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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JustB on December 24, 2004, at 11:00:50
I don't do well under 'treatment'. I've been hospitalized for a year, then a week after discharge wanted to die. Again. That was many years ago, and it sucked. My family is afraid of me... and/or for me, I suppose. They are more enabling then helpful, but that's not their fault.
I've walked out of therepy and tried to comit suicide, leaving quacks mistified. I've wandered off for weeks, driving around the country looking for somewhere nice to die, only to bail out when I've found it... then wandered back home. I think it's guilt that saves me every time. I am not afraid of that.
It's been a bad year... a bad few years actually, and now my wife inists I do something or it's over. I don't blame her. It's do or die, I suppose, and that's alright by me.
No therepy for now, just started on Lamictal. No deadly rash yet, but there's still hope. Hopefully by spring this will all be over, one way or another. I've attained the goal of my life, that to see my kids grown. It's been a long road...
...and I'm tired.
b.
Posted by Slavegirl on December 25, 2004, at 18:03:49
In reply to Conquering the fear of trying again, posted by JustB on December 24, 2004, at 11:00:50
I hear you and feel your pain....your heart seems absolutely broken and you sound tired.... all I can say is....TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME...and please,please, please remember to speak to someone, anyone who will listen about how you're feeling (I know how hard it is when you're trying to explain and nobody will listen, let alone understand). You have good friends in here....
HUGE HUGS TO YOU
SG
Posted by JustB on December 26, 2004, at 10:00:52
In reply to Re: Conquering the fear of trying again, posted by Slavegirl on December 25, 2004, at 18:03:49
> all I can say is....TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME...
Forgetting yesterday, neglecting tomorrow, one day at a time leaves me sedintary... useless.
> please remember to speak to someone, anyone who will listen about how you're feeling
That's when I lose control of the emotions. Control is what keeps me around... lose it and I lose all. I remain as silent as I can, still a barrier to happiness.
b.
Posted by Slavegirl on December 26, 2004, at 16:30:39
In reply to Re: Conquering the fear of trying again, posted by JustB on December 26, 2004, at 10:00:52
At least you're feeling SOMETHING...which is better than nothing (although that sound so stupid) since I know exactly where you're at and what you're saying....been there plenty of times..hard to believe it when you feel 'OK-ish' and you've been so bad you've not wanted to be around....so very hard.
HUGS TO YOU!!! I MEAN IT!
sg
Posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2005, at 20:28:54
In reply to Re: Conquering the fear of trying again, posted by Slavegirl on December 26, 2004, at 16:30:39
I remember being in a similar situation. But, like you say it is about 'conquering the fear of trying again'. Here I am hoping that you meant something other than suicide...
Talk to people. Sometimes it helps just knowing that people are here and are listening nonjudgementally to you and to what you have to say.
I have found that to be the case here.
Once you start talking sometimes it can be hard to stop...
We can be here for you if you will let us.
Posted by JustB on February 7, 2005, at 17:10:23
In reply to Re: Conquering the fear of trying again, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2005, at 20:28:54
> Talk to people.
It's easier not to. They don't want to hear what I have to say, and I'd rather not lie. This, obviously, leaves me silent.
> Once you start talking sometimes it can be hard to stop...
True. But I must turn my back to the brink this approach leads me to. My life is spent avoiding said brink... as I dare not glimpse the abyss.
> We can be here for you if you will let us.
I think I've already gone to far.
~
I have been traveling a lot the last 2 months. A week in St Martten (Caribean), vacationing with friends. A week in Indiana for a funeral. A week in Puerto Vallarta for my daughters 18th birthday. Still on the docket is Florida in March, Alberta Canada in April, Monroe, WAshington in May, Indiana in June. Colorado in July, Oregon in August. OKC in Oct....
...and still, these days at home are torture.
I hate that about me, which of course, leads to:
I hate
b.
This is the end of the thread.
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