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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on November 6, 2012, at 14:39:02
today I had to talk to the insurance company about the stolen car what happened a couple months ago.... the person who stole it hit a police car and was arrested, but he didnt have any money and my parents insurance has to cover it. I talked to then this morning, and had go into detail....someone I live with said I did ok, but went into the other room and ... said i yakked on and has no sense. I don't know why im posting this, but my biggest memory of pain is people saying nice things to me, but then I overhear in the other room of how they really feel...comments of dislike and making fun of me yet its mature way doing it...like grown up ways of doing it....starting the quiet treatment. Its not fun....because im not part of the gossip, I am the gossip they are talking about. The worst feeling of being excuded...It just....doesnt feel good. My skills to like an adult and have a social life and getting into the groove of people, i can't do it. I can fake having good social skills, but it doesnt last long periods...i can go to a party and have charisma and talk vary well....it just takes too much energy to keep doing it over long periods of time. I hide alot because im just so afraid and know that the real person has low interaction in the real world....well that's enough, im talking too much. I just have to vent this, because no one knows...my blogs of life are on babble.
But...moving on my doctor is working with me, but its just not enough because they don't know my story...or if they do its not really validated and ignored sometimes. I've got to learn how to play chess with this....and with my psychologist too....all this stuff about spiritual connetion with God and Lucifer is a attempt to have a force enpower me to not be afraid anymore. All that stuff i've posted on lucifer, he does come in my thoughts and its vary real, the stuff thats heard is accurate with reality...and when he does pop up in these thoughts it totally makes me unafraid, empowerment...its like getting energy from another source. Still...im talking too much...i shouldnt be sharing this because it is totally wack.
i don't know....all i know is i've got to grow out of stupid fear, and do something with my life.
r
Posted by gardenergirl on November 6, 2012, at 18:18:13
In reply to what should i do, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 6, 2012, at 14:39:02
I'm sorry that happened to you. I would feel hurt and upset by overhearing that as well. I guess I would just say that if you got the job done with talking to the insurance company, that's what's important--your "style" or efficiency in doing it is less so.
Hang in there, Matt.
gg
Posted by Meatwood_Flack on November 6, 2012, at 20:43:10
In reply to what should i do, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 6, 2012, at 14:39:02
God/Lucifer, Fear/Empowerment. Two sides of the same coin. The person who talked about you in the other room aired their opinion outside of your presence as a way of empowering themselves, but in a manner dictated by fear and says more about the way they process the world than it does about you; however you might have actually performed during your interview is a moot point, as long as you were honest. Social graces are an area where the balance between fear and empowerment is tricky for most people, even those who aren't aware of it as such. For example, the so called life of the party finds empowerment in attention because he or she fears exclusion or lack of control. In fact, I think you would agree that many such people are more interested in themselves than those with whom they are mingling. The same can be said of those who find social affairs to be a chore. The fear and need for empowerment are in the same place, they are simply expressed differently due to other factors, such as personality. Are certain social skills necessary in order to function in a society of social creatures? Sure, but it is also very easy to put too much pressure on yourself to perform 'as expected,' when the fact is we're all unique in certain ways and, whether by Divine plan or by an indifferent roll of the Universe's dice, that's just how it is. There's a time to roll with the flow and a time to stand firm. For me, personally, I can function well in a group setting, but then I also make sure I have at least an equal amount of solitude. It's just the way I'm wired. I have a sibling who derives energy from being in the midst of the action at all times. I'm not that way and made peace with it long ago. Touching once more on the coin analogy, the Chinese symbol for crisis is the same as that for opportunity. Which one you see will depend on what side of the coin you choose to look at. Instead of focusing on how you perceive fear as ruling your life, flip the coin over and take a look at the sensitive and caring traits you have that allow what you feel to be fear. The most you can do (and can be expected to do) is your best while pushing your comfort zone out just a little at a time. Many times people don't want to push that boundary because 1. Something bad might happen or 2. Someone's toes might get stepped on. But toes will usually heal, even if they break and worst possible outcomes rarely happen...
Posted by brynb on November 6, 2012, at 23:35:14
In reply to what should i do, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 6, 2012, at 14:39:02
Hey rj-
It might help to keep a file/folder/document on your computer of all your postings and blogging. That way it'll be easier to speak to your pdoc and/or therapist regarding all of your experiences and history. At the very least, you're journaling and expressing your feelings.
-b
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