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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 20, 2004, at 19:15:00
I was going to talk about meds, I was going to ask him if a remark he made a couple of sessions ago indicated he may be relocating, and I was going to tell him that talking about intellectual issues at this point is total avoidance. Did I get even close to any of them? Nope.
Instead, we did energy therapy. It really didn't help, and he acknowledged that but thought it was worth the attempt. At the end, I said that I thought it didn't work because I can intellectualize it, and it doesn't get to the root of the problem. He said he was wanting to use gentler techniques so I don't become emotionally flooded. Mind you, I've gone weekly for 7 months and have cried only 3 times that I can think of. I've teared up some, though. Anyway, it occurred to me that he has mentioned the sessions in which I cried many times -- they really seemed to have affected him, and he was very concerned about me. On one of those days, he followed me into the parking lot to make sure I was OK. I think he worries that "going deep" is too much for me at this stage, so he does things to avoid it, and if I seem on the verge of tears, he always lets me off the hook.
So, I asked what was wrong with being flooded. He seemed surprised and said it was a good question. He responded that he didn't want to push me further into depression and thought I couldn't contain the flooding. I told him that pain he has seen in his office doesn't hold a candle to what I feel on most days. At this point, it was time to go, so he said he'd give it some more thought.
Here's what I really want to do but am scared to do -- I want to call him tomorrow and explain that since the last 2 weeks were a wash, and there is a lot I feel ready to jump into, could I have an additional session next week to accelerate the process and capitalize on my willingness to open up if prodded. I've never asked for anything extra; I've only called him about appointment conflicts. I think I would shrivel up and die if he said no. I tried to hint last week about needing more than once a week sessions by saying once a week barely makes a dent. That's when he got into the energy stuff as a way to give me something to do on my own. Not quite what I meant.
Any advice? Should I call?
Posted by lifeworthliving on May 20, 2004, at 23:03:48
In reply to Chickened out, posted by Aphrodite on May 20, 2004, at 19:15:00
> Here's what I really want to do but am scared to do -- I want to call him tomorrow and explain that since the last 2 weeks were a wash, and there is a lot I feel ready to jump into, could I have an additional session next week to accelerate the process and capitalize on my willingness to open up if prodded. I've never asked for anything extra; I've only called him about appointment conflicts. I think I would shrivel up and die if he said no. I tried to hint last week about needing more than once a week sessions by saying once a week barely makes a dent. >>>i go twice a week and find it helpful, but it does take a lot of emotional energy to keep up that pace. when she went on vacation for a month at xmas i thought it was going to kill me. i missed her so much. that was eight aptps we didn't have! more than once a week fosters a dependence (i think) that i'm not always comfortable with. i feel like i need her soooooo bad. for what? i'm not sure.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:44:33
In reply to Chickened out, posted by Aphrodite on May 20, 2004, at 19:15:00
My therapist says there's never any reason *not* to call. If he can see me, he will. If he can't, the worst that will happen will be that he'll say no. I've sort of reluctantly accepted the truth of this, except that I don't think he understands that "no" hurts. But I call him now and ask for what I want, and accept his answer knowing that he'll give me what he can.
And I don't know that you chickened out of anything. You brought up the very difficult subject of your therapist's avoidance of emotions you think you can handle. That you feel like you could work harder if you didn't feel like you needed to worry about him. Heck. That's a very very courageous thing to tell your therapist.
Posted by babbgal on May 21, 2004, at 13:24:35
In reply to Re: Chickened out » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:44:33
Aphrodite, I totally agree with Dinah. You're halfway there, you already mentioned some of this to your T. My experience has been that T.s/psychiatrists react strongly to you saying "I feel this and need to do some more work with you." Big step...big POSITIVE step. Hugs.
Posted by DaisyM on May 21, 2004, at 15:10:31
In reply to Chickened out, posted by Aphrodite on May 20, 2004, at 19:15:00
A-
I think you did wonderfully well. And I would call and ask for what you want. You can't get it any other way.
It seems from some of your posts that the issues you might want to get into are around abuse. Forgive me if you've already said so, I'm a little foggy today.
My experience has been this -- you DO get emotionally flooded and it IS really hard. Part of the conversation has to be what is it he is willing to do with you if/when this happens. I need lots of check in and lots of reassurance when I'm in that part of the cycle. Like right now. Talking about the specific incidences invariably frees my younger self to talk and feel. She hurts, is very frightened and really really needs our Therapist. I'm astonished at how split I can be at these times. Almost literally. My therapist talks to "her" and to "me" all the while knowing I want to just be one person. So it is important to know what he can/will do and what other supports you have in your life.
All the books talk about the crisis phase. I was sure I was together enough that I wouldn't go through it. I was so wrong. Some days I feel like my whole world is coming apart. But I know if I wasn't doing this work now, I'd be coming apart anyway.
So don't be afraid to do it. Just ask all those questions and be prepared to need your Therapist more. And post, lots and lots. There are lots of people here who *know* what you are going through and can help.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 21, 2004, at 15:57:44
In reply to Re: Chickened out » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:44:33
. . . is that he doesn't return the call. *Sigh*
Thank you for reassuring me that I did the right thing. It wasn't exactly all that I wanted to get out, but it was hard nonetheless. At least I didn't ramble on about work.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 21, 2004, at 15:59:25
In reply to Re: Chickened out, posted by babbgal on May 21, 2004, at 13:24:35
Thanks for your support. I think you are right about being frank about my needs. I feel ready to move more deeply into things. The urgency is so overwhelming. I'm in a hurry to heal. Thanks again.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 21, 2004, at 16:04:44
In reply to Re: Chickened out » Aphrodite, posted by DaisyM on May 21, 2004, at 15:10:31
I think he is right that when I flood, I have trouble constructively containing it. I tend to suppress, ignore and turn into a workaholic to avoid the pain. So far, I've tried to incorporate meditation and other relaxation techniques he has suggested to help cope. They aren't quite there yet -- I have to consciously do them as they aren't second nature. My problem with most of these inward ways of coping is that I cannot be still and alone with myself for more than a few minutes. I like to be alone *doing* something but not being still and checking in with myself. That's when I feel haunted and overwhelmed and worried that I cannot make it out of the abyss. So I try to avoid it altogether. That makes me realize he's onto something about avoiding triggers at this stage. Still, I can't be stagnant forever. I can do that without therapy.
And yes, posting helps so much. Thanks one and all.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 19:27:35
In reply to The worst that could happen . . . » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on May 21, 2004, at 15:57:44
Ouch! I hate that. I think it's important for therapists to return a phone call the same day at least.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 22, 2004, at 8:12:40
In reply to Re: The worst that could happen . . . » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 19:27:35
He doesn't see patients on Friday, and as far as I know, he may not always go in the office. (He's a one-man show, no assistant.) So, I realize there are a myriad of reasons he didn't call -- I'm saying that to try not to think, "He hates me and he doesn't care."
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2004, at 8:32:50
In reply to Re: The worst that could happen . . . » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on May 22, 2004, at 8:12:40
That's the *least* likely reason. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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