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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
Any thoughts on your therapist's OTHER clients?
While seeing my former therapist, I was sitting in the waiting room one day before our appointment and a girl I worked with came out. She said, "Wow, what are you doing here?" and I told her I was there for therapy, and she asked who I saw and I told her, and, surprise, surprise, she also saw MY therapist. That's how I felt about it: MY THERAPIST.
I told my therapist about it, and she was a little surprised that we knew each other, though I'm sure she realized (or should have) that where we worked wasn't a very big place - everyone there knew everyone else. Anyway, I ran into her a couple more times in the waiting room and finally mentioned to my therapist that it bothered me a bit seeing her. I don't know if my therapist changed her appointment time, or if the girl had ended therapy or what the case was, but I never saw her again in the office. And I was perfectly okay with that.
My problem with it? I was always feeling very possessive of my therapist and couldn't help but think "Does she like my coworker better than she likes me?"
Even now I wonder if my former coworker is still be treated by my former therapist, and I'm glad I don't know, because if she is, I think it would bother me. The fact that she would still 'have' my old therapist, but I don't.
On the other hand, there's a girl who sees my current therapist, usually just before me. When I'm sitting in the waiting room and she comes out, she doesn't even make eye contact - she keeps her head down and walks directly out of the office. Very quickly. I remarked to my therapist that I don't think the girl likes me very much. She appears to be about my age. My therapist asked why I felt that way. I told her that she (my therapist) was that girl's therapist before she was my therapist, so I felt like the girl probably resents me for seeing HER therapist. My therapist said that there could be many reasons for her not looking at me when she left, but acknowledged that that could be one of them.
When I left therapy on Monday night, the girl was waiting (appointments had been moved around due to my therapist's vacation), and she didn't look at me again. I guess I'm okay with this, I mean, I can somewhat understand. But there's a woman who's waiting when I get out of therapy and we always smile at each other and say hi as I'm leaving. I don't have a problem with her seeing MY therapist. Guess I don't feel as possessive. Am I growing?
Posted by Miller on July 1, 2003, at 22:17:36
In reply to The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
I am VERY jealous and possessive of my therapist. I don't want to share him with anyone. It would suit me just fine if I was his only patient. And, of course, I want to be SPECIAL to him. I want to be the hardest working, the one most in need of help, the one he relates most to, etc...
So, yes, you must be growing. I am definately not that far yet.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 22:28:58
In reply to The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
Speaking as the client who always leaves and usually comes with eyes averted and head down....
It's mainly because before therapy I'm preparing myself. And after therapy, I'm too drained to want to even see anyone. I sometimes even walk down the stairs instead of the elevator because i don't want to be that close to anyone. It's very rare that I leave therapy with a bounce in my step and a desire to be with anyone. So it might just be her style, and particularly her style while at therapy.
As far as other clients go? I'm pretty sure my therapist enjoys being with some of them more than me. I'm not a bundle of laughs, I frustrate him terribly, and by his own admission he thinks I'm odd. I've seen people that I assume are my therapists client's leaving, and I mainly feel a bit of curiosity, certainly no jealousy. I'm always a bit curious as to what sort of therapy my therapist usually does.
I get the feeling that I'm one of his few very long term clients, so I know I'm "special" in that way at least. :) But that's not a particularly good sort of special. It might come up a bit more in the new office arrangement, because currently it's a clinic and you really can't guess whose clients are whose. Now people will be more clearly his clients. I really don't think it will bother me though.
Part of it is that for several years, my therapist really didn't like me. He wouldn't admit that of course. He says I mistake frustration for dislike, and he admits to having been frustrated with the tenuousness of the therapeutic alliance. But call it what you will, for several years, he did *not* enjoy seeing me. But through it all he behaved so well. It really gave me this huge trust in him. Even when he clearly disliked me, he behaved as he should. He was there for me, he tried to help me. He put up with my foolishness. How can you not trust someone who sticks with you despite dislike for you? I know it sounds odd, but it's the reason I feel so safe with him now. I don't feel dislike from him anymore, I feel frustration and anger on occasion, but not the dislike I used to feel. But I know that even if he grows to dislike me again, even if I totally alienate him, he'll still be there in my corner. He won't try to get rid of me. I can count on him to be there. It's a really nice feeling, odd as it sounds.
Posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2003, at 22:29:59
In reply to The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
I don't care who my therapist's patients are as long as she likes me the best. I want her to think about me between sessions, and I want things in the "real" world to remind her of me.
But now that I have a new therapist, I don't care at all what she thinks. I feel like she has disappeared off the face of the earth.
My new therapist has a cool waiting room that has a little hallway next to it. So you go into the hallway through the waiting room door and then into his office. When you leave you go into the hallway and out a different door that leads into the main hallway. That way the patient leaving doesn't see the patient who is waiting. I thought it was kind of cute.
Posted by judy1 on July 2, 2003, at 11:23:54
In reply to Re: The OTHER clients... » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2003, at 22:29:59
All the therps I have seen have always had the arrangement of an alternate door for clients to leave so they don't meet the incoming one. It's never been a jealousy issue on my part, I simply don't want to run into anyone I know. I'm curious if the majority of therapists have this type of arrangement in their office.
take care, judy
Posted by Tabitha on July 2, 2003, at 11:36:29
In reply to The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
my first thought about this woman who won't look at you is, she might just feel a little embarassed over being in a therapist's office at all. Or... sometimes when I come out, I run into the cleaning crew (I go late evenings) and I don't want to look at them, because sometimes my eyes are puffy from crying, or I just feel like they know I just poured out my guts in therapy and I'm embarrassed, like if I look at them they'll see my desperation. Just some thoughts on all the nutty reasons someone might not be friendly after therapy.
Thank goodness mine has separate entrance exit corridors, so the only people I see are the group clients who have to return extra chairs to the lobby.
Posted by noa on July 2, 2003, at 12:36:25
In reply to The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 21:48:53
Penny, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the no-eye-contact thing has anything to do with you. A lot of people are embarrased about being at therapy, first of all. Second, there is that awkward boundary thing, too--how is one supposed to relate to the other clients--it's a whole new social situation for us, ya know?
I know when I come out of therapy, often it is like suddenly remembering the world is out there after being in a deep discussion. Or sometimes I've been crying. So I usually just leave with no eye contact.
As for seeing someone you work with--that can be awkward. If you were both currently working at the same place, I think the therapist should have realized that and tried to schedule you at times when you didn't run into each other. That's what I'd want.
Once, at my old pdoc (for meds), I ran into a person from work. It was awkward!
Posted by noa on July 2, 2003, at 12:37:13
In reply to Re: The OTHER clients... » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2003, at 22:29:59
That is cool! Very discreet.
Posted by noa on July 2, 2003, at 12:39:16
In reply to Re: The OTHER clients..., posted by Tabitha on July 2, 2003, at 11:36:29
My therapist is in a group office, so there is a waiting room and I see people coming and going, but they aren't all for my therapist. I really don't see any people going to my therapist, because when I come out of the office, I just walk by the waiting area and tend not to look at the people there. Maybe I don't want to see who is waiting for my therapist?
Posted by Penny on July 2, 2003, at 12:54:40
In reply to Re: The OTHER clients..., posted by noa on July 2, 2003, at 12:39:16
I certainly see everyone's point about the girl in the waiting room and other reasons she might not be willing to make eye contact. I guess I was just looking at it from my perspective, which is that the main reason I wouldn't make eye contact with another patient would be because I wouldn't want to think of them with MY therapist.
My therapist is usually the only one in the office when I go (there are four who share office space), so everyone coming in and out are there to see her usually. I say everyone - there's usually only one person in the waiting room at a time, so I see the girl who leaves before me and the woman whose session is after mine. It's a really small office, so there's no separate entrance for clients coming and going, so it can be a bit awkward. One time the girl was looking for something in the magazines right after her session b/f my therapist came out to get me, and the magazines were on a table right next to me, and it was just too close for comfort. Made me feel really strange that she would have to stand that close to where I was sitting when she's never even looked at me (when I could notice).
Posted by mair on July 2, 2003, at 21:37:38
In reply to Re: The OTHER clients..., posted by Penny on July 2, 2003, at 12:54:40
My therapist has 2 doors both in her current office and in her last office, but while i always use an exit that doesn't require that I see the next patient, the ones before me never have. I don't relish that contact so I would probably be the girl with the averted eyes.
I see my therapist twice a week. A woman I know has the time before me on one of those days. I was startled to run into her the first time and once we had a brief discussion where we acknowledged that we wouldn't tell anyone else that we both see this same therapist. I told my therapist that I wasn't bothered running into this woman, but I found that it really did bother me, and that it was hard to avoid her because she frequently ran over her time. After awhile, I'd drive by my therapist's office and if I saw this woman's car still in the parking lot, I'd drive around for awhile until she had left. I think my therapist picked up on my discomfort without me really saying anything about it because she offered to start my session 10 minutes later than usual, just so I wouldn't have this overlap.
I can't really say why it bothered me. I think I'm sort of embarrassed by how frequently I go to therapy and how long I've been at it. Since I sort of naturally assume I'm far down the pecking order of my therapist's favorite patients, I don't allow myself to feel jealous of her other patients. I do wonder about things like how many are long term patients and how many are couples or are men, but this is pretty much the self imposed limit of my curiosity.
Mair
Posted by Penny on July 2, 2003, at 22:11:35
In reply to Re: The OTHER clients..., posted by mair on July 2, 2003, at 21:37:38
I completely understand about not wanting to run into the woman you know, and I think it's great that your therapist moved your session time ten minutes later so you wouldn't have to run into her. Very thoughtful of her. I still wonder what my therapist did that resulted in my not running into my coworker anymore. My appointment time didn't change.
I even have a problem with recommending my psychiatrist to people, and he's a physician. My roommate has talked about perhaps going to a psychiatrist and I truly feel my pdoc is one of the best, and, as my best friend, I would want her to have the best if she decided to go, AND it's not as though it's 'technically' a therapeutic relationship or anything...it's a doctor-patient relationship...but I would truly have a HUGE problem with her seeing my pdoc.
Of course, I don't see him for a short 15-minutes-in-and-out-here's-your-script-on-your-way kind of visit. He usually spends an hour or more with me when I see him, and will see me as frequently as I need him to. And I do confide in him a great deal, so I guess there would be a potential conflict of interest there, perhaps?
I also have a fear of her seeing him, or someone else I know seeing him, and then not liking him as much as I do. I would be very defensive of him if someone criticized him in front of me. Hell, my family already thinks he dopes me up too much...
I think I'd have to ask him for referrals to other pdocs if she wanted to start seeing someone... I don't think I can share him with anyone I know. Most of his patients are children, so that's cool, as I don't feel the same possessiveness toward him when it comes to them. I don't know that I've ever seen another young woman in the waiting room to see him, though I'm sure I'm not the only one he treats.
As for frequency of therapy visits - my former therapist wouldn't see me more than once a week, even when I felt like I needed it. I think it was partly because of the insurance restrictions and limited number of visits.
But my current therapist will see me twice a week if I need it, and I have seen her twice a week a few times. It makes me feel good knowing that she's there for me when I need her. NOT that my old therapist wasn't, but I had her only for the weekly 50 minutes and then, maybe, a brief phone call (5 minutes or so). With two therapy visits a week, it just makes it easier to get through rough times.
One of the people I met on this board said something poignant to me recently. She said she's been in therapy for years and years and that she finally decided that if she wants to spend the rest of her life getting to know herself better, then so what? What's so bad about that? I shared that with my therapist and she agreed - there's certainly no set length for therapy, as long as you still have issues to work on. And I don't really see now, after being in therapy, how we don't all always have issues we can be working on. Guess it just depends on the person and what you're comfortable with. Personally, I get a great deal out of therapy and don't have any friends or family who have been in therapy as long as I have (which is really not that long in the grand scheme of things), so they think it's a little strange sometimes the way I refer to something my therapist said or apply something she taught me, but I don't really care. I feel very fortunate to be in a therapeutic relationship, even if it isn't cheap!!!
Sorry for being so long-winded!
Penny
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