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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pixel on February 17, 2004, at 13:09:56
I've been seeing my therapist for nearly a year now and we don't seem to be getting any where - not that I'm the world's best patient. The main problem, though, is that she complains that I make her uncomfortable. I get very nervous in sessions and tend to shut down somewhat and she thinks that I transfer this feeling to her, which causes her to become braindead and unable to think - which she finds very uncomfortable...
Anyway I was mostly wondering if it was maybe time to give up on her, as I feel that having to hold your therapist's hand shouldn't really be my job - however I'm not sure that I'm not overreacting, being new to all this and as I'm not unduely in contact with my feelings I have no idea how I feel about any of this - so would very much appreciate some input from somebody else...
Posted by KindGirl on February 17, 2004, at 13:58:29
In reply to Problems with therapist?, posted by pixel on February 17, 2004, at 13:09:56
Hey Pixel
If you read my post above you will know that I am having the world's worst day today...seriously....so I will try give you what I think because I know when you throw a post out there you really want to know someone hears you and reads you. I hear you and I read you.I think that this whole "therapy" thing..."recovery" is excruciating. Plain and simple. Removing the shields and defenses from the pain and letting it all come out...it is literally hell on earth....and to do this in front of someone else can feel so humiliating and shameful. At least that is MY experience.
I don't like hearing that your t. is "uncomfortable" with you...and I hate to even say that because I know how hard you have worked this year...to bond...to remember...to recover....but I think you really need a soft place to fall...a soft, consistent place...and it sounds like she is not really safe and consistent. ?????
Did you misinterpret her in any way? Are you reading more into it than that? I don't think you have, but just checking.
My t. says that we need to talk about everything...even if it is about her angering me or hurting me somehow....she needs to know.My advice on this is that you first of all talk to her about it somehow...leave her a message on her machine if that feels safer....write her a letter and mail it to her or leave it with her after your next appt....she needs to know that you are concerned with her uncomfortableness.
And you are right...you are not there to hold her hand...she is there for YOU and for YOU always, no matter how uncomfortable you make her. I am sorry this is so hard for you and I am sorry if what I say hurts you even more.
I am here and I hear you and I will listen if you want to vent some more. It just sucks sometimes, you know? Hang in there...KG
Posted by shortelise on February 17, 2004, at 15:13:04
In reply to Re: Problems with therapist?, posted by KindGirl on February 17, 2004, at 13:58:29
sounds like counter transference, but what do I know...?
Posted by terrics on February 17, 2004, at 16:56:13
In reply to Problems with therapist?, posted by pixel on February 17, 2004, at 13:09:56
Hi, That's her problem, not yours. If it were me I would get a new T. terrics
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on February 17, 2004, at 17:03:40
In reply to Re: Problems with therapist?, posted by terrics on February 17, 2004, at 16:56:13
well i agree with both of the other posters ... i would consider gettin a new t asap and it sure does sould like counter-transference to me too ...
good luck keep us posted!!!
(( lilmsbubbles ))
Posted by rs on February 17, 2004, at 19:31:25
In reply to Problems with therapist?, posted by pixel on February 17, 2004, at 13:09:56
Must agree if my T ever told me that would be running. So sorry that this is difficult for you. Your T should not be saying that to you. Is it possible to find another one. I understand why you are nervous when your in there I would be to. Please try to let her know how you feel. Best to you
Posted by jdgjdg on February 17, 2004, at 21:53:05
In reply to Re: Problems with therapist?, posted by KindGirl on February 17, 2004, at 13:58:29
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's always hard when the one person you feel like you should trust behaves this way.
It sounds like the two of you just don't "mesh". I have found that not every therapist works for every person. It took me going to 2 before finding someone I could confide in fully.
I agree that you should speak with her before finding someone else. It is just the appropriate thing to do. I would definitely be looking to find someone else in the mean time. I found it helpful to "interview" my potential therapist. I made a list of important qualities in a therapist. For example: do you interject your opinions or allow me to form my own ideals and just guide me. This is very important to me. Sometimes it makes things more comfortable when you go in for your first visit. Also remember that your therapist is there to give you a service. You are(or your insurance)paying her/him for a service. You are the one who needs to be happy with the quality of your therapy. Good luck...jdgjdg
Posted by pixel on February 18, 2004, at 2:37:23
In reply to Re: Problems with therapist?, posted by jdgjdg on February 17, 2004, at 21:53:05
Thanks for all the advice...
Unfortunately I don't actually have a choice in therapist (I'm not in the US) - there are only two here and whilst we don't mesh, she's not really that bad...just a little inexperienced and scared of doing something wrong. I'm actually moving in about six months - which is why I haven't done anything about it before (that and I don't like to give up/tend to "forget" things I don't like) However my nightmares are beginning to get much worse again, so maybe I need to do something anyway and not just wait it out?!
Going to see my doc tomorrow and my therapist Friday...
PS KindGirl - hope you're having a better day today :)
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2004, at 10:33:27
In reply to Problems with therapist?, posted by pixel on February 17, 2004, at 13:09:56
If's she's new and inexperienced, you might want to ask her to seek supervision. Remind her that her feelings for you are *her* responsibility, not yours. And that it really isn't her place to burden you with them. You're there to talk about you not her.
Posted by KindGirl on February 19, 2004, at 0:15:31
In reply to Re: Problems with therapist?, posted by pixel on February 18, 2004, at 2:37:23
Hey Pix,
Thanks for the good wishes.
I guess I had a better day today. My sides are sore from crying so much yesterday. :( So I decided to pamper myself and got a massage today. There is a place near me that has cheap massages. I needed it.
Going to t tomorrow and always get anxious about that.
What did you decide to do with your T?
Sorry you are so limited in your care. That stinks. Take care...hugs...kg
Posted by pixel on February 19, 2004, at 12:17:04
In reply to Re: Problems with therapist?, posted by KindGirl on February 19, 2004, at 0:15:31
Went to the doc today - told him what my therapist said and he essentially said that my body language was not very demonstrative (unfortunate side effect of excessive nerves) and that I basically brought it on myself. Explained to him that I was mildly petrified whenever in their offices etc etc - he went "boo"...not a highly constructive comment I feel...
Off to see my therapist tomorrow - hopefully she'll have something slightly more constructive to say about it!!
KindGirl: Hope you're still feeling better - massage sounds very nice.. and that all goes well tomorrow (or today? - get a little confused with the time difference) lol pixel[Did actually post this earlier, seems to have gotten lost somewhere, probably just as well - was feeling a touch sorry for myself; although I swear I worded it better?!)
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