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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by HappyWildflower on March 28, 2006, at 12:48:20
Hi - this is my very first post, I'm very happy to be on this message board. I've been reading it for months, but have never posted until now 28/3/06 -
I've been crying/sad since i left my session today at noon, it's 8pm ish now. so, I'm very tired, but i wanted to put me first post into this forum before the day was over, and see if anyone out there will reply.
You can see from the subject I have some what feels like real major problems in therapy right now, but I won't go into too much untill i see how this works... Is there anybody out there?
I favourite line from a Pink Floyd song, anyone know it, or care to know me...
signed, not so happy wildflower ( I'm crying again!~~ Awe how sad is that?>>>
Posted by milly on March 28, 2006, at 15:22:28
In reply to As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by HappyWildflower on March 28, 2006, at 12:48:20
Hey Happy wildflower,
so sorry you are sad, welcome to babble I've only been around since January myself so still feel new but just wanted to say welcome and there are lots of lovely people here who will support you.
Try posting your therapy questions on the psychology board it get more traffic than here, I only pass by every now and then because I can remember that feeling of waiting for a reply and the anxiety it induced.
Anyway welcome and it sounds like you need a hug so ((((((((happywildflower))))))))))))
Keep posting
milly
Posted by HappyWildflower on March 28, 2006, at 16:25:00
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad » HappyWildflower, posted by milly on March 28, 2006, at 15:22:28
> Hey Happy wildflower,
> so sorry you are sad, welcome to babble I've only been around since January myself so still feel new but just wanted to say welcome and there are lots of lovely people here who will support you.
> Try posting your therapy questions on the psychology board it get more traffic than here, I only pass by every now and then because I can remember that feeling of waiting for a reply and the anxiety it induced.
> Anyway welcome and it sounds like you need a hug so ((((((((happywildflower))))))))))))
> Keep posting
> milly
awe... Hi milly - that was so sweet of you, i'm smiling sitting here, with a child like grin on my face. It's now 11pm, an I've been writing nearly all day since 3pm. I write about all the things I'm feeling etc. in a book for my T to read. I like to write. But, I have made myself kinda ill a wee bit because, i have not hat a crumb to eat since 11am. I have been feeling so sad. I have a ball of fire in my tummy feeling, and all day the burning ball of emotions have over ridden the hunger pangs which have tried to raise their voice. I'm very in need of a hug, so thank you so much>>>> I'm crying here again, as i think how my life is so great that i'm on a blooming website taliking to someone i dont know and poring my heart out...me thinks before I get any stiffer here, my body is tense and i my neck and back ache with th tension, I've felt all day since seeing my therapist, I will go and draw a big bubbly bath and into my pjs.
thanks for the advice on posting on main board - i have not found my way around yet, but i will try again when i'm not feeing so dazedish and sorta zonked out.
G -night . It's night time where i live
Take care and hope to speak again soon ~~
Posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:44:33
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by HappyWildflower on March 28, 2006, at 16:25:00
> awe... Hi milly - that was so sweet of you, i'm smiling sitting here, with a child like grin on my face.
**Aw that makes me feel good to know I could make you smile, thanks
> It's now 11pm, an I've been writing nearly all day since 3pm. I write about all the things I'm feeling etc. in a book for my T to read.
** Does she read it all or do you keep some stuff back?
>I like to write.
** Yep writings good it helps to get things sorted in my head I find
>But, I have made myself kinda ill a wee bit because, i have not hat a crumb to eat since 11am.
** Tut tut
>I have been feeling so sad. I have a ball of fire in my tummy feeling, and all day the burning ball of emotions have over ridden the hunger pangs which have tried to raise their voice.
** that is horrid when the sadness consumes all 'normal' desires, I completly stop functioning then.
>I'm very in need of a hug, so thank you so much>>>> I'm crying here again, as i think how my life is so great that i'm on a blooming website taliking to someone i dont know and poring my heart out...
** have a tissue, but to be heard and felt cared for by someone, does it matter if you don't 'know' me
> me thinks before I get any stiffer here, my body is tense and i my neck and back ache with th tension, I've felt all day since seeing my therapist, I will go and draw a big bubbly bath and into my pjs.
** good plan I hope it helped, the bubblier the better!
> thanks for the advice on posting on main board - i have not found my way around yet, but i will try again when i'm not feeing so dazedish and sorta zonked out.
> G -night . It's night time where i live
**Hope you slept well, I'm in UK so tend to be up when most others are asleep as most are in USA
> Take care and hope to speak again soon ~~
** Take care Happywildflower
milly
Posted by HappyWildflower on March 30, 2006, at 10:43:13
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:44:33
>
>
> > awe... Hi milly - that was so sweet of you, i'm smiling sitting here, with a child like grin on my face.
>
> **Aw that makes me feel good to know I could make you smile, thanks~~~Hi Milly 9 I like your name) - Glad u feel good making me feel good, it's a nice wee chain of feeling good! I'm not sure if i'm doing this chain thing right , I mean answering after each line you said last like the way you did with my previous msg, so let me know how it goes at your end when you see this please. ( i think it's a good way to write to each other , cos i can see your q's and answer them one by one. (lest i forget what you've asked/said) ~~
>
> > It's now 11pm, an I've been writing nearly all day since 3pm. I write about all the things I'm feeling etc. in a book for my T to read.
>
> ** Does she read it all or do you keep some stuff back?~~~I usually keep some stuff back. I have a few books going at the same time, but Tuesday I just let off alot of steam and trasferred alot of stuff from weeks ago into the book I give to her along with a whole lot of anger and critisism. I don't know what you'll make of that? Anyway I told her where i was feeling hurt and pinpointed the area in the session where it happened, so that i'm doing my part in working towards rpairing it. If she doesn't know i'm hurting how can she decide if she's going to work through it with me , or not. so, I gave her the run down from my angle and asked her to do what she could to repair the damage. ~~
> >I like to write.
>
> ** Yep writings good it helps to get things sorted in my head I find~~~ I' glad to find a fellow writer - currently I'm writing in a few small A5 lined notebooks. On Tues I wrote from page 73 - 121. the following day, On awakening I was still very sad, and angry with her, so, I wrote another ten pages. I felt a little clearer the following and , and as I said, able to pin point why/where the pain, and sadness was related to the session.~~
>
> >But, I have made myself kinda ill a wee bit because, i have not hat a crumb to eat since 11am.
>
> ** Tut tut~~~ It's so nice to hear you tut tut me, for not eating... It's what she'd say maybe not tut tut, but she'd care about it. since she's been helping me to eat something sooner on waking up instead of leaving it my usual 6 hours, and only drinking coffee. So, i'd eating a little before my appt that day, so at least I'd had breaky... and I could do with losing a few pounds - so it's not that bad now and again for me to have a fast.~~
>
> >I have been feeling so sad. I have a ball of fire in my tummy feeling, and all day the burning ball of emotions have over ridden the hunger pangs which have tried to raise their voice.
>
> ** that is horrid when the sadness consumes all 'normal' desires, I completly stop functioning then.~~~ I can't tell you Milly , how nice it is to talk to you and to read your replies... I am apparently so very needy right now, it's ap art of me i hate admitting to. I'm crying again now just saying it and becasuse i feel so happy to talk to you, and at the same time i hate being so needed that i'm online doing it. But I'VE BEEN SO ISLOATED FRO ALONG TIME , i DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TRUST ENOUGH. bUT, THAT'S CARAZY TOO, TRUSTING ALL THIS OVER THE INTERNET.( sorry I hit caps lock there, it's not that i was highlinting my words) ~~
>
> >I'm very in need of a hug, so thank you so much>>>> I'm crying here again, as i think how my life is so great that i'm on a blooming website taliking to someone i dont know and poring my heart out...
>
> ** have a tissue, but to be heard and felt cared for by someone, does it matter if you don't 'know' me
>~~~ Thanks, Milly for the tissues, I think I need a another one, so maybe i should just hold the box for a while...To be honest, when I read your reply today and the way you did it after each line i'd wriitten, it was just so complete and nice, and i started to cry. cos here i am talking to a stranger and you arer so kind and i'm feeling so needy. How many of us go online and are so needy to the point of finding comfort and support from a feelow humane being like this?/! It's kinda crazy, in a way. But I see your point too,when you say whats wrong with being heard and feeling cared for. I'm just not used to feeling cared for. And, as you may have experienced from your own therapy, it's never long enogh in the session to talk about all the things and to fell the caring is more than just her doing her job, if you know what I mean?>
> > me thinks before I get any stiffer here, my body is tense and i my neck and back ache with th tension, I've felt all day since seeing my therapist, I will go and draw a big bubbly bath and into my pjs.
>
> ** good plan I hope it helped, the bubblier the better!~~~ I'm going now for bubble bath - I got up at 9am today and went back to sleep untill 2.45pm. so it's just gone 5.30pm , and i'm going to warm up and relax, then maybe go for a wee walk before dark. ( the times on the postings are really confusing, since like you I'm in the U.K. - to read the timings they say i posted to you, makes me feel i dont know if i'm coming or going. Ha! so maybe I'll put the time at the top from now on - then again as i think it was Einstein said "Time is relative"~~ I liked Einstein!! ( not that I knew him personally, but i would have liked to have met him)
>
> > thanks for the advice on posting on main board - i have not found my way around yet, but i will try again when i'm not feeing so dazedish and sorta zonked out.
>
> > G -night . It's night time where i live
>
> **Hope you slept well, I'm in UK so tend to be up when most others are asleep as most are in USA
> ~~~ Actually in the end i never made the bath, as it was after 1.30 am when i stopped writing. I was so tired i thought it best to bathe in the morning. My sleep was full of a mish mash of dreams centred around her, I had a busy night of it all night long.
The fact you're in the UK too makes me cry because I thought no one else would be on here from the UK so it's a sort of overwhelmed happy cry of how can I be so fortunate to have Milly from the UK, just pass by the new babies chat room, on the exact day i wrote my very 1st posting. I am very grateful for you being so considerate and doing that. I still haveent't even worked out how to go to the main posting board. But I've been reading it for around 9 months now, and have come to recognire some of their names, like crushed out etc, and I expect they'll be in the USA. ~~
> > Take care and hope to speak again soon ~~
>
> ** Take care Happywildflower
> milly
>
>~~~ Thank you Milly - Thanks very much for making the effort. I'm feeling very fragile right now and you have been a comfort i can tell you!!! Byeee for now --Happywildflower ~~p.s. i have started my sentences with 3 of these wee squiggly lines~~~ and ended then with 2 ~~ I hope this helps make it easier for you to read this way.
~~~p.p.s. i was just thinking before I go, how verry nice it would be if you would like to write something to me about yourself - I don't mean in a desriptive, I'm blued eyed and blond way. I mean is there anything I could maybe help you with by listening to you and your therapy experience right now?? anyway here's abig SMILE from me to you Milly **S*M*I*L*E**
Posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:05:39
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by HappyWildflower on March 30, 2006, at 10:43:13
UK time 7:10pm (listening to the archers!!)
~~~Hi Milly 9 I like your name)
**thanks I like it too, how did you pick yours? (oh I made a joke! pick happy wild flowers!!)
~~~Glad u feel good making me feel good, it's a nice wee chain of feeling good!
** I haven't been much good to anyone lately so I really did feel good that I had done something right!
~~~I'm not sure if i'm doing this chain thing right , I mean answering after each line you said last like the way you did with my previous msg, so let me know how it goes at your end when you see this please.
** it worked fine but you can always delete bits that don't need answering or that make following to difficult
~~~ ( i think it's a good way to write to each other , cos i can see your q's and answer them one by one.
** me too I forget alot at the moment
~~~I usually keep some stuff back. I have a few books going at the same time, but Tuesday I just let off alot of steam and trasferred alot of stuff from weeks ago into the book I give to her along with a whole lot of anger and critisism. I don't know what you'll make of that?
** I think that is actually very positive, they need to know how you REALLY feel about lots of stuff including how we feel about them. They are actually fairly indestructable, believe me I've tried and he's still there for me.
~~~Anyway I told her where i was feeling hurt and pinpointed the area in the session where it happened, so that i'm doing my part in working towards rpairing it. If she doesn't know i'm hurting how can she decide if she's going to work through it with me , or not. so, I gave her the run down from my angle and asked her to do what she could to repair the damage. ~~
** Well done hopefully it will help the theraputic relationship, they are only human and they do get stuff wrong but if you don't say they won't always know.
~~~ I' glad to find a fellow writer - currently I'm writing in a few small A5 lined notebooks. On Tues I wrote from page 73 - 121.
** wow you did have alot to get down!
~~~the following day, On awakening I was still very sad, and angry with her, so, I wrote another ten pages. I felt a little clearer the following and , and as I said, able to pin point why/where the pain, and sadness was related to the session.~~
** Yep writing does help to sort it out, I am using a little notebook A6 I think and it is always with me and old ones are locked away. I do worry that someone might find them oneday and know my innermost thoughts but I can't bring myself to destroy them
~~~ I can't tell you Milly , how nice it is to talk to you and to read your replies... I am apparently so very needy right now, it's ap art of me i hate admitting to.** Admitting our neediness is so difficult I have learnt it the hard way, trying to pretend otherwise until I couldn't manage anything, I hate being needy with my T because it feels so unequal. Before I was really ill I was much more used to being needed than feeling needy so it was abit of a shock
~~~I'm crying again now just saying it and becasuse i feel so happy to talk to you, and at the same time i hate being so needed that i'm online doing it. But I'VE BEEN SO ISLOATED FRO ALONG TIME , i DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TRUST ENOUGH. bUT, THAT'S CARAZY TOO, TRUSTING ALL THIS OVER THE INTERNET.( sorry I hit caps lock there, it's not that i was highlinting my words) ~~
** you hitting caps lock made me giggle!
~~~ Thanks, Milly for the tissues, I think I need a another one, so maybe i should just hold the box for a while...** sure keep the box till I need it
~~~To be honest, when I read your reply today and the way you did it after each line i'd wriitten, it was just so complete and nice, and i started to cry. cos here i am talking to a stranger and you arer so kind and i'm feeling so needy. How many of us go online and are so needy to the point of finding comfort and support from a feelow humane being like this?/!
** loads, aren't we fortunate that we live in this age of technology.
~~~ I'm just not used to feeling cared for. And, as you may have experienced from your own therapy, it's never long enogh in the session to talk about all the things and to fell the caring is more than just her doing her job, if you know what I mean?** No 50 mins is never enough and I often cry at the words 'we must finish for now'
~~~ I'm going now for bubble bath - I got up at 9am today and went back to sleep untill 2.45pm.**You needed that, sleep is a great healer unless like me you use it as an avoidant!
~~~( the times on the postings are really confusing, since like you I'm in the U.K. - to read the timings they say i posted to you, makes me feel i dont know if i'm coming or going. Ha!
** yep I used to think I was permanently suffering from insomnia, even when I'm not
~~~so maybe I'll put the time at the top from now on -
**good idea I put it at the top this evening
~~~then again as i think it was Einstein said "Time is relative"~~ I liked Einstein!! ( not that I knew him personally, but i would have liked to have met him)
** I think he would have been an interesting chap to know.
~~~thanks for the advice on posting on main board - i have not found my way around yet, but i will try again when i'm not feeing so dazedish and sorta zonked out.
**If you scroll down you will find a list of boards, also a list at the top. I tend to hang out on 'social' or 'psychology' ( I caused a bit of a riot by accident on social and feel a bit traumatised by it all but I learnt alot about how I cope or rather don't cope with conflict)
~~~ My sleep was full of a mish mash of dreams centred around her, I had a busy night of it all night long.
**Disturbed sleep is horrid, will you tell your T that she took over your unconcious thought?
I'm sleeping alot better but apparently I am terribly violent (according to hubby) in my sleep but I don't remember anything in the morning.
~~~The fact you're in the UK too makes me cry because I thought no one else would be on here from the UK so it's a sort of overwhelmed happy cry of how can I be so fortunate to have Milly from the UK, just pass by the new babies chat room, on the exact day i wrote my very 1st posting.**It was quite fluky
~~~I am very grateful for you being so considerate and doing that. I still haveent't even worked out how to go to the main posting board. But I've been reading it for around 9 months now, and have come to recognire some of their names, like crushed out etc, and I expect they'll be in the USA. ~~
**most are, some canada, some australia and I know one other in UK
~~~ Thank you Milly - Thanks very much for making the effort. I'm feeling very fragile right now and you have been a comfort i can tell you!!! Byeee for now --Happywildflower ~~
~~~p.p.s. i was just thinking before I go, how verry nice it would be if you would like to write something to me about yourself - I don't mean in a desriptive, I'm blued eyed and blond way. I mean is there anything I could maybe help you with by listening to you and your therapy experience right now?? anyway here's abig SMILE from me to you Milly **S*M*I*L*E**
** thanks for the S*M*I*L*E* it made me grin.
My major problem in therapy at the moment it that because it is NHS I have used up my quota and although he has stretched it by a month next Tuesday is my last. He wants to refer me on to another T but I am so connected with him I can hardly bare the thought of leaving him.
Thanks for asking speak soon
milly
Posted by HappyWildflower on March 30, 2006, at 18:17:16
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad » HappyWildflower, posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:05:39
Hello Milly ** It's just gone 1am and i've got a lovely feeling from reading your post from earlier this evening.
I ended up having around a 3 hour bath. i was surprised, as thats pretrty long even for me!!
Listen, have tons i want to say to your reply,in my next reply, which i am planning on doing manana thats tomoro in espanol. it dont look the same without the accents above the appropriate bits.
(do you speak spanish yourself?)
anyway , tons to say but, am off to be and will get back to you soon - hopefully tomorrow morning - as like you i do tend to use sleep as a major avoidant.i'm really feeling so sad to hear that you've used up your quota!! please explain to me how that works \milly - then we can maybve come up with a plan to increase your quota. i man it's like saying oh i have to get better to appointment. It's like those suicide hotlines that only ooperate between 9 - 5 monday to friday>> Ok I will be sure to break down to appointment> am being sarcastic **
I liked you wee joke about picking my name _ you are very lovely!!!
and please big yourself up a lot cos you're very special - and it's ok to just be yourself and let someone love you for a change.
you dont ahve to help someone to feel good - just be and let someone love you, that way you inturn are actually helping them to give and feel good about helping you. If you see what I mean....
until tomoro - take care ** here's another smile
4 u !!!!!~~~~~***S*M*I*L*E***~~~!!!!
Posted by HappyWildflower on April 1, 2006, at 10:28:51
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by HappyWildflower on March 30, 2006, at 18:17:16
Hi Milly _ I was wondering if u are on line the now, cos it wld be nice to talk to you?
This is first time i've been back on since the other night. I hope you're well...
Are you finishing with your T this Tuesday - or did i read your msg wrong?
i'd like to talk to you if you're there.. sweet Milly>>>>
Bye bye
p.s. I don't know if you can chat on this web site, but can we maybe chat on msn?
if you want to my address surprisingly enuf is
happywildflower@hotmail.comif i'm outa line asking you to this i apologiser, i dont know all the rules. I just fancy talking stuff over with you.
take care Happywildflower
Posted by milly on April 1, 2006, at 11:44:39
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad, posted by HappyWildflower on April 1, 2006, at 10:28:51
> Hi Milly _ I was wondering if u are on line the now, cos it wld be nice to talk to you?
**hi I am here for a liitle bit but not on my usual computer
> This is first time i've been back on since the other night. I hope you're well...
** not bad, thanks for asking managed a fairly normal day but feel exhausted now, I used to be able to interact that much with no problem at all but since being ill I find it really tiring.
> Are you finishing with your T this Tuesday - or did i read your msg wrong?**Yep (big sobs)
> i'd like to talk to you if you're there.. sweet Milly>>>>
>
> Bye bye
>
> p.s. I don't know if you can chat on this web site, but can we maybe chat on msn?** there is something called Babbleopen but I've never used it and am not a computer whiz so might get it wrong
> if you want to my address surprisingly enuf is
> happywildflower@hotmail.com** thanks that is really sweet however if you want me not to know your real email address there is always babblemail where you click on the persons name at the top of a postand it will send theman email (It works if their name is in blue if it isn't then they have chosen to havetheir babblemail switched off)
>
> if i'm outa line asking you to this i apologiser, i dont know all the rules. I just fancy talking stuff over with you.** I'll babble mail you now but unfortunately hubby is on the computer where emails come into so I'm always a little cautiousbecause I don't have my own email address (must get that sorted)
> take care Happywildflower
Posted by HappyWildflower on April 1, 2006, at 12:10:35
In reply to Re: As i open up to my therapist she backs off...sad » HappyWildflower, posted by milly on April 1, 2006, at 11:44:39
Hello Milly 7.07 pm --
I just got you msg...I can tell you are a bit tired so i wont expect you'll be on much again tonight... I just cant believe it's your last day Tuesday, I'm intyears here imagining it being my last day on Tuesday... man that must be a hard one hon... I dont know what to say...
can you tell me , are you reADY TO GO? HAVE U DISCUSSED HOW HARD IT FEELS WITH HIM? iS YOUR HEART BREAKING? (SORRY IF I'M TOO OPEN JUST DONT ANSWER OR TELL ME TO BUT OUT) whoops hit those caps again!!
Getting a hotmail account is dead easy and you can do it in a few mins, just pick a nice name, as i know you will do and then see if its available. you do all this by going to www.hotmail.com then you click on the bit that says do you have a passport. Its a passport.net and not a real travel one. so just gointo there if you fancy having a hotmail account. Its quite good and free, and you can access it anywhere in the world. it is very popular wi students. But i just got my mum her first one the other day and shes 67 yrs of age!!
Alos you can use it as a live online chat in MSN people can talk to each other line for line live' I hope to hear from you soon..
I am thinking about you alot and would like to know how the nhs figure out what a quota will be... do you know how it works? and if you dont mind me asking how long have been attending the therapy so far? and is a phsych dynamic therapist or a CBT psychologist type of therapy?
Sorry for asking so many questions>>>i'm just interested in you.
take caree milly big smile *SM*I*L*E*
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