![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 15:45:41
I am a little bit scared of my pdoc. In the last couple of years I have tried three, and have stuck with this one for the last 6 months. She started seeing me when things were really bad (I went into the hospital a few days after my first appointment with her), but basically she has straightened my medications out, and is logical and smart. But the problem is, I don't like her and I get the feeling that she really doesn't like me. She's been really harsh with me in the past, over how much I drink for example, and yes, I deserve that criticism. And it motivated me to stop drinking as much. But it was something about her timing, or the way she critiqued me. It was at a point where I was finally doing and feeling well after being in the hospital, and I was expecting praise for my hard work. Instead, I got a lecture about how much I drink and how I take sleeping pills, and how I need to make a choice. "Do you ever think about getting sober?" She asked (now, I'm a one or two glass of wine a night girl, not quite what I'd consider a person in need of sobering up). O.K. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she's pushing me to go further and doesn't let me get away with anything.
My latest encounter with her was very confusing to me. I had increased my lithium dosage at my last appointment and it was not working for me. I've spent the last few weeks feeling like a dumb zombie. I'd been exhausted, very slow on the uptake, and unable to function well in my busy life of raising three children, going back to grad school and working 20 hours a week. It was a sunday, and I sat down with my husband and discussed this. He said he noticed the same thing about me and was starting to get a little scared in the personality change. I told him I wanted to decrease the dose to where it was last month, and he agreed that I should. We decided that I should just do it that night, and then call my pdoc to discuss the change on tuesday (first day of the week she's in). We talked about whether or not I should tell her I'd already reduced the dose. I decided not to, since I'm a little scared of her reaction, and thought it would be smoother leaving it out. Well, it wasn't smooth. When I told her my symptoms and that I wanted to reduce my lithium dose, she asked first that I take a blood level or lithium. So I was caught. I said " well, I reduced my dosage for the last 2 nights so the test wouldn't come out right if I did a blood test tomorrow". She paused for a long time, and then said "So why am I hearing about this after the fact? Why? I'm trying to figure out why? Wait -- you've done this before haven't you?" (I had not) Now, I'm feeling like an ashamed and guilty teenager just caught by my parents for sneeking out of the house.
I don't want to downplay my role in this. I changed my medication without talking to her first. I guess I lied to her. But In the rest of my life I consider myself to be a VERY honest person, very ethical, working very hard to be good. It bothers me a lot that there is this one person who has mistrusted and disliked me from the start and who is having some kind of power struggle with me over these little details. I feel like I know my body and know when I'm putting poison in it and when I want to stop.
Long story...for anyone still reading...any thoughts? Should I have it all out with this woman at my appointment next week? I feel scared to talk to her, yet she demands honesty. Should I find a new doctor who I can work with better?
~~Thank you for any thoughts anyone might have to help me sort this out before next week!!~
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2004, at 16:17:07
In reply to How to deal with a harsh pdoc???, posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 15:45:41
I would print out your post and take that in to her! You explain the situation and your perspective and your motivation for your actions very well. You also explain what your concerns are and why they are of concern to you.
I have been in a similar situation with my current p-doc. I send him emails fairly regularly to tell him where I am coming from and explain my perspective. It may be useful and she may be interested to discuss why you consider her 'harsh'. It may be just what is needed for her to be softer in her approach.
Good luck.
Posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 16:36:23
In reply to Re: How to deal with a harsh pdoc???, posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2004, at 16:17:07
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2004, at 18:18:20
In reply to How to deal with a harsh pdoc???, posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 15:45:41
Posted by mandinka on October 28, 2004, at 18:27:49
In reply to How to deal with a harsh pdoc???, posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 15:45:41
Your pdoc does sound unpleasant. If you feel like she hates you then maybe try shopping around for someone with a better attitude. Why would you want to be treated by someone who doesn't REALLY wish you well? Sounds like you're in a rather abusive relationship with her. If, as alexandra suggested, sharing your point of view with her does nothing to improve this situation, then switching pdocs would seem reasonable - at least from what I can tell.
Good luck! Don't let anyone talk down to you! :)
Posted by Dinah on October 29, 2004, at 3:20:53
In reply to How to deal with a harsh pdoc???, posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 15:45:41
I've changed pdocs and fired adjunct therapists for being what I consider abrasive. Other people might find them very good practitioners and might find their manner "direct" or "refreshing". And that's great. That's why there are many practitioners out there.
But I don't respond well to "direct" or "abrasive". I can be coaxed or led, but I can't be pushed or startled into compliance.
If you find that this pdoc's style isn't a good fit for you, look for another one. It's not anything against the pdoc or against you. It's just not a good fit.
(I feel that way about my gynecologist - she scares me, yet I've never left her. I haven't figured out why yet - different expectations from me toward a non-psych MD?)
Posted by holymama on October 29, 2004, at 10:33:17
In reply to Re: I quit., posted by Dinah on October 29, 2004, at 3:20:53
Thank you all! These are very helpful ways of looking at the situation. I am going to write down a bunch of ideas that I've gotten from you all and other people and prepare myself to confront her about our relationship next week. If it goes badly, I'll start looking for a doctor i can work with. THis is long term treatment I'm seeking, and I don't think I want to waste my time on someone who brings out the worst in me. If anyone has more ideas, please keep them coming! I'm learning from every response. :)
Posted by Poet on October 29, 2004, at 12:09:46
In reply to How to deal with a harsh pdoc???, posted by holymama on October 28, 2004, at 15:45:41
Hi Holymama,
You know your own body and mind, you are the expert, not your pdoc. Yes, decreasing the lithium was something that you might have discussed with her, because of potential side effects, etc, but a simple *next time, please talk to me first* is what you needed to hear.
I just hate that the pdoc patient relationship demands honestly, but sometimes when you're honest you get lectured or made to feel like a naughty child.
I know that drinking and meds lecture very well. I got pdoc to stop it by cutting him off in mid sentence and saying *yes, I know I shouldn't drink, no lecture needed.* He still brings it up, but not like a lecture. It's more like, *you know what you should do, I don't have to tell you.* The lecture does not help and your pdoc needs to know that however you feel comfortable telling her.
Your pdoc does seem very harsh, I wouldn't be able to take that. I wish you luck next week. I hope that you can resolve all of this, otherwise I would start the search for pdoc number four.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.