![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:02:04
I think I am just now really grasping that quite possibly, I REALLY do have a mental illness.
I was hoping all this year it would just go away on it's own (whatever the heck it is).
I have tried to pray myself better, pretend myself better, medicate myself better, etc.. has not worked.
I believed anxiety was my main symptom- Klonopin took care of that and now I am struggling (once again) with that dark, deep, hole/pit depression that makes you feel as if someone robbed your soul/spirit in the night and just left you an empty shell.
I try SOOOO hard to be well; I have a husband, two kids', one of them is autistic- I CAN NOT afford to not "be well."But no matter how hard I try- no matter how many books I read, how many supplements I take, how much I walk on the treadmill, I am still HERE.
Quite frankly, I'm just tired of pretending. I'm not okay.
I might have to see a psych.
Posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:05:35
In reply to I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:02:04
And I already feel guilty for even admitting all this.
I feel so guilty for feeling this way- I have so much to be thankful for.
It's hard to see it though when you feel like a black blanket has been thrown over your face and is smothering you.
*sigh*
Ps. Could I have SAD? It's dark up here.
Posted by willyee on November 28, 2005, at 19:37:04
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:05:35
Im there there with ya,i get frustrated when i see workout and excerisise,sometimes it is as if people assume depressed people are fat lazy and laying in bed all day,i workout hard and have for over a decade,yourself im sure aside from the threadmill ur children keep u quite active,it just doesent wanna fade,like a demon riding ur back
Posted by Phillipa on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:42
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused., posted by willyee on November 28, 2005, at 19:37:04
Spriggy it's the same time of the year. Maybe it is SAD? You mean you have never seen a pdoc? They don't know everything. And as I know you know meds don't always work. Do the hoidays get you down? They do me. Make you feel guilty for not being who you think you should be. You are a gem! Love your frien, Phillipa
Posted by med_empowered on November 29, 2005, at 2:21:45
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused., posted by Phillipa on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:42
hi! OK, first off...dont beat yourself up. Feeling sad/being depressed isn't a mental illness, in my book; really, its part of the human experience. If it gets too bad, some form of assistance (medication, therapy, counselling, etc.) might be in order but..the more you look at what you are experiencing as *bad* and somehow a sort of *mental illness* the worse you will feel. And try not to feel guilty about not being 100% all the time, etc. You sound like an awesome person--this includes being an awesome mother, wife, and all around human being. Whatever it is you're dealing with, you'll have your strong family to help you out with it.
With medication...I really dont know what to tell you. I think maybe we experience the same sort of deep, dark misery underneath anxiety. I had a brief "fit" of that today--it was bad, but then talking to my friends and calling a couple people I haven't seen in a while made it a whole lot better. I kind of think I've benefited from self-help and creative writing in my spare time in dealing with this; before you opt to go the medication route, you might want to consider something similar, or talk therapy or something (these could also be combined with medication, of course). Switching your benzo might help...your klonopin dose seems really low, but it could be making this problem worse..maybe a switch to ativan would help? But I dont think its essential.
Bottom line: what you are experiencing SUCKS--but its normal. People get miserable, and its great that you realize this and are acting to change it (remember the old saying "most people lead lives of quiet desperation" ? NOT YOU). I sometimes find that its better to allow myself to feel what I'm feeling without judging it or classifying it..just let it go, without any sort of attachment to the emotion(s) or any value judgements placed on them. I'm not perfect at this--in fact, I'm not even *good* at this-- but it really has helped me tremendously. Its like...you can uncover this inner source of calm, peace, strength and tranquility that I *thought* might exist, but had never before really experienced. Good luck!
Posted by arina on November 29, 2005, at 4:27:42
In reply to I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:02:04
Hi spriggy im newish to the site and to computors so I hope im doing all this right,anyway, I know how it does feel to try to keep it all together for children(I have 5) and people in general.Its hard and every day can be so hard to face.If your anything like me you probably carry on like on auto pilot in a numb sorta way waiting for something to change,(like for someone to take the kids for a week or a new place or a different attitude from someone close,or a cure for something else) I guess without us realizing it we SOMEWHERE in us have the ability to save ourselves. I didnt know wat the hell was wrong with me,but I know now,and thats cool im glad I searched and found out.(Only prob for me is I cant take no drugs cause im feeding my baby so I have to wait which is getting real hard and he wont drink from a bottle NO WAY he hates it.Things allways come up too like grief or seperation from someone close is a killer.Its all losses hurts lonliness emptyness and unfullfilled needs, as well as hormones and everything else and it really sucks what us humans have to endure.Your not alone let me know how you go.Hope you feel better soon.Arina
Posted by Mistermindmasta on November 29, 2005, at 12:34:34
In reply to I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:02:04
Maybe the klonopin is contributing towards your anxiety...
I don't know what meds you have and haven't tried but maybe an antidepressant med would be better for your anxiety.
What are you symptoms of your anxiety? Is it mainly emotional? Like feelings of fear? Or is it more physical... like heart palpitations, stuff like that.
Posted by spriggy on November 29, 2005, at 13:06:37
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused., posted by Mistermindmasta on November 29, 2005, at 12:34:34
My anxiety feels more in my "head"- I feel like my mind is racing out of control.. can't slow down my thoughts. I feel like i'm on speed- but also in a very strange/ironic twist, I will also feel like I'm not "real" or like I'm disappearing.
It's weird- it's kind of like being wired and tired- only I'm anxious and feel like I'm in a daze.
I do get literal "butterflies" in either my stomach or my chest/ I feel like there's something inside jumping up and down inside of me!
Posted by DanielJ on November 29, 2005, at 13:14:09
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused. » Mistermindmasta, posted by spriggy on November 29, 2005, at 13:06:37
Hi Spriggy, If you do decide to see a psychiatrist, pick a good one. Often a local mental Illness support group is the way to locate
a Pdoc. Using the phone book is a real pot luck situation. Don't be in a rush, and if you don't "click" with the first Pdoc, find another one. Good Luck!
Posted by Larry Hoover on November 29, 2005, at 13:53:30
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:05:35
> Ps. Could I have SAD? It's dark up here.Sure, it could. You should be getting the light box this week, right? Treat the symptoms, as best you can. Your intuition is telling you something.
Lar
Posted by rjlockhart on November 29, 2005, at 17:32:15
In reply to I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:02:04
This could be symtoms of Post Tramatic Stress Disorder, which includes Dissociation, feeling unreal, [depersonalization] numbess, Derealization - feel what is seeing is not real, i used think i was in a simulation, feeling going crazy. Which i have had to go to a therapist to stop, i was so afraid it was too much, i was going to have another personality emerge to deal with it.
Other branches are panic attacks, anxiety, feeling going insane.
Belive me i know what it feels like going insane.
I dont want to talk about it much anymore becuase i rerember it.
I went to a mental hostpital and said i am going insane do something. They said i had symtoms of severe anxiety with hypomania. I disagreed but liked the fact i wasnt going to be locked up.
Anyways, psychodynamic therpy is useful, you can see them over years.
I gotta go.
Matt
Posted by spriggy on November 29, 2005, at 18:08:52
In reply to Re: I am SOOO confused., posted by rjlockhart on November 29, 2005, at 17:32:15
First of all, thank you to everyone- for listening and responding (and not judging). it's such a relief to have this place where people understand the depths of despair without trying to tell you to "just snap out of it!"
If only it were that easy...
Anyway, yes Larry, I got my lightbox today. I have it on right now. I'll start out with 15 minutes and see how that goes.
I don't know if this is a good brand or not, it's : www.mygolite.com
We shall see!
Oh by the way, had horrific anxiety wake me up at 4 a.m. So I took a half of a Xanex for the first time in nearly a year!
It sure helped- and I have felt much calmer all day.:)
Posted by peacetoy on November 30, 2005, at 8:33:11
In reply to I am SOOO confused., posted by spriggy on November 28, 2005, at 18:02:04
I really sympathise with how you feel. My mind has not been my friend for over a year now. A lot of the time I feel very anxious, and sometimes quite unreal and not human. It's as if I haven't been invited to the party that everyone else is at.
And I try SO hard to get well, I want so much to be rid of these horrid thoughts and feelings. I've been on about 10 different meds in various combos over the past year, I've taken mega doses of Omega 3s, I've been to a therapist, I've meditated when I'm able, I exercise....but nothing seems to banish the horrid things going on in my head. I've stayed at work during most of that time (had 2 1/2 months off sick), but I'm only just functioning, I'm not enjoying anything.
But we've got to keep trying, there isn't really an option. My next thing to try is testosterone supplementation, as I have low-normal levels, and very low for my age.
Good luck with the lightbox!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.