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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by holymama on May 16, 2004, at 19:20:39
Does anyone else here feel that after coming out of a depression, they need to start from scratch, spiritually and in other ways? Throughout my recent depression I prayed everyday and read the Bible a bit when I could focus on it, but now that the depression broke, I feel like I lost some of the work I had been doing spritually. For example, previous to the depression, I had been working specifically on meditating on arrogance -- trying to see it in others and myself and clear myself of it. I was also working hard to see Jesus in every person, and it was definatley becoming part of my consciousness. Now I feel like I have lost any work I had done in those area and need to start from scratch.
I don't feel further away from God, luckily, and I think that praying everyday helped me keep that closeness. But the more intellectual disciplines feel lost.
Posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 0:06:16
In reply to Spiritual loss after a depression, posted by holymama on May 16, 2004, at 19:20:39
Oh, you brought up a neat question. I have been in a predictament with my spirituality. As a child, I was totally obedient. Now, as an adult with depression, I feel that I am struggling having a relationship with God. On one hand, I really need my spirituality and the other I am angry. I am angry that my mind, body, and life are in total disorder. I am struggling with spirtuality, because of my depression. Sometimes, I feel alienated with the world. Sometimes, I get down on hands and knees and beg God to free me from the hidden enemy (depression). I feel angry with God too for allowing such awful things to happen to me as a child and to others like murder. I don't know what to say anymore.
Sometimes, I just can't stand to hear any christian music, because I think it's a form of brainwashing. I don't know what's going on with me. I was going to sunday school in nursery school when most of this sadistic abuse occurred, so I am messed up with church doctrin and God. God as the father triggered me, because my father was so abusive. Also, it was like man was mighter than woman. Most of the stories I heard in church were about the men. I didn't like that either. I guess I am just messed up. But, your post got me thinking about my personal difficulties and struggling with spirtuality.
Sometimes, I feel detached from all the pain. I think all this is temporary and I will be with God one day. I just know. I have such a conflict inside on this topic of spirituality.
Posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 0:23:33
In reply to Spiritual loss after a depression(I'm messed up), posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 0:06:16
I have big fears of brain washing, because my father was involved in a cult where he believed he was God. This is why I fear hear things about feelings of brainwashing. I forgot to mention this in the post. So, this is why I am scared of being brainwashed by doctrins. It's an old thing with me. Parents had a spritual war that deeply affected me. I am struggling to even explain myself on this topic. I guess to put it simply I am hurting, but I still love God and want a relationship with him. I have a lot of unconscious fears due to Hell driven faith background, sadistic abuse, and experience with a cult.
Don't want anyone thinking that I have anything against christian music. I am just messed up and have a lot of issues.
Posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 3:26:53
In reply to just wanted to add(I'm messed up), posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 0:23:33
I just wanted to say that I really respect all denominations and those with faith. I feel so like a freak, because I want to bolt when going into a church, hearing prayers, or praise music. Maybe it has to do with having being told I was the daughter of the devil while being abused. I don't know. I am sorry for carrying on like this. I am just really struggling on this issue. I could just cry.
Posted by holymama on May 17, 2004, at 5:46:48
In reply to I envy others with peace, posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 3:26:53
Dear Shadows,
I'm really sorry to hear about you in so much pain and confusion. You know, as I was reading your post, I wondered why you have anything at all to do with a religion that reminds you of the one you had growing up? It might feel more natural for you to worship God in a way that doesn't trigger bad memories. I liked the Quaker meetinghouse I went to for a while because it was completely silent much of the time, no music, no minister, just people alone with their own thoughts and their own ideas of God. Personally, I feel like I can connect with God the best when I view him in a Christian way, and I think it's because I had a good and close relationship with my father, so that when I pray to God and say "Father", or sometimes even "Daddy", it feels comforting to me. I tried thinking of God in a mothering, nurturing way, but my own mother is cold and uncomfortable so that image didn't work for me. That's my $.02 for you: look around until you find a comforting way to be close to God. You obviously have a desire, and when you have a desire, GOd will pull you in close and help you find a way to be close. Just let it happen, and forget about any church that makes you feel scared.Thanks for sharing your story Shadow. You know, one other thing; I was involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses for a short while and when I knew I wanted to leave, but was having a hard time, I found a great website that is for abuse survivors of the Jehovah's Witnesses, but also any abuse survivor in general. The people are so overwhelmingly halpful and supportive to help you and there is even a therapist who gives free advice to anyone who posts him. It sounds like a place that might benefit you. Try this link if you are interested:
http://lambsroar.com/db/index.php
Good luck to you Shadow! Much love to you.
Posted by Ivan Michael on May 21, 2004, at 10:32:47
In reply to Spiritual loss after a depression, posted by holymama on May 16, 2004, at 19:20:39
i did the opposite. i fell away from religion when i realized that i was depressed. sorrie. i hope that you may find your way to faith again. good luck. and God bless(if that is your preference.
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