if it weren't so horrific and debilitating. I would almost call it schizophrenia if it weren't so cyclical. I haven't had one of these doozeys since starting lithium.
>
> Who knows what our stuff really is? For me, it's probably a highly attuned sensitivity that's gone awry, circuits miswired. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I haven't met many mixed-states on this board. - Barbara
Posted by maxime on July 17, 2003, at 14:56:44
In reply to Re: Lamictal-Barbara, posted by kaybo on July 15, 2003, at 20:33:12
It seems like some of who are BP are using Lamictal as an antidepressant. But is any one using it as a mood stabiliser and if so do you use add on stabiliser (seems like several of you take lamictal and trileptal). I'm also curious to know if you are taking both which one did you try first and which one was add on.
Mac
> Hey there,
> Just kind of stumbled onto your thread here. Definitely relating to it all. I am finally starting to stabalize on my meds. Again. Been pretty much a two year on again, off again battle. I'm now on 150mg Lamictal and 900mg of Trileptol. Plus I need to take something to sleep or I'm in a state of aware dreaming all night. I've been taking Seroquel. Then tried Zyprexa and started feeling surreal during the day.
> I'm a screenwriter. Another messed up artist I guess. Had many moments of spiritual "awakening" and I feel like part of my extended depressed state stems from feeling that those moments were really induced by the disorder. I was way into searching for enlightenment and now am afraid to tread anywhere near it. My major manic episode was brought on by a combination of heavy antidepressants, stress, a couple weeks of no sleep and a bunch of mushrooms. I thought I had figured it all out. Then I exploded. And crashed extremely hard after being put on high doses of Depakote. Later added Wellbutrin, but never got through the darkness. Started over again about five months ago. The Lamictal seems to be working well to ease the depression, but I'm still not quite fully there yet. Pdoc keeps the Trileptol on board to keep the threat of mania away. I'm not so sure about it. I'm looking so forward to the day when the cloud disappears and I can see clearly.
> peace.
Posted by cleo on July 17, 2003, at 16:22:17
In reply to Re: Barb, for barbaracat.......lexapro and depakote » cleo, posted by Barbara Cat on July 17, 2003, at 1:58:12
Posted by fluffy on July 17, 2003, at 17:46:54
In reply to Re: Gosford Park, Li and creativity » Barbara Cat, posted by Jennifer N. on July 17, 2003, at 13:57:02
Jennifer--
I think both Barbara and I are coming to the conclusion that it is even more possible to follow through with your creative endeavors when NOT MANIC--i.e. NOT ILL! I still feel inspired--I'm just not as angry and unfocused. Give this med thing a go. You may be surprised about the good changes it causes in you. When I look back before I was diagnosed and unmedicated--SHEESH! What a mess I was. Getting into arguments, spending too much money...you know the drill. And I didn't produce artwork for quite awhile due to being ill. I wouldn't get EXCITED about your mania. It can rear its ugly head...and it ends with a crash into DEPRESSION.
So I take it that the Lamictal is not quelling your mania? If you feel it is getting out of control, you should tell your doc. Anyway--I'm out of advice for now.
To Barbara--
I don't make a living from my artwork. I have a full time job which is not too taxing. I'm gunning for my "big break"--working in my free time, applying for grants and such.Good luck to the both of you's!
Katy
Posted by tentdweller on July 17, 2003, at 20:06:46
In reply to Re: BIPOLAR QUESTION?, posted by McPac on July 15, 2003, at 0:04:23
I spent last winter in a tent (kept storage unit for furniture, etc.) I have been unemployed more than nine months now, with occasional day labor to supply rice and beans and cat food (yes, my cat stuck around the tent). Lost contact with most everyone, but in June made contact with old college girlfriend who found me on the internet. I packed all my stuff in a uhaul and drove 800 miles to move in with her. Before I had unpacked my car, we smoked weed, got blackout drunk on bourbon (I had been clean for six months at the tent) bought unknown pills from a self-described ex-con at a bar, and followed another stranger home to buy weed, (scene missing). I knew we were both headcases in college, but moved under the illusion, delusion, whatever, that she had her life together. A week of blurred visions and bad sexual decisions later, I pawned what I could for gas money home. With summer came snakes, scorpions, and assorted unwanted critters in my tent. Extended family members took me in on the condition that i see a psychiatrist. i have been open and honest with him, and he has diagnosed me with cyclothymia. In the past i would have argued that I am a moody bastard, but not manic-depressive. After the longest depression I have faced, and I have faced many, I just couldn't shake this one. I have a Bachelor of Arts, and have held demanding jobs in the past. I feel like I just need a job to feel normal, but I am having difficulty socializing with anyone or selling myself to employers. Doc has me on Zoloft (three weeks in) for the depression, and Zyprexa (two weeks in)for the insomnia. Anyone out there who can convince me these drugs will work eventually. I have been fully sober for three weeks, but longing lately for the old self-medication. Help!
Posted by tentdweller on July 17, 2003, at 21:15:19
In reply to Re: Barb, for barbaracat.......lexapro and depakote » McPac, posted by Barbara Cat on July 16, 2003, at 0:53:27
Your postings strike me as most helpful. What is your opinion of Zyprexa at 10mg for insomnia. I am also on Zoloft for depression. Zoloft three weeks, Zyprexa two weeks. Feeling hyper and kind of creepy... staying with family. They left without me for a week's vacation, and I am in need of some constructive thoughts.
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 1:50:13
In reply to Barbara Cat, I need your opinion, posted by tentdweller on July 17, 2003, at 21:15:19
Dear TW,
First of all, let me express my utmost appreciation for you. In these sterile days of BushEnomics, your lovely adventures ring loud and true to wanderers everywhere. The pain and upheaval you're experiencing is healthy outrage, pure and simple, against the dreary crap we call Life Today. The travesty is that we have to medicate against this natural and healthy pissed-off reaction to unethical Big Brother bull that we're all too chicken-shit to stand up to. It's not you. Anyone who isn't going through Hell isn't really alive. What we lack is proper guidance rather than better meds.Whew, glad to get that off my chest. OK, Zyprexa. I was on it 5 years ago because I was having wild hallucinations in my otherwise predictable depressions. I've since come to regard them as 'I have HAD IT!' breaking through, but they were too inexplicable/problematic for my 20 minute every 8 week psych session to handle. I felt swooshy and revved and once I finally fell asleep, slept like the Dead without any dreams. Woke up hungover until noon. Sleep, I don't know about sleep since I get so little of it. But melatonin works well when it works. I take Ambien. Someday I'll be off it, but for now, if I don't sleep I get wack-o. What's really the issue for me is stressed out adrenals from years and years of intense stress. Hah! I'm amazed I survived my many years as a computer consultant. Stress, and the chemicals stress produces, is the reason why we feel we can't handle life's journey. How we get beyond our stress is the answer. You know this.
Zoloft was a good drug for me. It took care of panic attacks and morbid dread. But it never lasted for long. I kept having to increase it to dangerous levels because the panic and sense of doom kept breaking through. I think I'm really bipolar rather than major depressed, but that's just another name, a pigeon-hole, a neat little HMO diagnosis for insurance sake. I believe I've been having one spiritual reckoning after another but, until lately, haven't had proper training to guide me through. So lithium helps with the wild ride, and lamictal helps with the ever-present Dark Night of the Soul. No more SSRI's for me. I try to meditate every day. I try to stay away from stimulants, i.e., alcohol, opiods, pot - even though they provide an instaneous relief and that dark thrill that I pay too high a price for. I don't know how to do all this on my own, but I fervently believe it can be done. Until then, I gladly accept help, realizing that I am ultimately responsible for Me. If what you're taking/doing helps to get you through the night, then be glad. If not, keep searching. Just be sure not to burn yourself out, legally or otherwise.
Altough I know that my difficulties are a product of a very difficult childhood, I've often wondered how much of my nervous system was forged by my psychedelic experimentation. I had mainly great revelations, but some of them were Pure Hell. My terrible depressions/psychosis were like the worst acid trip imaginable. Bearing this in mind, I guess Zyprexa should have worked, being a reputable anti-psychotic. But my spiritual seeking has convinced me that these intense reactions were NOT simply crazed chemistry. No, they were the truth for me at that moment and, it turns out, for this moment as well. Pure reaction and viscera. My pain came from not trusting myself and not having a clue how to live true to myself. My anxiety came from dreading a future I felt I could not handle. Flaking out in so many ways for so many years didn't help this anxiety one bit. At least now I can admit that I'm still quite ignorant, but at least open to learning. Getting out of that crazy-ass corporate world was necessary for my mental and physical health, and I've even been financially validated for that decision.
So, this is what I've learned. Trust your deepest knowing. You know what this is. Do the known remedies for depression/anxiety. That is, get good healthy exercise outdoors, eat fresh unprocessed foods, pure water and lots of it. Be boringly pristine and find friends who share your highest intentions. Get plenty of sleep (however you can), quiet your mind whatever way works best. Omega 3's are helpful, as in fish oil. Ask Spirit for guidance. Find a teaching that works for you and follow it but don't beat yourself up when you don't. Keep a journal and write in it EVERY DAY. While driving, listen to tapes of those who have been there and back instead of fragmenting noise. This way, being in the car becomes an opportunity for healing rather than frazzling.
And above all, love and be good to the Critter Kingdom (i.e., your kitties)! They will open your heart. That's where it's at, always. Keep me posted, TW. I'm with you. - BarbaraCat
Posted by bampf on July 18, 2003, at 6:47:06
In reply to Re: Barbara Cat, I need your opinion » tentdweller, posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 1:50:13
just wanted to comment that I enjoyed reading your long post to "tentdweller" in a rather comforting fashion since it struck so close to home for me.
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 11:35:09
In reply to Re: Lamictal-Barbara, posted by maxime on July 17, 2003, at 14:47:30
Thanks Max. I haven't seen the MercurialMind article yet. It is sooooooooooo true.
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 11:58:29
In reply to Re: Lamictal- mood stabiliser, posted by maxime on July 17, 2003, at 14:56:44
> It seems like some of who are BP are using Lamictal as an antidepressant. But is any one using it as a mood stabiliser and if so do you use add on stabiliser (seems like several of you take lamictal and trileptal). I'm also curious to know if you are taking both which one did you try first and which one was add on.
>
I started on lithium first. Was on Remeron first (just one of many SSRI-type meds I tried over the years). When it pooped out like they all do, lithium was added as an augmentor. Worked for a while but I was still getting mixed states. When I discovered my reactions were pure bipolar being destabilized by SSRI, I quit Remeron and went with lithium alone. Lithium alone did not help with the massive mixed states depressions I was in the grip of. Added lamictal and it worked well until a severe stress hit and I needed nortriptyline to keep me from harm. Helped alot but got tired of weight gain, cotton mouth, tremors. So I stopped nortriptyline without any withdrawal while slowly increasing lamictal. Lately I've increased lamictal from 75mg to 150 and will go up as needed. Before, I couldn't tolerate the anxiety from a dose greater than 75mg, but this time it's OK. It seems to be a wonder med at this higher dose, but I still need lithium to soothe my skittering neurons. I probably need more than 600mg lithium I'm on because I still get too wired, but I will not take more because of the problems it's caused with my already hypothyroid condition. I also don't want to deaden passion or creativity, so I'm using exercise to release the pressure. If I can avoid plummeting while dancing on the edge of hypomania, that's quite OK by me.
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 12:07:26
In reply to Re: Barbara Cat, I need your opinion, posted by bampf on July 18, 2003, at 6:47:06
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 12:37:58
In reply to Re: Gosford Park, Li and creativity » Barbara Cat, posted by Jennifer N. on July 17, 2003, at 13:57:02
Jennifer,
Your poety experience sounds wonderful. And funny with the 'Acountability' thing, although it sounds like you were very accountable to your Muse. That's one of the amazing things about hypomania - the mind sparkles so dynamically and efficiently. If we could only experience that productive exhiliration, still get sleep and calm, and not spiral into anxiety, mania or depression! I'm attempting to do that with keeping my lithium level subtherapeutically low and defusing my pent up manic energy with LOTS of physical activity, and also meditating and slow breathing to center and calm. But it's challenging since I'm still getting distracted and want to either flit about or stay in bed. Commitment to any practice/change is hard enough and sometimes I have to kick my butt to get moving. But once I do, it never fails to keep me inspired and helps with focus. That would be my advice. Take a med to stop the kindling, release the energy with exercise (preferably outdoors) and then use some means to quiet your mind. Your Muse will have a clearer and more consistent channel to you.>
Hi Fluffy & Barbara
>
> I've been reading your postings about Bipolar and artists, creativity, etc. I wrote the best poem I have ever written yesterday while in a manic phase. What was so interesting, is that I was listening, attentively, to a conference call at work...a three and a half hour conference call that we call "Accountability". (Holding others accountable for their actions, personal issues that hinder our work, etc.) My mind was split in two: one side listening to this meeting, being involved and listening to everything they said, and the other half was writing this amazing peice of work! It just flowed out of me. This was the first time I have ever experienced anything like this! It was cool, but also a little scary.
>
> I also am a painter, but more so I'm a singer/musician. I have been involved in music my whole life. I am excited about what my mania will do for me in the creative world of music...but that sounds pretty sick, huh? The rest of the mania SUCKS! The insomnia, the not eating, the excessive spending, etc.
>
> Am I wrong to think this? I like being able to produce wonderful work that I am finally happy with!
>
> -Jennifer N.
>
> > Hi Fluffy,
> > Does your name have to do with your bubbly butt? (That might sound really weird to someone just getting into this thread!) Glad you can approach your art so centeredly. Do you make your living doing this? If so, good for you!
> >
> > I felt similarly to K.R. Jamison's description of the 'tortured artist'. I think she was in a full throttle manic swing when she wrote it, or had leaning towards OCD. All those charts and graphs! plus she was in clinical practice full time. It is interesting how so many passionate artist-types are categorized as bipolar. Maybe it had something to do with too much lead in the cookware and pipes back then. Beethoven's hair was analyzed not too long ago and it showed sky high lead levels. He was majorly depressed but obviously had moments of grandeur. But who wouldn't be depressed back then with the cold, heat, grime, rotten teeth and no baths! Yecch.
> >
> > Lithium doesn't damp out the fire at all for me. I've heard that it can do that, i.e., Jamison was taking alot of lithium and said that she eventually compromised with less lithium, less stability, but more creativity. I'm only taking 600mg/day which is below the therapeutic window so maybe more would affect me more adversely.
> > Without it I get frizzled and disordered so whatever it does, it does me good. I considered that I had ADD but stimulants made me feel even more fried.
> >
> > Lithium supposedly makes new neurons and is protective - brain healthy. That may be so, however, it's made my hypothyroid condition worse and I pee alot more. I have to exercise alot just to stay plump. Hopefully jettisoning the nortriptyline will help in that regard. - Barbara
>
>
Posted by Jennifer N. on July 22, 2003, at 8:49:46
In reply to Re: Gosford Park, Li and creativity » Jennifer N., posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 12:37:58
Barbara & Fluffy,
That is wonderful advice! I'm trying to find a way to harness my energy and take control of it in a positive way. I'm going to try the excerise thing...I want to lose a little weight, and I've been wanting to do it anyway. My pdoc upped my Lamictal to 150mg/day, and I'm starting to see a decrease in my mania. She also put me on the Seroquel full-time and upped that to 50mg/day. I feel so tired in the morning, but I'll get over it...one day at a time, right?
I let my husband read my poem the other night, and he truly loved it! I was so shy to let ANYONE read it, especially him! (He's a really good poet!) He said that he was prepared for it to suck and was going to tell me that it was pretty good anyway, but he said he was "amazed" and thought that I could really make a living writing song lyrics (what I really want to do!) What a ego boost that was! Just what I needed to get my ass in gear!
I've also started going back to church, but on my own terms. I go alone, during my lunch to the noon mass, and never feel pressured to go. I'm not ready for Sunday mass, nor will I be for quite some time. But this, I feel, is a great way for me to also harness my energy in a positive way.
I actually had bad news last week, and I was able to deal with it. It was a bit difficult, but I did it without major depression, rage, etc. My doc told me that I have to have surgery on August 7th. WISH ME LUCK EVERYONE!!!!
Thanks again for the advice Barbara & Fluffy!
Posted by jrw on July 22, 2003, at 10:40:30
In reply to Re: Barbara Cat, I need your opinion » tentdweller, posted by Barbara Cat on July 18, 2003, at 1:50:13
BarbaraCat,
That was great...thanks for taking the time to share that with us. A couple of questions came to mind...what dosage of Omega 3 have you found effective? Also, you mentioned you'd left the corporate world, and that you'd since been financially validated for the move. I never liked that world, either, and left, also - though not "under my own power". What did you switch to? It's always so encouraging to hear of the successful efforts of others who struggle with biochemistry...gives one hope.
Thanks,
John
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 22, 2003, at 13:49:39
In reply to Re: Creativity - Barbara Fluffy, posted by Jennifer N. on July 22, 2003, at 8:49:46
Hi Jennifer,
I'm on my way out the door but wanted to get back to you for a short note before I forget. Would you be willing to share your poem with us? We all need some validation that our 'mood disorder' can be a blessing! Later, Barbara
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 22, 2003, at 22:24:30
In reply to Re: Barbara Cat, I need your opinion » Barbara Cat, posted by jrw on July 22, 2003, at 10:40:30
Hi John,
I take 1-2 tablespoons of Dr. Sears pharmaceutical grade fish oil a day. It's very expensive and Carlson's Lemon Cod Liver Oil is just as good and 1/10th the cost. Liquid is necessary at those doses so be sure to get the lemon flavored. Another thing that's been helping is L-tyrosine, 500mg once or twice a day. It's a precursor to norepinephrine and I feel it's helping alot with mood lifting, but not being speedy. Vitamin B6 helps to catalyze the conversion so it's good to take it with.I haven't switched to anything else from my corporate daze, not yet. If I'd just stayed in a nice little company doing programming which I enjoyed I'd still be doing it, but I Peter Principled into project management working 50-60 hrs a week for nasty companies whose products I didn't give a rip about. Project Mgmt is probably the worst job I could imagine for myself (I originally thought I was going to be a musician or psychotherapist). I never had the interest, focus or anal-ness to 'succeed' and the pace kept getting worse. Being bipolar does not make for consistency, nit-picky Gantt charts or management presentations. I'd been able to control my mixed states bipolar depressions fairly well, but when I developed severe fibromyalgia and thought I could still push though, my body said 'Nope!'. I started crying in meetings, not meeting deadlines (deadlines, there's a word), and had to stop before being 'let go' (hell, it's being fired). I applied for disability and after 2 years of financial terror, and my husband also being out of work the whole time, it looks like my case was approved. I'm not certain yet but my attorney is. So that will be a relief and will let me start focusing on something different, healthier and more fulfilling.
My plan is to go back to school this Fall in Nutritional Therapy which is something I'm interested in and want to do for myself. At 52 it's pretty scary but I've learned the hard way that I can't do what I just can't do. There has been another gift as well, but of great sorrow to me. My mother was hit by a car while out walking last December and died 5 days later. The loss of her is not worth the estate she left, but even so, her generosity and love continues on and I know that's how she wants me to see her gift to me.
So strange and heartbreaking is this life. Even when we know that there's really only our inner truth and the great intangibles, things always seems to get brought down to money and security - and in this life there IS NO security. It can all evaporate in a minute. If it weren't for these blessings given to me when I didn't trust in any blessings, I don't know where I'd be. It was getting too close to the terror we all seem to have - being a very sick person with no home, no money, no hope. But I'm slowly coming to hope that there is a benevolence in this universe. I just wish it didn't have to take money to calm me down enough to see it.
Tell me about your corporate experience and how you've managed since getting out. I talk to my friends still in that world and, whew, poor people. I'm glad I'm out. - Barbara
> That was great...thanks for taking the time to share that with us. A couple of questions came to mind...what dosage of Omega 3 have you found effective? Also, you mentioned you'd left the corporate world, and that you'd since been financially validated for the move. I never liked that world, either, and left, also - though not "under my own power". What did you switch to? It's always so encouraging to hear of the successful efforts of others who struggle with biochemistry...gives one hope.
>
> Thanks,
>
> John
Posted by fluffy on July 23, 2003, at 12:48:26
In reply to Re: Barbara Cat, I need your opinion » jrw, posted by Barbara Cat on July 22, 2003, at 22:24:30
Wow Barbara--
Sounds like you've had a difficult run lately. If you can manage to be optomistic, then HELL--I sure can! Sometimes I get really self absorbed. I feel like a total whiner--WAhh-my meds aren't working, etc. But even if they aren't, my job is one that allows me to be unstable at times. I work in a specialty bookstore, and my co-worker is really laid back and understanding. I'm really sorry about your work/financial situation. But it sounds like the nutritionist thing would be really great. My boyfriend's mother is Bipolar, and she's done really well managing her own business--taking at the pace she can. She's a massage therapist. There's room for all temperments in this world. Leave the corporate slavery to those other so-called stable work horses!
I can relate to your crying at work. Man--the last episode I had, I cried until a customer came in. I'd suck it in, and then start crying when they left. I couldn't say anything to anyone without crying my eyes out. Pretty embarassing.
Thanks for your story Barb-cat!
Jennifer--poetry corner!! (snapping in circles)
Don't be shy!Katy
Posted by Dali on July 23, 2003, at 13:34:46
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - mood stabilisers » BarbaraCat, posted by polarbear206 on April 16, 2002, at 9:19:44
i just started taking lamictal today
i've suffered from bipolar (also ADD) since i can remember (i'm 21) i would ask for anybody else with info. on bipolar and lamictal for advice.-- i've taken everything except for lithium. eg. depakote, topamax, paxil, wellbutrin, neurontin etc etc) i really struggle with taking my meds and feeling like they hinder my creativity/ intellect/ spirit everything- there is also an issue with the ADD i have to take the stimulants to be productive (focalin right now) so i take them in conjunction ]- i've been through three colleges in 3 years and one looney bin-- used every illicit drug [coke, weed, malli, various recreational Rx's (xanax, vaium, codiene) and alcohol has been a constant friend] my moods are uncontrollable-- hour to hour/ day to day/ week to week-- i'm now starting to get scared about my life and its lack of direction... so i'm starting to take getting my life in order a bit more seriously (like i've never said that before)--- i'm a bit manic right now-- i've forgotten the point of my "psycho-babble"-- guess i'm just asking for support from somebody telling me how much better a controlled (read medicated) life is.... telling me that you're still smarter than all your friends and just as creative... with a life that is not collapsing around you, to boot.
also when hypomanic do you do stuff you don't remember, (such as ordering concert tickets, and forgetting that you did until they show up in the mail 4 days before the concert, you ordered the ticks a month and a half ago,) i do this a lot. my pdoc says this isn't a frequent report... ??
OH! almost forgot-- i totally relate to the pms coment of lady above-- i was so glad to read that.... i go completely nuts every month around my period--- whether that means becoming totally depressed and not leaving my couch or going out on the town all night/week longthanx for reading and responding
loves
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 23, 2003, at 16:33:32
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - moodstabl-- lamictal, posted by Dali on July 23, 2003, at 13:34:46
Hi Dali. Welcome. All of us Bipolars struggle with balancing the bliss of hypomanic creativity against the frazzled disorganization, not the mention the paralysis of depression. If you haven't read the beginning of this thread then take a look at it. It's mainly been about this whole subject (see the 'Gosford Park' series). Most of us who have been there agree that taking the right meds haven't hurt our creativity at all. We have focus and energy to finish our projects and don't get lost in the distractions. The trick is to ride the edge a little, that is, don't overmedicate or you will feel numb.
I've had a very wild ride with my mixed states bipolar condition and was on SSRI's for years thinking it was major depression that wasn't resolving. Only since I've been on lithium and lamictal have I had any relief. I'm finally putting some creative dreams into reality instead of starting off like a rocket and then fizzling. I feel hope instead of despair for the future, even if we are governed by idiots. I still have wonderfully rapturous cosmic visions and insights. They may not be quite as psychedelic as they used to be but I least now I can remember them. I don't do nearly as many foolish and dangerous things but can pick my deliriums more wisely. Lithium has been a lifesaver for me, even though I'm well below the therapeutic window. Lamictal is the PERFECT partner for lithium and they seem to increase each other's effect. I personally could not do lamictal alone and need lithium for the calm center it provides.
Yes, forgetting stuff and feeling like you're in a ping-pong machine is faily common. It's not all the time so I don't think it's ADD but it sure can look like it. I get real frustrated with myself when I'm in the grip of it. Everything distracts me and I feel like a complete airhead which I'm not. I could be on my way to the bathroom to stock the t.p. and get sidetracked a dozen times, eventually remembering where I was headed but now the toilet paper has disappeared. I usually find it under the sink or in the freezer or, or... I also get kinda spastic, dropping things, setting things on top of stuff so that everything falls and makes more of a mess. I can't remember what others have told me like dates, facts, important info although I recall having a lively discussion at the time. I have to remember to BREATHE slowly during these times cause I'm usually holding my breath and that makes for more anxiety. So, welcome to the club and be thankful that God gave us DRUGS. - Barbara
Posted by McPac on July 23, 2003, at 23:29:46
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - moodstabl-- lamictal » Dali, posted by Barbara Cat on July 23, 2003, at 16:33:32
It would seem that the mood stabilizers would be the main type of med to combat dysphoria, correct?
If so, that might explain why I've been having the terrible pissed-off temperment that I've been having for awhile now...I've only been taking 300/mg of lithium a day for quite some time now...might have to bump that up and see if that feeling diminishes. Thanks for any responses!
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 24, 2003, at 1:32:38
In reply to What's the best type of drug for dysphoria?, posted by McPac on July 23, 2003, at 23:29:46
Yeah, try it, doubt if you're getting much of anything on 300mg. Going from 300 to 600mg worked for me. I could probably go even higher than 600 but I'm trying to skirt around the rim of hypomania so I don't get blah. You might try some righteous blow-off-steam exercise too. No amount of meds are going to move stuck energy.
> It would seem that the mood stabilizers would be the main type of med to combat dysphoria, correct?
> If so, that might explain why I've been having the terrible pissed-off temperment that I've been having for awhile now...I've only been taking 300/mg of lithium a day for quite some time now...might have to bump that up and see if that feeling diminishes. Thanks for any responses!
Posted by Jennifer N. on July 24, 2003, at 11:01:59
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - moodstabl-- lamictal, posted by Dali on July 23, 2003, at 13:34:46
Dali,
I was also recently put on Lamictal. I've been on it for about 5 weeks, and I have seen a great improvement in my depression. My mania has been worse, but that will happen until you can get to the right level. How much are you on right now? My doc said that this can happen when you're on 50-100mg/day. To curb this and to help with my sleeping, she has put me on 50mg/day of Seroquel. This has definately helped with my mania. I just increased my dosage today from 100mg/day to 150mg/day. I've heard a lot of people have had success from taking Lamictal and Lithium at the same time. I can't take Lithium for health reasons. This might be something to ask you're doc.
As for you're drinking, drugs, etc, this is definately something that you don't want to be doing while you're on these meds. It can cause side effects, meds not to work, and most inportantly, damage your kidneys, liver, etc. Maybe a rehab might be something that you could benefit from, and the support that you could receive there would probably help you a lot. Of course, those of us who visit this web-site could also help, but sometimes we just need to able to call someone, or simply go out for coffee.
Find things that inspire you. Find a hobbie or activity that might help you channel some of the energy from your mania into something positive, productive and good for you. Exercise is always a great thing for mania, and just plain feeling good.
If you have anymore questions, or just want to talk, feel free to post another message. I hope that I've helped!
-Jennifer
> i just started taking lamictal today
> i've suffered from bipolar (also ADD) since i can remember (i'm 21) i would ask for anybody else with info. on bipolar and lamictal for advice.-- i've taken everything except for lithium. eg. depakote, topamax, paxil, wellbutrin, neurontin etc etc) i really struggle with taking my meds and feeling like they hinder my creativity/ intellect/ spirit everything- there is also an issue with the ADD i have to take the stimulants to be productive (focalin right now) so i take them in conjunction ]- i've been through three colleges in 3 years and one looney bin-- used every illicit drug [coke, weed, malli, various recreational Rx's (xanax, vaium, codiene) and alcohol has been a constant friend] my moods are uncontrollable-- hour to hour/ day to day/ week to week-- i'm now starting to get scared about my life and its lack of direction... so i'm starting to take getting my life in order a bit more seriously (like i've never said that before)--- i'm a bit manic right now-- i've forgotten the point of my "psycho-babble"-- guess i'm just asking for support from somebody telling me how much better a controlled (read medicated) life is.... telling me that you're still smarter than all your friends and just as creative... with a life that is not collapsing around you, to boot.
> also when hypomanic do you do stuff you don't remember, (such as ordering concert tickets, and forgetting that you did until they show up in the mail 4 days before the concert, you ordered the ticks a month and a half ago,) i do this a lot. my pdoc says this isn't a frequent report... ??
> OH! almost forgot-- i totally relate to the pms coment of lady above-- i was so glad to read that.... i go completely nuts every month around my period--- whether that means becoming totally depressed and not leaving my couch or going out on the town all night/week long
>
> thanx for reading and responding
> loves
Posted by mbluett on July 24, 2003, at 11:36:50
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - moodstabl-- lamictal, posted by Dali on July 23, 2003, at 13:34:46
Hi there,
I just wanted to give you some positive thoughts on your situation. I am a 28 year old male with BP II. I have also used and abused just about every substance on this planet. I have finally settled with Lamictal as my No.1 pharm. I also take Lexapro for the depression. I used to use Effexor, but the benefits outweighed the side effects. Lamictal keeps me stable and has a very positive effect on me cognitively. I can now focus on tasks and my memory has improved. I have also had a very unsettled life until 2 years ago when I found the right medical help and medication. I fully understand your concern about the 'self' part that you mention (creativity/intellect/spirituality). It seems a contradiction in terms of personal evolution that we should need medication to progress or to live a 'normal' life. I have discontinued and restarted medications many times because of this internal turmoil. I have finally come to realise that life changing decisions and personal progress are best made from a stable mind. If medication provides that stability, so be it! I would encourage you continue with the Lamictal. It is a very good mood stabiliser and anti-depressant. I believe that once it starts working for you, you will be able to drop the Focalin. Once last thing. Stability came as a shock to me, as if I still craved the highs of mania! I hope this helps.
Love and peace.
Posted by Barbara Cat on July 24, 2003, at 11:52:14
In reply to Re: Mild Bipolar - moodstabl-- lamictal, posted by mbluett on July 24, 2003, at 11:36:50
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