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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 21:31:53
She's ten years old and has the worst temper I have ever seen in any human being.
I don't know what to do.
She frightened me today. She held my cell phone over the railing of my fourth-floor balcony and threatened to drop it if I didn't do what she was commanding me to do. She slams doors, punches walls, throws things, swears at me and I just can't go on anymore. I don't know what to do. Today I was at the point of calling the police and saying, help me I'm afraid of my kid! After she calmed down (and I don't know what to do when she gets like this, should I leave the apartment with my son? she gets in my face and won't let me walk away, you know?) Anyway a half hour later she's fine. She cries in my lap, we talk about it, and it's over. Done. And hour after that, she's sunny again.
What's going on? She's had counselling and her therapist said she's fine she's a lovely girl etc etc... my ex-husband's family had this happen when his sisters were my daughter's age and up into young adulthood. Those girls left home very very young and were in a lot of trouble. I don't want history to repeat. Can this be changed, and how?
Posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 9:38:41
In reply to My Daughter is Frightening Me, posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 21:31:53
The ex- has ADD, of course, his siblings all have it as well. And his mother. M-hm. I have some tendencies as well, although mine are better controlled in the areas his are very weak. Very weak. So of course it was a nightmare being with him, I mean, he has it very severely. But I didn't know what was going on until after we separated... now my daughter is ten and showing so many signs, and my being afraid of her is absolutely the wrong thing. I have to be very strong right now. Very strong.
Posted by AuntieMel on April 15, 2005, at 18:14:36
In reply to My Daughter is Frightening Me, posted by Susan47 on April 14, 2005, at 21:31:53
Mine was the same way. It took me a long (very long) time to realize that fighting back doesn't work. Just be calm and firm and tell her to go somewhere quite 'till she calms down but that you refuse to discuss anything while she's worked up.
And stick to it.
Eventually she'll learn she can't push your buttons and it won't get what she wants.
I bet all her teachers like her, too. Right?
We used to say we had an evil one and a good one, but the evil one only came out at home. It really was like watching the exorcist.
Posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 20:38:01
In reply to Re: My Daughter is Frightening Me » Susan47, posted by AuntieMel on April 15, 2005, at 18:14:36
Very much so, like the Exorcist, and that movie frightened me so much I couldn't watch the whole thing, then for years afterward I envisioned heads turning completely around and green faces and horrible loud voices and vomit .. and evil cackling ... and it's like that, it kind of is, only the real life version of my daughter doing all of that is more unreal, somehow ...
Posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 20:39:01
In reply to Re: My Daughter is Frightening Me » AuntieMel, posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 20:38:01
have no idea what lies beneath ...
Posted by AuntieMel on April 16, 2005, at 16:29:04
In reply to And yes, Mel, her teachers, posted by Susan47 on April 15, 2005, at 20:39:01
Well, then, she is exactly what my darling was like.
Calm is the only thing that works. And refusing to discuss it when the head is spinning. My darling is now - a true darling.
It takes a while and it takes persistance, but it's worth it. You might consider taking out cell phone insurance in the meantime.
Posted by stresser on April 18, 2005, at 16:38:09
In reply to Re: And yes, Mel, her teachers » Susan47, posted by AuntieMel on April 16, 2005, at 16:29:04
Sounds like she is trying to control you. I have one of those, except mine is 17. We are here to help each other, and you are not alone!
Thanks for the help, Mel. -L
Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 15:59:09
In reply to Re: And yes, Mel, her teachers, posted by stresser on April 18, 2005, at 16:38:09
today at the library, looks promising, a friend recommended it "Understanding Girls with AD/HD". I'll see if I can learn something.
Posted by Spriggy on April 19, 2005, at 21:46:03
In reply to Some Reading Material I picked up, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 15:59:09
My 18 year old sister has ADHD. She sounds almost identical to your daughter.
She can be fine one minute and then just EXPLODE like madness. I mean she gets completely and totally illogical and irrational.
She is adopted so I have always wondered about her family history; we know her biological father was in prison when her cocaine addicted mother gave her up. So who know's what kind of damage was done to her poor brain.
Anyway, I wonder if your daughter would benefit from meds or even a diet change? I have read that some parent's swear by changing the diet for ADHD.
I hope you find answers. My son is autistic and it's sooo tough to see your child struggle and not be sure how to help.
I feel your pain. I am there myself.
(((HUGS)))
Posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 21:50:48
In reply to Re: Some Reading Material I picked up, posted by Spriggy on April 19, 2005, at 21:46:03
(((Hugs)) back.. yes, I'm going to talk to her doctor this week. See if I can get her in to see a psychiatrist. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, unfortunately.
Tonight was hell, pure bloody murder. I'm just saying that for emphasis. We fight, her and I, we argue, and I become very rejecting and I can't stand to have her around, and she does the same to me. She's only ten. We're in deep doo-doo if we don't take care of this.. because honestly, days like this I just want to walk away. And not come back.
Posted by Spriggy on April 20, 2005, at 13:52:08
In reply to Re: Some Reading Material I picked up, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 21:50:48
I think maybe I should tell you this so that you know you aren't alone.
No other parent has ever confessed this to me outloud so maybe I'm treading into new (and mucky) waters.. BUT I think it should be said that there are times when you deal with a difficult child (whether it through disability or emotional needs) that you will find yourself almost wishing your child was not there.There was one summer when my son was so bad with his autism, that I could not leave the house with him. He literally would not leave the house for 2 months- when I would try, he would SCREAM and flip out at EVERY sound in the outside world.
I remember crying a whole lot that summer and feeling so frustrated. My whole life began to revolve around my son and this disability. I was worn out, weary, and just flat out angry about it.
Anyway, I said all that to be honest and say, I can remember during that very, very hard time with him, I wished him away.. Not necessarily "dead" but I remember feeling SUCH HORRENDOUS GUILT because I thought things like, " Imagine how my life could be if I had never had him, etc.."
I later realize- now looking back- that was just a very real, human response to the intense stress I was under from caring for him.
It is normal to feel that.
I don't have those feelings anymore but I think it was a part of my process of accepting his disability and the degree it was.
He is 10 and I still change diapers, give him baths, dress him, brush his teeth, and even feed him (with certain foods).
It is NOT an easy task for any mother to endure a challenging child.
Don't feel guilty for wanting to run away. It has crossed my mind at times as well.
I'm just sorry. I know it hurts.
Posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 16:04:13
In reply to Re: Some Reading Material I picked up » Susan47, posted by Spriggy on April 20, 2005, at 13:52:08
Thank you, what you said helps.
Talking about your autistic son's inability to leave the house reminds me of my son, although he's not autistic. He's really sensitive to everything and he doesn't like to go ANYWHERE. It's a battle to get him up in the morning to go to school. He spends the weekend in his pyjamas if you don't have some plan that totally excites him.
Posted by AuntieMel on April 22, 2005, at 15:22:44
In reply to Re: Some Reading Material I picked up, posted by Susan47 on April 19, 2005, at 21:50:48
But it is true - refusing to discuss things when she's upset does work.
I've just spent a very pleasant couple of days with mine and she's coming into town tonight. We're going to do 'girl stuff' (translation - she's going to take me out so I can buy her things)
We haven't had a fight in a long, long time. She's been in some of her snits and tried to start fights, but I won't play that game anymore and it doesn't take long for her to get to discussion volume.
Posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 18:20:27
In reply to Re: I know it's hard to do » Susan47, posted by AuntieMel on April 22, 2005, at 15:22:44
Posted by stresser on April 23, 2005, at 18:37:47
In reply to Re: I know it's hard to do » Susan47, posted by AuntieMel on April 22, 2005, at 15:22:44
Hi everyone!
We went for a shopping trip today to find prom shoes, and didn't have one arguement. The day went very smoothly, and she didn't get anything other than the shoes, and some powder that she really did need. What happend? -L
Posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 23:08:03
In reply to Re: I know it's hard to do, posted by stresser on April 23, 2005, at 18:37:47
A gift from God. A gift from God. :]
Posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 11:57:02
In reply to Re: Some Reading Material I picked up » Susan47, posted by Spriggy on April 20, 2005, at 13:52:08
> I think maybe I should tell you this so that you know you aren't alone.
>
> No other parent has ever confessed this to me outloud so maybe I'm treading into new (and mucky) waters.. BUT I think it should be said that there are times when you deal with a difficult child (whether it through disability or emotional needs) that you will find yourself almost wishing your child was not there.
>
> There was one summer when my son was so bad with his autism, that I could not leave the house with him. He literally would not leave the house for 2 months- when I would try, he would SCREAM and flip out at EVERY sound in the outside world.
>
> I remember crying a whole lot that summer and feeling so frustrated. My whole life began to revolve around my son and this disability. I was worn out, weary, and just flat out angry about it.
>
> Anyway, I said all that to be honest and say, I can remember during that very, very hard time with him, I wished him away.. Not necessarily "dead" but I remember feeling SUCH HORRENDOUS GUILT because I thought things like, " Imagine how my life could be if I had never had him, etc.."
>
> I later realize- now looking back- that was just a very real, human response to the intense stress I was under from caring for him.
>
> It is normal to feel that.
>
> I don't have those feelings anymore but I think it was a part of my process of accepting his disability and the degree it was.
>
> He is 10 and I still change diapers, give him baths, dress him, brush his teeth, and even feed him (with certain foods).
>
> It is NOT an easy task for any mother to endure a challenging child.
>
> Don't feel guilty for wanting to run away. It has crossed my mind at times as well.
>
> I'm just sorry. I know it hurts.
I can't believe how much you have to go through, Spriggy.
I don't know if I would have your strength.
Before you ever did this, before this happened to you,
did you ever imagine that it would? Did you know you had
this strength? Did you know you would be able to stick this through in spite of all the heartache and hard work and frustration? Did you know you'd feel both love and hate so closely, so intensely, and that in the end love would always win.. did you know you were so strong?
Because I don't need to wonder, I don't need to know, not now, not yet, and I feel incredibly lucky, and in a way really sad for you, and awestruck by you as well.
I hope you get breaks, do you get any help from a health agency or support program?
This is the end of the thread.
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