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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by devon00 on March 9, 2004, at 17:49:54
Here's the long and the short of it. I had an unhappy childhood. My family was very critical of me.
While I prefer not to focus on my past, it does still color my thoughts and emotions. I am extremely sensitive and reactive. I suppose I take everything personally. For me this is just normal. But recently a friend stopped talking to me because she said I "take everything personally." Also, I have noticed that while I'm always upset or worried about this or that, other people don't seem to be that way. They seem a lot more laidback and just don't seem to take things very personally. Sometimes, even when someone is legitimately mad at them they don't even care! Even if someone is *unfairly* mad at me it bothers me to no end.
This is a big problem that I want to confront and to change. Yet I have no idea how to do it. When dealing with others, it seems like much of relationships are based on your INTERPRETATION of things. Does someone like or dislike you? Is someone snubbing you or just upset about something? Do people think you are smart or dumb? You cannot really know for sure, you just know what you THINK. The problem is that I feel that I'm too focussed on these things (things I can't control) and also that my perceptions may be off. How can I know for sure and how can I change? Do you think yoga will help me to calm down?
I'm tired of being at the mercy of others feelings about me, or my perception of what others think about me. Not only that, but I just want to become calmer and less reactive. Even the way I speak reflects my mindset...I talk quickly and with a lot of emotion and expressiveness.
Sometimes I think I have ended friendships or pushed good people away because it is too hard for them to deal with my ups and downs. I'm a neurotic worrier! I have lots of good qualities but I think this quality has created a roadblock that prevents me from making progress and feeling happier and more centered.
Any thoughts? I'm interested in any ideas, including medication.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 9, 2004, at 19:26:36
In reply to Hypersensitivity: How can I chill out, posted by devon00 on March 9, 2004, at 17:49:54
Oh I think I really understand this about you. I am highly sensitive, too. I have been accused of making moutains out of molehills. But to me, because I am reacting so much more intensely to stimuli than others, they ARE mountains.
I recommend this book: "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" by Elaine Aron. It's relatively inexpensive and is available from Amazon and probably most bookstores. When I read it, it was like coming home. Like she wrote the book about me. It really helps you to understand your special trait (and it IS special, but also a burden) and how to cope with it.
Please know that only about 15-20 percent of the population is highly sensitive like we are. That means that the majority of people likely will not understand what you are responding to. Thus, they say insensitive things and make you appear weak.
We sensitive people need to take extra care of ourselves. It takes a lot out of you responding more intenstly to everyday stimuli. We need time to recharge.
Please take care and keep posting.
gg
Posted by Racer on March 9, 2004, at 20:52:07
In reply to Hypersensitivity: How can I chill out, posted by devon00 on March 9, 2004, at 17:49:54
I have a lot to say on this issue, but am totally wiped out for today, so this is just a sneak preview for you. I do promise to write as soon as I can get the brain power to do so.
Anyway, when I think about these things, I start with definitions. All the things you're talking about have to do with perceptions, definitions, variations, etc. There is no one RIGHT level of sensitivity. There just isn't. Think about the bell curve, and how the continuum works. You fall somewhere on that curve, as do the rest of us. So, define what it is that makes you "hypersensitive" -- and then think about that definition a little more. Do you define hypersensitivity in absolute moral terms? If so, then can you restate it in more neutral language? (This isn't about semantic niceties, by the way. The words you choose are important, because they reflect your attitude about the issue.) Can you draw boundaries around your sensitivities? Like, "I am very sensitive to financial insecurities, but relatively unscathed by traffic problems." That sort of thing can be helpful, since it allows you to follow through to what you're really being sensitive about if it's not the obvious. (Brain power just flickered. I'm gonna end this quickly and come back to it later.)
As for other people, some of them are insensitive, and some of them may be defensive. You know, when you react to something insensitive that they say or do, they accuse you of hypersensitivity as a defense of their behavior. That's not about you being hypersensitive. That's about you learning some protective skills!
And I'm a big one for any physical activity that allows you to learn to know your body better. Yoga focusses on breathing, which is especially good. Pilates is also a good choice, but probably Yoga is a better first step. Good for you for thinking of something to do for yourself!
I'm glad you found your way here. There are a lot of great folks offering a lot of insight, intelligence, and just plain support. It's a good place, and I'm glad you've come to visit.
Posted by noa on March 9, 2004, at 21:22:27
In reply to Hypersensitivity: How can I chill out, posted by devon00 on March 9, 2004, at 17:49:54
Welcome to the Flaming Amygdala Gang! For whatever reason, it has helped me to have this image of my flaming amygdala as the cause of the sensitivity. I got this idea from Rita Carter's "Mapping the Mind". Her explanation of how some people pick up on "danger" signals and how such signals get processed, was fascinating to me. It's a timing thing. Danger signal system kicks into gear way faster than cortical brain/thinking and analyzing system. For sensitive/intuitive types, we tend to percieve danger without even knowing it sometimes and our danger signaling system get going before we know it, and certainly before our forebrains get their act together to try to figure out what is really going on and why and how to engage our problem solving to deal with it.
Posted by Pfinstegg on March 9, 2004, at 22:08:13
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes » devon00, posted by noa on March 9, 2004, at 21:22:27
That is such a great explanation. Noa. It ties in really well with a book I recently read by Allan Schore, called "Affect Regulation and Repair of the Self". In it, he says that psychotherapy tames down the flaming amygdala, and limbic system generally, by increasing the number of connections between those areas and the right orbital frontal cortex, so that we can, eventually, automatically dampen down those lightening-fast fear responses- the way well-nurtured babies automatically learn to do through their relationships with their mothers.
He thinks that mutual gaze is an important part of forming those new connections, and so has shifted his psychoanalytic practice from couch to chair!
Posted by gardenergirl on March 10, 2004, at 0:06:26
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes » noa, posted by Pfinstegg on March 9, 2004, at 22:08:13
I've seen references to the flaming amygdala before in other threads, but I didn't read them. Didn't know I was part of the gang! So my T is a firefighter? Or at least teaches me to put out amygdala fires? Love it!
gg
Posted by Apperceptor on March 10, 2004, at 22:31:08
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes » noa, posted by Pfinstegg on March 9, 2004, at 22:08:13
Hi-
Fun technique I learned while trying to teach it in a DBT group for inpatient individuals with BPD and bipolar I....the "teflon mind." It is SO simple but I've found it to work for me. When I get emotionally riled up (amygdala bursts into flames, if you will), I often don't have the cognitive resources to go through complicated pre-planned techniques...but thinking "non-stick teflon mind, just let it slide off, no baked on goo" or something of that ilk has been wonderful.
Try it...if it doesn't work, at least it's sorta cute ;-).
Posted by All Done on March 10, 2004, at 23:23:54
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes, posted by Apperceptor on March 10, 2004, at 22:31:08
>...but thinking "non-stick teflon mind, just let it slide off, no baked on goo" or something of that ilk has been wonderful.
Kind of silly :), but I like it, Apperceptor! I'm going to try it out. Thanks and welcome to Babble!
All Done
Posted by noa on March 11, 2004, at 18:44:28
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes » noa, posted by Pfinstegg on March 9, 2004, at 22:08:13
Pfinstegg,
That book sounds so interesting! Thanks. (Only I'm not planning on buying it because it is rather expensive! Is it a text book?) Maybe I can find a library that has it.
Posted by noa on March 11, 2004, at 18:46:06
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes, posted by Apperceptor on March 10, 2004, at 22:31:08
Great image! Thanks.
Posted by Pfinstegg on March 11, 2004, at 20:36:05
In reply to Re: Hypersensitivity: The flaming amygdala strikes » Pfinstegg, posted by noa on March 11, 2004, at 18:44:28
I think you're right not to buy it! It IS expensive, and also rather repetitive, as he puts all of his published articles for the last ten years into the chapters, and says the same thing over and over.. Still, he really is a unique synthesizer- someone who has read all of the neuroscience as well as the psychoanalytic literature. He showed one wonderful photo of a functional MRI- demonstrating how the amygdala lights up much LESS under stress after people have had therapy for panic disorder- compared to a group of controls on a clinic waiting list for therapy. I think we're going to be seeing a lot more stuff like this, and it's going to be really exciting! It's stunning to think that the effects of therapy will actually show up on an MRI, don't you think?
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