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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tepi on November 14, 2007, at 23:13:06
This is enoguh for me . 27 years odl , 12 year
sick , bearing this who knows what it isIm taking a serious decision now , I belive this
is the moment.No more, Iīll get used to my life. No sir
This is not life , I dont ask anybody to be
alive . Im going nowhere with my life , no
living , enjoying nothing , always alone .
I just had enoughok , I always said , that I have bear all this
because of my parents . Because I see how much they suffer from me
Well , I think this is a good moment to take
the decisition .
My oldbrother is getting a child in March ,
first time my parent are gouing to have a grandson.it is time to do it . They will get better
once they become grandfathers for the first time
It will be like my "replacement". They will be
very happy with this new kid and that will help
them to forget about me in some wayI am thinking this is the moment , what could
be better than a grandson for them. It will be
the only chance for me and this kid could help
them to pass through my dead in an easy wayJust thinking .. and very strong
Posted by Epiphanie on November 14, 2007, at 23:21:33
In reply to Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 14, 2007, at 23:13:06
No one can replace you.
I can guarantee if you do something your parents will be completely ripped apart with grief and blame THEMSELVES for it because they are your parents and will feel responsible.
The joy they would have felt with a new child will be overshadowed by a funeral and the death of their child. How is that okay? It's not.
Listen to me, you are unique and no one can replace you. We, all of us in this forum have sunk to the place you are. I know you feel hopeless but we are here for you.
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2007, at 0:29:41
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by Epiphanie on November 14, 2007, at 23:21:33
Tepi my sweetest no. We all care so much about you and will always be here for you. I know how you feel I hide my feelings but I can't do this to the ones that care. Nor can you. Your parents love and care about you too. Please I beg you to seek help. Please from the bottom of my heart!!!!!Love Jan/Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2007, at 0:31:03
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2007, at 0:29:41
Trigger phillipa
Posted by yxibow on November 15, 2007, at 1:00:16
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by Epiphanie on November 14, 2007, at 23:21:33
I have ideations constantly and have sunk to my lowest point but it certainly isn't the wisest idea especially while you have living parents.
Life comes with no guarantees, something I still find hard to face. Biochemical imbalances are something that have to be fought harder than others, its not easy. Neither is MS or any other serious disorder.
I'll just say my therapist's comment that people who are suicidal just want to escape their problems.
I can't escape a facial tic, and Seroquel doesn't do what it did for me but I'm functional more than I was several months ago. I've been fighting a visual somatiform (if the diagnosis and psychological testing are complete) disorder for 6 years. There's no magic cure for it and so far I'm the only one in North America with it. I may eventually choose Clozaril but that's another story.
Functionality is better than the alternative.
I believe you reside in Mexico, but I'm not sure. NAMI has a partner in Voz Pro Salud Mental (Mexico)
http://www.vozprosaludmental.org.mx/portal/
Posted by Mathia on November 15, 2007, at 1:19:35
In reply to Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 14, 2007, at 23:13:06
Sorry this is such a long post. Ive thought alot of times in my life that dying would be alot easier than the crap I was going through in my life and in my head.
The agony of the depression, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness, grieving for those I miss, the feeling of being told by someone I was in love with that they didnt love me anymore and that it was over, the sadness that comes with watching someone you love (my mother) die in front of me with nothing I could do, and the worst part of watching my mom die was thinking of the pain she is going through, and even to this day, I still think about that (those that have dealt with this also can understand, that feeling of just being so desperate and knowing that this person they love is so undeserving of this).
The feeling of being a loser, an unsucessful person who has no life, no decent job, no wife, no kids. The feeling of not fitting in with the rest of society, not being a person who is all about making money and thats the way it is or get out. The feeling of trying and trying and trying and whatever it is, it just doesnt change. The feeling of, when you actually have a half decent day, that we are gonna die someday and there is nothing you can do about it.
These feelings, continue on and on and never change.
One day a good friend said to me "Matt, you have 2 choices, you can die or you can live. If you die your never gonna have any of those feelings again. If you choose to live, you will wake up tommorrow and still have all those hard things your going through, and those feelings of depression and anger, and sadness, and hoplesness. But you can look at it differently, you can chose life, and you can chose that all those tough things, are actually wonderful, unbeliveable, little pieces of a miracle. That time, when your standing in line and the cashier is taking forever, instead of thinking how pissed you are at her and everyone else, you can step back and realize this is the only moment in the whole of mankind that right then and there you are miraculously alive and breathing and getting this incredible chance to experience this anger." IT TRULY IS AMAZING.
After that day I truly started appreciating the depression, the anger, I stopped taking for granted, my life. I started appreciating every little part of it, when I have a day that is going well I love it even more. This is your life dont let it be stolen away from yourself by yourself.Remember, that if you chose to live, your parents, and your brothers new kid and the rest of your family will benefit from the fact that you can help them deal with sadness in their own lives. The REASON you are on this earth may be to someday help that kid your brother is having. All the unhappy days of your own life might come down to one moment that he needs you. One my brother and I were at a restaurant and all of a sudden his 6 year old daughter started choking, my brother went into a sort of daze, like he couldnt believe this was happening, he froze. I grabbed her and did the heimlech on her and she started breathing again after about 2 minutes of nothing.
I dont brag but had I not been there who knows, shes now 19 but every now and then we think back and he just hugs me.
Well all I can say now is
DONT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Sigismund on November 15, 2007, at 1:28:25
In reply to Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 14, 2007, at 23:13:06
Well Tep, it will be your decision.
I'm sure you've had enough, more than enough.
But if you should go, I want you to know *before* you go, that it has been a pleasure knowing you.
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on November 15, 2007, at 2:33:08
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by Mathia on November 15, 2007, at 1:19:35
Mathia: You are amazing. Everyone on this board should be required to read your story, your post.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 15, 2007, at 7:09:09
In reply to You wrote one of All-Time BEST POSTS on PBabble ŧ Mathia, posted by UgottaHaveHope on November 15, 2007, at 2:33:08
Posted by rskontos on November 15, 2007, at 12:01:16
In reply to I agree!! (nm) ŧ UgottaHaveHope, posted by ClearSkies on November 15, 2007, at 7:09:09
Tepi, I am a parent of two and I can say that if one of mine ended their lives I would never be the same. It would rip my heart in two and I would life a half life from then on. I would ask myself what did I do wrong. I would go over and over every instance to try and pinpoint the exact instance of failure on my part. And this my friend is what your parents will do. Because no one will ever replace a child in a parents heart of hearts. YOu are you to them in their hearts you hold a place that that precious grandchild can't replace. You are irreplaceable to them. Nothing or no one can ever replace my son or daughter. Not my husband not my parents and not any future grandchild however precious they will be.. So my friend you can't expect that line of thought to excuse or rationalize your plan of action. If you do this and I pray you don't you will do so knowing the consquences of your actions. I believe you have a place, like Mathia posts point out you might be destined to save the life of someone else. The world will be a different place without you. It will be empty of you and that will be a crime. dont do this. Please rethink it. You are so young. You do have something to give whether or not you know it right now. You are only a few years older than my daughter and I shudder to think of the loss of someone with so much life ahead. I understand it is bad. I understand that dark place. But being in that dark place means you have only the lift your head a little a you can only go up since you have sunk to the lowest despair right. You feel like you are rock bottom so with only a little effort you should be able to rise alittle off the bottom. Baby steps and a just a little effort. Please try. The world does need you!!!!! rk
Posted by sdb on November 15, 2007, at 14:49:45
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough ŧ tepi, posted by Sigismund on November 15, 2007, at 1:28:25
Tep,
<I always sleep before some decisions>
Life can be hard, no doubt. I can understand you that there are hard moments. If you're thinking you're a looser there is another one. You're not alone.Me the same, like Sigismund, I want you to know *before* you go, that it has been a pleasure knowing you.
There is somebody thinking of you at this moment on that earth. Don't forget.
yours,
sdb
Posted by Phillipa on November 15, 2007, at 18:35:20
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough }} Tepi, posted by sdb on November 15, 2007, at 14:49:45
Tepi any better today? Phillipa
Posted by Squiggles on November 15, 2007, at 21:12:42
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by Mathia on November 15, 2007, at 1:19:35
That's thoughtful; someone is trying hard
to encourage people here, very hard. It's
really sweet.Squiggles
Posted by tepi on November 15, 2007, at 22:21:24
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough ŧ Mathia, posted by Squiggles on November 15, 2007, at 21:12:42
No guys , Im not well , I apprecciate all your posts , I was hoping just 1 or 2 replies .these were alot and a I read every one of them
I am not trying to have your attetions on me
YOu said pretty good thougths you even also
used inversal psychology just saying "was nice
to meet you" , but this post was not to have the attention of all.You know , I have been in this board more than 7 years ,I believe not sure.I have read a lot of post , some people have died , others have had succes , others are still here.
and this goes on.
This thougt came to my mind because when my grandfather died , a cousin had a child and I spoke with my aunt some days later and told me she felt that God took her dad but send her a grandson
She was sad but at the same time they eyes were shining while talking of his granchild. that is the way I want my parents to think and feel , that is why i think this woild be a good moment and not at any time.
I had 2 attempts in the past when all this started
The first one was critical, but Im still here . I cant denied that sometimes I think I am still here for some reasonsorry but someone posted a link , what was that? ill check it ( i dont rmember the nicks, im very sorry)
so what to do !!?? I dont believe in doctors ,worst they dont handle MAOIS here. maybe a very rare combination of meds can give me a better quality of life, but I have spent years and years and nothing has help me enough.stimulants with MAOIs? I need selfconfidence , happines ,porsocial . friends , be able to talk with anybody , express my ideas with no fear
and this post sucks
I think I am psychotic in this moment, I feel too much anger is inside me.
sorry
Posted by Justherself54 on November 15, 2007, at 23:14:33
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 15, 2007, at 22:21:24
Tepi..I thought I saw in an earlier thread that you were successful in getting Nardil..have you started taking it? I just wanted to let you know that for the first 3 weeks on Nardil I felt horrible..it seemed to make my depression and anxiety worsen big time..then on day 13..boom..I woke up feeling something had changed..energy way up..depression way better..maybe you are experiencing the same start up effects?
I hope it will work for you the same way it seems to be working for me now..hang in there!
Posted by yxibow on November 16, 2007, at 0:19:10
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by Justherself54 on November 15, 2007, at 23:14:33
The fastest way to prevent suicide are antipsychotics or lithium depending on the nature of the illness. It may not be pleasant but I really can't think of the alternative even if I contemplate it at times. Something like Seroquel may be a good choice in the short run.
Posted by Squiggles on November 16, 2007, at 6:06:44
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 15, 2007, at 22:21:24
I think you should believe in doctors,
especially when you are at your wits'
end, you have nothing to lose. Try seeing
a doctor and explaining your condition, that's
my advice to you.Squiggles
Posted by stargazer2 on November 16, 2007, at 8:26:25
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough ŧ Justherself54, posted by yxibow on November 16, 2007, at 0:19:10
Tepi, I really fee bad for what you are going through, many of us can relate. Please take another look at everything you will be missing. The only thought I have is a medication can extricate yourself from your suicidal thoughts...Can you get anything like Seroquel. I took this in a desparate attempt to quiet my thoughts and it worked with one dose of 300 mg. you have to try and get something that can remove you from your way of thinking, whether it be a medication or something else...do you have anyone that can support you through this, even a suicidal hot line would be worth it at this point. Reach out an grab hold onto something with permanence. Please try and hold on and look for something you haven't thought would work, anything...
Stargazer
Posted by cumulative on November 16, 2007, at 15:57:50
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 15, 2007, at 22:21:24
>so what to do !!?? I dont believe in doctors ,worst they dont handle MAOIS here. maybe a very rare combination of meds can give me a better quality of life, but I have spent years and years and nothing has help me enough.
>stimulants with MAOIs? I need selfconfidence , happines ,porsocial . friends , be able to talk with anybody , express my ideas with no fear
Thought of trying trivastal, perhaps with an adjunct alpha-2 agonist? Have you tried tianeptine?
I know you have hopes and dreams. Somewhere out there the right combination of medications is right for you, that will open the world up. Hell, if nothing else worked and no one will try anything new -- why not move? Get out on the road my fellow.
Please be alright.
Posted by Phillipa on November 16, 2007, at 18:34:44
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by cumulative on November 16, 2007, at 15:57:50
Tepi have you talked to Ed????? He will help you. Will e-mail him not although likely asleep. Love Phillipa
Posted by Mathia on November 16, 2007, at 21:47:14
In reply to Re: Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 15, 2007, at 22:21:24
Well I dont know you at all tepi.
And I know, that hearing that alot of us here have felt the way you do, doesnt help much.
I can say, that just reading your posts, shows me that your a person I would hang with anyday.
The world is filled with so many a**holes, so many people that dont think about any kind of feelings at all.
Your a person that FEELS, so right away you have alot more going for you than you realize.
Posted by kaleidoscope on November 18, 2007, at 17:01:58
In reply to Thatīs it , Im done , I got enough, posted by tepi on November 14, 2007, at 23:13:06
Dear Tepi
You must stay hopeful. You are such a lovely person. Email any time Tepi.
Saludos
Posted by Mathia on November 20, 2007, at 0:59:40
In reply to I agree!! (nm) ŧ UgottaHaveHope, posted by ClearSkies on November 15, 2007, at 7:09:09
Thanks so much you guys;I was wondering does anyone actually read any of these posts? LOL (just kidding)
Here's a question, does anyone think that maybe there could be a place in this forum, where if people felt like it, they could give a story of their life? It wouldn't have to be a 10 page long version, but perhaps a summary of a persons life,
experiences, when they became depressed or how long they've been going thru their problems. What has helped, etc. It could be about anything in their life that they have experienced. I just thought that perhaps this might in the end help some people who are going through the same thing as someone else sort of a way to support each other. Maybe someone could run this by Dr. Bob and see what he might think. If everyone thinks it would be a bad idea thats ok too. THANKS again everyone, it is truly a pleasure interacting with such a beautiful group of people.
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 21, 2007, at 1:24:37
In reply to Re: I agree!! PLEASE READ THANKS, posted by Mathia on November 20, 2007, at 0:59:40
> Here's a question, does anyone think that maybe there could be a place in this forum, where if people felt like it, they could give a story of their life? It wouldn't have to be a 10 page long version, but perhaps a summary of a persons life, experiences, when they became depressed or how long they've been going thru their problems. What has helped, etc. It could be about anything in their life that they have experienced. I just thought that perhaps this might in the end help some people who are going through the same thing as someone else sort of a way to support each other. Maybe someone could run this by Dr. Bob and see what he might think.
Some sort of profile has come up before, and it's possible to post (and to link to) one now at Babblechat, see:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061228/msgs/721558.html
I'd also like to redirect further discussion about this there. Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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