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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 10:10:38
Hi everyone,
I've never posted anything to this board before, but I lurk in the shadows from time to time. I've been going to therapy for about 11 months now. Yesterday, I was in the car with my husband when we pulled up to an intersection. At the same time, another car pulled up at the crossroad. The driver very politely gestured for us to go first. I looked at him, and realized that it was my T and his wife in the car. Both of us had our windows rolled down so it was easy for me to see him and vice-versa. I was surprised to see him and made a look and a gesture indicating my recognition and surprise. He became angry and practically flipped me a bird! I guess he didn't realize that it was me, and probably thought I was being rude. It was kinda funny to me to get this glimpse of him when he thinks nobody he knows is looking :). Has this happened to anyone else? I'm definitely going to bring this up in our next session and see how he responds.
Blossom
Posted by Raindancer on July 18, 2004, at 16:30:58
In reply to Met T on the road, posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 10:10:38
Blossom, it is possible that he did recognise you but wanted to protect all four of you. That might seem going a bit over the top but confidentiality rules are quite strict. Has he ever talked to you about meeting like this if you live in the same area? My T has said that he will NEVER acknowledge me if I am with someone else. I would talk to your T about this incident and perhaps decide between you what you will do if something similar occurs. All the best with your therapy. It's good to hear from you. R
Posted by pegasus on July 18, 2004, at 18:08:40
In reply to Re: Met T on the road » Blossom, posted by Raindancer on July 18, 2004, at 16:30:58
Hi Blossom and welcome,
So, do you think he figured out it was you? Or else, he thought your gesture of recognition was some comment on him letting you go first? Wowza. Let us know what happens when you bring it up with him! I hope he's somewhat apologetic.
I once ran into my T as he was doing an illegal driving maneuver. I was on my bike. I said hi as I passed him (his window was down), and he either didn't hear me, or ignored me. I asked him about it later in an email, and he never commented on it. So I'll never know whether he saw me.
I ran into an ex-T while walking downtown yesterday. We were both walking alone. I smiled and waved and said hi. She waved and asked how I was. I said I was fine, then continued walking on. Didn't even break stride for the exchange. It felt highly weird. I never liked her all that much, so I definitely didn't want to stop and talk.
Let us know what happens when you bring it up with your T, ok? I'm totally curious now. This is one of my biggest fears - running into my T in public and not getting the reaction I would want.
pegasus
Posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 20:22:08
In reply to Re: Met T on the road » Blossom, posted by Raindancer on July 18, 2004, at 16:30:58
That's a thought, but if it was true that he was merely trying to protect confidentiality or whatever, wouldn't it have been more logical to just ignore me instead of behaving badly? What kind of message does that send to his poor client who would like to fantasize that he is perfect??? ;)
Blossom
Posted by Dinah on July 18, 2004, at 22:22:21
In reply to Re: Met T on the road, posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 20:22:08
I'll be interested to see what he says. :)
I've seen my therapist only twice outside therapy - sort of amazing since we only live pretty close to one another and shop at the same shops. I'm always alert to signs of his presence. Both times I saw him and made sure he didn't see me. He was behaving well both times.
I can't imagine that he would be rude intentionally towards me. He knows I don't want to meet him outside the therapy room, so I think he'd be sort of at a loss what to do. He says he does a casual hello in general with clients.
I would guess that he didn't know it was you. But it does go to show you. Therapists are like ministers. They should be more careful than many other professions because they never know when one of their flock is watching.
Posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 1:18:13
In reply to Met T on the road, posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 10:10:38
Wow, talk about an uncomfortable situation! It appears that the T has a bit of road rage. I think that he has a lesson to learn from this. If I were him, I would be embarrassed. It just goes to show, we need to treat each other as we would as ourselves.
Now, the important questions are as follows: --How do you feel about him after this happened? Is this going to affect your therapy?
Are you still going to see that man that almost flipped the finger as a confident therapist?
Posted by Raindancer on July 19, 2004, at 10:34:03
In reply to Re: Met T on the road, posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 20:22:08
Blossom, I'm sorry. I didn't know what "flipped me a bird" meant. I think it likely now that he didn't recognise you. Sorry, I should have checked before I posted, I'd never heard that phrase before. I shall be very interested to hear what he says. All the best. R
Posted by gardenergirl on July 19, 2004, at 11:36:59
In reply to Re: Met T on the road, posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 1:18:13
> It just goes to show, we need to treat each other as we would as ourselves.
I agree. Now, I wonder what awful things people see me do that I don't think about in the moment. I can get annoyed with other drivers at times. And oy! If one of my clients saw me do it... What about singing in the car? Would you think I am a flake? :)
>
> Now, the important questions are as follows: --How do you feel about him after this happened? Is this going to affect your therapy?
> Are you still going to see that man that almost flipped the finger as a confident therapist?I think these are really important questions. I'm putting myself in your place, and I wonder...even if he didn't recognize me, it's still my T. And I think my image of him would be forever changed. Now maybe that would help with the transference to see that he is human and makes mistakes, too. But I'm fairly certain I would still fee hurt.
I know of at least one theory that states that progress comes after the T fails the client in some way, and you then work through it. Perhaps this incident will be an important event in your therapy.
Do let us know, and take care!
gg
Posted by Elle2021 on July 19, 2004, at 18:50:29
In reply to Re: Met T on the road, posted by gardenergirl on July 19, 2004, at 11:36:59
> And oy! If one of my clients saw me do it... What about singing in the car? Would you think I am a flake? :)
Of course not! I'd think you were doing a normal thing that just about everyone does. I know I love to belt it out in the car! :) Doesn't everyone sing in the car?
Elle
Posted by shortelise on July 19, 2004, at 19:07:25
In reply to Re: Met T on the road » gardenergirl, posted by Elle2021 on July 19, 2004, at 18:50:29
Blossom,
That's not nice. Especially if he did recognize you, but even if he didn't. But who knows, maybe he and his wife were having an argument, maybe she'd just told him he's a lousy... whatever. Or maybe he'd just stubbed his toe on the gas pedal.
I think he'll have a good explanation. But, dammit, you're going to have to bring it up and talk about it and blah blah blah! I feel badly for you. Therapy is complicated enough without unfortunate coincidences!
Please do keep us posted.
Posted by Blossom on July 19, 2004, at 19:45:18
In reply to funny, posted by shortelise on July 19, 2004, at 19:07:25
Ya know, it is funny. I live 3.5 miles from my therapist and you know that we're bound to run into one another from time to time. In fact, the next day, I saw his car go by on the road.
Maybe he WAS having an argument with his wife, but by golly, if he knew I was watching, you'd think he'd be a little more discreet about it! Anyway, my personal opinion is that most therapists have more problems than the general population. I mean, why do you think they were attracted to psychology in the first place? But what the heck? As long as they can do good therapy...it's fine with me.
The thing is, he's already made some pretty big mistakes in my therapy, in my estimation. He's sometimes quite hard on me. He has lost his temper at me a time or two and made me feel really bad, so it didn't surprise me at all to see him act that way. If it weren't for the fact that I think I am nearly through, I would go looking elsewhere.
You know, if it weren't for the meds I'm taking, I would probably take the whole thing kinda hard, but actually, I am laughing because HE's going to be the one who's going to be embarrassed when he finds out. I can't imagine that he would treat me that way on purpose. Even when he has been mad at me, I truly deserved it, and it was more like a father mad a his daughter for coming home too late--a caring sort of anger, if you know what I mean.
My session is on Thursday. I'll let you know how it goes.
Blossom
Posted by gardenergirl on July 19, 2004, at 21:34:00
In reply to Re: funny, posted by Blossom on July 19, 2004, at 19:45:18
You know, I just remembered something that happened to another student this year. She was out jogging one day and had a near miss with a car. Turns out the driver was one of her clients! A particularly difficult, very self-centered client. We don't think the client knew it was her T she almost hit. Frankly, she may not have noticed she came close to hitting anyone. But how do you process that?
gg
Posted by steelmagnolia25 on July 19, 2004, at 21:51:42
In reply to A different twist, posted by gardenergirl on July 19, 2004, at 21:34:00
The idea of running into my T is frightening. I think if it HAD to happen (because we live so close), I would prefer an automobile encounter.
At the same time, he and I did discuss once in the past how we would act outside the office. I told him that I would think it incredibly rude if he did not acknowlege me at all. I know some T's do this due to "confidentiality" or "ethics" or whatever, but I don't buy it. I'm one of those people that says "hi" and "thank you" to complete strangers if the moment is right. So T and I agreed we'd acknowledge one another with a little wave or "hi" but nothing more. I just hope it never happens.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 19, 2004, at 22:03:10
In reply to Re: A different twist, posted by steelmagnolia25 on July 19, 2004, at 21:51:42
I tell my clients that I won't acknowledge them unless they acknowledge me first. That way the ball is their court to decide if privacy is an issue or not. So far it has worked out pretty well.
gg
Posted by Pfinstegg on July 19, 2004, at 23:56:29
In reply to Re: A different twist, posted by gardenergirl on July 19, 2004, at 22:03:10
In a year and a half of therapy, my T and I have *run* into each other about a dozen times! The most extreme example was when he and his wife sat down at the same dinner table as us at a book lecture evening! I of course didn't know this would be happening when I started seeing him. We talked about it several times, and worked out a system that works well: we both just say "hi", smile and wave briefly. By now, I know it's going to happen fairly often as we share several interests and keep turning up at the same places. It doesn't interfere with what we are doing in sessions at all. It's just ODD!
Posted by gardenergirl on July 20, 2004, at 10:03:10
In reply to Re: A different twist » gardenergirl, posted by Pfinstegg on July 19, 2004, at 23:56:29
I remember your post about his. That would be odd! I'm sure at some point, whether during therapy or after I'm done, I'll run into my T, as we obviously have similar interests as well. At least about psychology. But having my husband there...that would be different to say the least.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Susan47 on July 20, 2004, at 17:27:40
In reply to Re: A different twist » Pfinstegg, posted by gardenergirl on July 20, 2004, at 10:03:10
This is an interesting thread. I've run into my T outside the office and I always feel like a small defenseless creature exposed from under a rock.
It's horrible; but exciting too; and then I can't stop thinking about him for hours. I hate it.
Posted by Blossom on July 22, 2004, at 18:12:35
In reply to Met T on the road, posted by Blossom on July 18, 2004, at 10:10:38
Hello fellow babblers.
I had my session with my therapist today, and overall, I don't feel too good about it. The thing is, when I came into the room, and sat down I immediately felt that he was irritated with me--before I had even said a word. He started out being pretty hard on me. Let me say, I have been in therapy for an eating disorder and he had spoken with my doctor earlier, so he had some reason to be upset, but seeing him act that way, I immediately flashed back to the incident on the road, and, though I knew in my heart of hearts that how he had reacted on the road had nothing to do with me, I started to doubt it. I thought that maybe just seeing me out there triggered something and made him react that way, like "Oh, its HER!!!".
I have heard of therapists who really dislike certain clients, and I felt through the entire session that I was simply an irritation to him and little more than a problem that needed to be solved.
I brought the incident up, and of course, he was oblivious that he had done that to me, and laughed heartily at himself, admitting to me that he was a pretty hot-tempered driver, but then he wanted to get back to the subject at hand, and, I think, completely missed the significance of the incident in my perception of him and my progress in therapy.
Its times like this that I just want to give up on the whole thing. Is there anyone out there that really cares?????
Just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening.
Blossom
Posted by Susan47 on July 22, 2004, at 19:47:06
In reply to Re: Met T on the road--Update, posted by Blossom on July 22, 2004, at 18:12:35
Blossom,
It sounds a bit like your T might have his own set of problems. Have you considered another T? I don't think you should ever leave therapy feeling worse about yourself than when you went in.
Posted by shortelise on July 23, 2004, at 2:41:19
In reply to Re: Met T on the road--Update, posted by Blossom on July 22, 2004, at 18:12:35
Ugh. Unpleasant.
I have felt that way about my T, that he is angry at me, finds me stupid and boring, wants me to go away, etc. To date he's done a pretty good job of convincing me it is about me and my transference and projection, not about his actual feelings. He has once in a while said that my perception of his mood was valid, though, which is why I tend to believe him.
So, you have to go back and say blah dee blah, you said this, I felt this, and on and on and on - you gotta slog through! That's the only way - I wouldn't suggest changing therapist because it sounds like you are in it up to your eyeballs with this guy. You have every right, and some obligation (to yourself and the therapeutic process), to talk these things out. Say it up front, girl, say how you feel, what you perceive and how you feel about it. Hurt, anger, insult ... whatever. They are your feelings so there is no right or wrong. If he's a decent therapist, he can take it - it's basic therapy to deal with this stuff!! If he can't take it, then he's a lousy therapist and you'll know to get the honk outta there.
Have the courage, becuase if you have it there where it's safe, you'll find it comes into other parts of your life, and when that happens, life gets better.
The world according to Shorte, when it's too hot to sleep...
And hey, I think I care, Blossom, as much as a total stranger who doesn't know you can care...
Shorte
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2004, at 6:52:35
In reply to Re: Met T on the road--Update, posted by Blossom on July 22, 2004, at 18:12:35
I think you need to be honest and tell him that you aren't trying to divert attention from your issues. But that your glimpse of his driving nature is having a negative effect on your therapeutic relationship, and therapy-interfering activities on the side of either party in the relationship deserve high priority.
It takes a while to absorb these things sometimes. I saw my therapist driving away from his office at the same time I did once, and he's one of those darters! He darts in and out of traffic jockeying for the best spot. Zooms off as soon as the light turns green. I suppose I could be charitable and assume that he was really late for another appointment and doesn't ordinarily drive that way. But it's enough in keeping with his in session behaviors that I am also willing to assume that that's how he drives. I think it often requires some adjustment of our mental image of them before we can really enter fully in the therapeutic relationship again.
I think it's fair to tell him that you need to talk about this to reconcile an angry driver with a safe therapist.
Posted by Blossom on July 23, 2004, at 8:37:02
In reply to Re: Met T on the road--Update, posted by shortelise on July 23, 2004, at 2:41:19
Hey, thanks, Shorte.
You're right. I do need to express myself to him, but I have a hard time with it. At the end of our session he asked me if I was okay, and I said, "well, it hasn't been the most pleasant session." (Truth be told, though, it was a lot like a lot of recent sessions.) He asked if I was angry at him, and I said I was, but of course, we would have to wait until next time to talk about it.
One of my issues is control. Pretty typical for a person with an eating disorder, I guess. I don't like showing or expressing my feelings to him, because I feel like it gives him control over me that he can make me upset or angry. I don't want him to have that pleasure! And unlike a lot of you on this board, I certainly don't want to have any feelings for him because that makes me more vulnerable. I guess that's pretty messed up and if I'm going to get my money's worth out of these sessions, I'm gonna have to get past that stuff and open up a little anyway!
Blossom
Posted by shortelise on July 23, 2004, at 11:06:06
In reply to Re: Met T on the road--Update, posted by Blossom on July 23, 2004, at 8:37:02
That's the way it was for me too - I didn't want to give him power because with that power he could hurt me.
But he proved again and again that he wasn't some evil guy who became a therapist so he could plot out the best way to hurt people who came to him for therapy.
He became a psychiatrist in order to help people.
And though therapy is painful - esp the "termination phase" I am going through now - I believe he never purposely caused me pain for the pleasure of it.
On occasion, he did hurt the sh*t out of me, said things that really hurt, but when he understood that, he always told me it hadn't been his intention, that he hadn't known ...
And hearing some truths hurts. But a good therapist helps us find those truths ourselves.I did NOT want to get attached to my guy either but it happens that my attachment is a warm and quiet one, no passion, no lust, but a maternal attachment - he's my mother, in whose presence I can be safe.
It's really, really hard as you obviously know.
Take care
Shorte
Posted by Susan47 on July 23, 2004, at 12:01:40
In reply to Re: Met T on the road--Update, posted by Blossom on July 23, 2004, at 8:37:02
Please don't be so hard on yourself.
You're not messed up. You're trying to figure things out. In a therapeutic situation that can be difficult. Friendships seem much easier. Don't take your T too seriously, but figure out exactly what *you* need from him; Your T is human, and he makes mistakes, and after reading about some of the experiences on this site I don't think we're in a position to be objective about our T's. They have the sociological advantage.
This is the end of the thread.
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