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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by scribble on March 17, 2005, at 19:04:27
i don't know what is wrong. i feel trapped within a person that will never be able to communicate their despair to anyone. when i am alone i feel either almost paralysed or when i can do stuff it only amounts to aimless pacing around my apartment and everything i try to do fails and makes a bigger mess of things. i have brief outbursts of anger for no reason. focus and concentration are impossible. reading is extremely difficult because i either forget what i read, read everything wrong or just give up. i can't think clearly about anything. even writing this message is extremely difficult and i cant right anything properly. i stick meaningless sentences evrywhere. i can't appreciate anything i used to beyond a useless superficial level. i can't stop thinking about a relationship that ended more than 3 years ago. i'm almost 21 and i still haven't finished high school. i now sporadically attend an adult high school. my GP put me on disability, and i even perform very poorly at my volunteer job. i look disgusting and i'm starting to age very quickly. i don't care about anyone and have zero empathy. when i'm with people they become like an anaestheic to me, and i'm never able to properly reveal my desperation to anyone. i can't think properly or clearly about anything. i always embarass myself and act like someone else. i can't ever find words that really feel like they are mine. i don't know what to do other than die if i could, but i never do. ive tried so many anti-depressants, and none of them have worked. i'm now on desipramine... and i don't know what it's doing other than keep me awake and it used to make it easier to cry. i am on 300mg and even when i go higher it doesn't help... honestly it just does what it did several several months ago at 50mg but with dry mouth. my doctor doesn't prescribe much other than what i have already tried. other than some anti-psychotics, but i feel mentally impaired enough already. stimulants usually do nothing, and if they do it causes anger or anxiety. i need to do something. i have small doses of risperdal, dexedrine, and seroquel lying around. some celexa, luvox, effexor, trazodone, and even some parnate. is there anything i can do with these? the ssris scare me because they give me what i think are extrapyramidal symptoms but it rarely seems like anyone believes me. i guess id be willing to try the low dose anti-psychotics if i had any reason to really think they would help. i remember reading someone say that something to do with their action on some seratonin receptor actually improved dopamine function in people and without anxiety?? they still sort of scare me but id be willing to try anything i have in this apartment. i'm sorry for the long post but if there is any advice anyone could give i would be very appreciative. thankyou.
Posted by xjs7 on March 17, 2005, at 20:36:02
In reply to please help., posted by scribble on March 17, 2005, at 19:04:27
What is your diagnosis? You say your GP put you on disability--do you have a medical illness? Maybe you could combine a stimulant with a benzodiazepine. This might counteract the anxiety caused by the stimulant. I have had much success with benzos. Just a thought. Hope you feel better soon.
XJS7
Posted by scribble on March 18, 2005, at 1:43:10
In reply to Re: please help., posted by xjs7 on March 17, 2005, at 20:36:02
i've had scattered diagnoses. i don't even remember them all very well. add, asperger's, borderline traits, depression, dysthymia. i don't remember any medication really helping. maybe stimulants sometimes.
Posted by PM80 on March 18, 2005, at 7:11:32
In reply to please help., posted by scribble on March 17, 2005, at 19:04:27
Hi. It sounds like you are in a very scary place, but are having problems even feeling scared about it. I can relate. I live alone in an apartment and all the empty space is often deafening in its silence. The only noise is what I make. There is no one to just talk to about my day or to chat with about the stupid things. I definitely went through a time that many things felt surreal and I would do almost anything to feel - even if it was a horribly painful feeling. So you are not alone. Keep posting here when you need encouragement. Everyone here can take anything you say. The words you write ARE yours. You are alive - that's a fact, not an opinion.
I don't know if i can really help you with medication ideas since I have only been on 3 psycho drugs in my life. Right now I'm on Seroquel and Depakote. I probably would not recommend the Seroquel for you. I used to take only Seroquel, and I had a lot of low feelings and would wake up feeling sad a lot. But it can definitely help you sleep. I've just recently been put on Depakote and it seems to help me with the down, heavy feelings. I have not woken up sad since I started taking it. Maybe you could ask your doctor about it. I would strongly recommend therapy of some sort. It has definitely made a difference for me. Your doctor may be able to help you find a support group or volunteer counselor if money is an issue for you. Seriously though, good therapy WILL make you feel better. Just talking to someone who is focused on you and does not need you to just react in any "correct" or socially expected way can be uplifting.
Posted by Jake E on March 24, 2005, at 14:17:32
In reply to please help., posted by scribble on March 17, 2005, at 19:04:27
> i don't know what is wrong. i feel trapped within a person that will never be able to communicate their despair to anyone. when i am alone i feel either almost paralysed or when i can do stuff it only amounts to aimless pacing around my apartment and everything i try to do fails and makes a bigger mess of things. i have brief outbursts of anger for no reason. focus and concentration are impossible. reading is extremely difficult because i either forget what i read, read everything wrong or just give up. i can't think clearly about anything. even writing this message is extremely difficult and i cant right anything properly. i stick meaningless sentences evrywhere. i can't appreciate anything i used to beyond a useless superficial level. i can't stop thinking about a relationship that ended more than 3 years ago. i'm almost 21 and i still haven't finished high school. i now sporadically attend an adult high school. my GP put me on disability, and i even perform very poorly at my volunteer job. i look disgusting and i'm starting to age very quickly. i don't care about anyone and have zero empathy. when i'm with people they become like an anaestheic to me, and i'm never able to properly reveal my desperation to anyone. i can't think properly or clearly about anything. i always embarass myself and act like someone else. i can't ever find words that really feel like they are mine. i don't know what to do other than die if i could, but i never do. ive tried so many anti-depressants, and none of them have worked. i'm now on desipramine... and i don't know what it's doing other than keep me awake and it used to make it easier to cry. i am on 300mg and even when i go higher it doesn't help... honestly it just does what it did several several months ago at 50mg but with dry mouth. my doctor doesn't prescribe much other than what i have already tried. other than some anti-psychotics, but i feel mentally impaired enough already. stimulants usually do nothing, and if they do it causes anger or anxiety. i need to do something. i have small doses of risperdal, dexedrine, and seroquel lying around. some celexa, luvox, effexor, trazodone, and even some parnate. is there anything i can do with these? the ssris scare me because they give me what i think are extrapyramidal symptoms but it rarely seems like anyone believes me. i guess id be willing to try the low dose anti-psychotics if i had any reason to really think they would help. i remember reading someone say that something to do with their action on some seratonin receptor actually improved dopamine function in people and without anxiety?? they still sort of scare me but id be willing to try anything i have in this apartment. i'm sorry for the long post but if there is any advice anyone could give i would be very appreciative. thankyou.
I totally sympathize with your situation, brother. The fact that you are still alive and trying is a testament of your fortitude and courage. Just stay alive, man, don't let dispair consume and destroy you. Just living through this trial, in my opinion, makes you a hero. Never forget this.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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