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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2005, at 13:25:30
He's almost nine. He's asking very very roundabout questions.
I'll leave it up to my husband of course. My own talk at age 8 was traumatic enough. If my father had given it I'd have dropped dead in shame.
But does anyone have any tips that I can pass on to hubby?
I'm thinking it would be best to give him a simple book and let him read it before asking whatever questions he wants to ask.
I remember my mother flooding me with info, and I pretty much shut down completely after a few choice words and didn't hear the rest anyway. My friend and I had to buy a copy of The Joy of Sex in our mid teens to clear things up.
Posted by Susan47 on April 30, 2005, at 21:27:51
In reply to Time for the big talk I think, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2005, at 13:25:30
Does he know the facts of life, or is this just sex? There's wonderful videos available, I took some out of our library. There's one particular, I believe it's a Nova show but I can't remember the title.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 4:18:19
In reply to Time for the big talk I think, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2005, at 13:25:30
I have heard that it is possible to bypass the 'big talk' by answering questions as best you can in an understandable way just as he asks them. Kind of provide info on a want to know basis and if that goes okay then he should feel comfortable talking to you and asking you about whatever he wants / needs.
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 10:23:06
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 4:18:19
Chuckle. That might work well for normal kids. But my son isn't a big question asker.
I'm relatively sure he knows there's no such thing as ummm.... holiday beings who enter the house and leave things. But he's reluctant to say so as much because he's not sure we know and doesn't want to disillusion us as because he's afraid he won't get as much stuff.
I think sex is the same way. He's very delicate in asking us. I guess he doesn't want to scare us by letting us know what sex is.
His therapist is working on this with him. :)
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 10:30:42
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Dinah, posted by Susan47 on April 30, 2005, at 21:27:51
I like the idea of a video too.
I thought letting him have a book and giving him time to take in what it says before having to discuss it might be least threatening.
We've been quite remiss I fear. Other than the stuff that affects kids his age, like letting him know that masturbation is perfectly fine and healthy, but is done in private; or talking about how babies grow in mothers tummies and that there are a few ways to come out, and this was the way he came out (c-section), we haven't really discussed it. He prefers cartoons, and we don't let him watch anything above PG (Star Wars will be his first PG-13), so he doesn't come into much contact with it.
He does know about girls and boys, because in the litigation climate of our times the girls and boys bathrooms always had open doors at his preschool. He's so familiar with that, I guess, that he never bothered to comment on it.
Either the school library or a friend had a book about the birds and bees that he mentioned once with slightly disguised interest. We encouraged him to check it out, but if he did he didn't bring it home or ask us anything about it. That was when I decided it might be time to expose him to the basic facts and let him ask questions.
Posted by AuntieMel on May 2, 2005, at 15:08:28
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Susan47, posted by Dinah on May 1, 2005, at 10:30:42
At about that age I gave my son a book to read and then asked if he had any questions.
I don't remember the name (I'll try to check) but it was very simple and to the point, used the correct terminology but didn't embelish much. It was for sure written for kids.
It seemed to be all I needed to do.
Quick look - this looks like a good one: "What's Going on Down There"
Posted by Pfinstegg on May 2, 2005, at 23:18:15
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on May 2, 2005, at 15:08:28
If you son's T is opening up this area with him, it might be good to work in synch with her- have a session (with her) to talk about the best way to appoach it with him. We began with the wonderful NOVA video which someone already mentioned. Then, at ten or eleven, I got several books- very simple ones recommended by our independent bookstore. We never had a specific talk, because we thought it would be uncomfortable for everyone, but later, when he began dating (about 15), we had occasional brief exchanges- me saying things like that, while it was his choice, I hoped he would have gradually more intimate relationships, but would not rush into having intercourse until he felt mature and had found a girl he cared about emotionally as well as sexually. That happened when he was 19. It was all good after that- two serious relationships lasting several years each, then the present lovely girl whom he's going to marry this October. I was stunned when he suddenly said to me, this year, while I was talking about something entirely different, "Mom, **** and I have such a great sex life!" The truth is,we said very little along the way- we mostly tried to convey that it was a beautiful part of life, and that we supported him as he made his own discoveries and choices. The books were wonderful; I can't remember the titles now, but they covered everything in such a comfortable, thorough way.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:59:27
In reply to You can skip the talk if you prefer, Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on May 2, 2005, at 23:18:15
Ah.
Do you guys learn this kind of stuff in school, or not?
We had units on puberty change stuff at primary (at around 10yrs) then again (in more detail) over the next two. Then more specific stuff on sex ed. at ages 13-15.
I know you guys don't get the sex ed. stuff...
But how about the puberty change kind of stuff???
Posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 23:03:21
In reply to Re: You can skip the talk if you prefer, Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:59:27
Heh heh
I distinctly remember when I found out about what sex was.
I was seven and my friend told me.
I didn't believe her.
Why would anyone want to do that???????
Then there was a book... Discovered it myself in the library.
The general idea was portrayed as somethink like 'scratching an itch'.
he he.
Posted by Minnie-Haha on May 15, 2005, at 15:16:46
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on May 2, 2005, at 15:08:28
> Quick look - this looks like a good one: "What's Going on Down There"
I'm late getting in on this 'cause I was blocked, but another good one is "It's Perfectly Normal".
Posted by Dinah on May 16, 2005, at 9:08:06
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think, posted by Minnie-Haha on May 15, 2005, at 15:16:46
That does look good. One of the books on our short list is "It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families" by the same author, targeted to kids a bit younger.
Although my son is sort of young for his age in some ways, and I think I lean to "What's the Big Secret? : Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys". It's too young for him in reading level. But it's not likely to overwhelm him. We're also looking at "Where Did I Come from"
Posted by Minnie-Haha on May 16, 2005, at 12:24:00
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Minnie-Haha, posted by Dinah on May 16, 2005, at 9:08:06
I'll put those on my list too. He starts middle-school next year and though he's not yet personally interested in girls, he has friends who are, and in any case, I'm sure he is wondering about what lies ahead.
We've talked a little bit about changes his body will go through as he becomes a young man. He looks mortified when we talk about this. He is SO sensitive. But he's also smart and pretty darn sensible, so I'm sure it will go OK.
Posted by daisym on May 22, 2005, at 0:45:32
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think » Minnie-Haha, posted by Dinah on May 16, 2005, at 9:08:06
I'm late to this thread but I'm curious how the "talk" is going Dinah. We did it a lot like Pfingstegg described with our oldest. Thing is with the next two, they already knew too much. Especially the last one! (Big brothers I guess.)
During middle school they all have to got through "sex ed" -- boys apart from girls. I loved that my kid would come home and at night, with his face completely covered with the blanket, would ask questions about things. The best one: "How do people DO that with out getting anxious??!" I had to stifle a laugh because he was completely serious.
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2005, at 8:23:00
In reply to Re: Time for the big talk I think, posted by daisym on May 22, 2005, at 0:45:32
I emailed him links to the books I liked best, offer him time to go to the bookstore, and dutifully relayed what the play therapist said.
Sigh. He'll find out by doing it before my husband makes juuuust the right decision.
This is the end of the thread.
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