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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 7, 2005, at 19:23:47
This may sound whacky to some, but I truly believe that the feelings of love that I continue to have for my last therapist, in spite of everything, are really enjoyable. They're good feelings that keep the endorphins in my brain doing whatever they do that makes me happy. And I'm not going to do anything to change that. Loving somebody without expectation is really a great gift. It's a learned lesson for someone like me, but one I really appreciate. I like it. Somehow, the therapy I went for isn't the therapy I received, but the therapy I did receive was needed more urgently in some way, and made itself happen.
Thank you to all the wonderful therapists out there who are just doing their best.
Posted by Susan47 on February 7, 2005, at 19:45:30
In reply to Loving my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on February 7, 2005, at 19:23:47
But I said it, so it must be in there somewhere, having meaning.
Posted by 10derHeart on February 7, 2005, at 23:11:59
In reply to Loving my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on February 7, 2005, at 19:23:47
This sounds so very NOT-whacky to me, I can hardly put it into words.
Although the nature of my feelings for my ex-T. aren't like yours in SOME ways....we seem to have had some strikingly similar episodes and the intensity - we are on the same wavelength there. At least I think so from what I've read here. It's further confirmed by how often a phrase or description of yours moves me to tears instantly.
So based on what we have in common with fomer T's, this is an awesome post. Particularly striking were your words about loving without expectation. Shoot, Susan, you've been been loving your kids like that all your life, right? So that makes you somewhat of an expert!
This post lifted me up on a night where I was feeling weak and uncertain, daydreaming too much about how things were before he had to move and I was forced to accept this situation... <sigh>
Sure, you might change your mind tomorrow, but you also might change it back again the next day.
Great post, and I thank you for it.
Posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 0:16:39
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist » Susan47, posted by 10derHeart on February 7, 2005, at 23:11:59
Wow, I never thought I'd get a good reaction to that post, I felt a bit foolish. Do you know why? Here, let me tell you why.. because I know damn well I love an icon, a Thing, a person who does not exist in reality. I've made C into this shiny bright little image of his real self and stuck him where my heart is. I hang onto his image when I need it; to me, he's truly beautiful. I nurture and cherish what I like to believe. It makes me feel good. I behave in ways that offer my life hope, for the future. I believe there is a real person who I will have reason to love much the same way I love this remnant memory of a real human being.
Posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 9:59:00
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist » 10derHeart, posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 0:16:39
Even though I'm a fool. I hate that this therapist most likely just finds me an object of derision, perhaps even pity. I can't allow myself to think like that, it's very depressing. And harmful to me. Perhaps not very flattering to him, either. I need a holiday.
Posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 11:43:07
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 9:59:00
you're allowed to love whomever you want. Yes, endorphins are wonderful.
the part I don't like is that you refer to yourself horibly in the next breath. You don't/can't know his feelings about you, so PLEASE stop hurting yourself with the self-negativity, okay?!?
(((mwuh)))
sunny10
Posted by 10derHeart on February 8, 2005, at 13:26:50
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist, posted by sunny10 on February 8, 2005, at 11:43:07
...you just quit that, will ya'? Pleeeeeze?
We really don't know what they think, especially in these post-therapy times...I think imaginations run even wilder at this point, with all the roller-coaster emotions going on as the grief gets worked out.
Now, in a way I'll contradict myself by saying that I just can't in any way imagine your ex-T. thinks of you with derision. I really can't. I'll bet it's a lot more complex and a lot nicer than that for him.
No, I can't *know.* But I feel like I do *know* that. So there.
Posted by mair on February 8, 2005, at 14:01:18
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 9:59:00
P R O J E C T I O N ! ! ! ! !
I can't believe your ex-T thinks of you with derision. I can believe that you deride yourself for your obsession with him and that you attribute all of those negative thoughts and feelings to him.
I've done alot of work with my own T to try to learn to identify when I'm projecting. I know it's difficult because sometimes the negative opinions we're projecting just seem so reasonable. If I look at a set of circumstances as irrefutable evidence that I'm a total loser, for instance (the evidence is sometimes just so overwelming), then of course it seems very logical to me that my T would interpret that evidence in a way which would lead her to the same conclusion.
Mair
Posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 14:15:07
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist » Susan47, posted by mair on February 8, 2005, at 14:01:18
Thanks guys, you're all correct and you're all right. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on February 9, 2005, at 11:46:07
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist » Susan47, posted by mair on February 8, 2005, at 14:01:18
> P R O J E C T I O N ! ! ! ! !
Mair, your post has some good insights. I just had to grin when I saw this above, because in my head I heard sirens...whoop whoop whooop! Projection alert! Projection alert!
Now, if only we had that IRL...
gg
>
Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 12:48:42
In reply to Re: Loving my Therapist » mair, posted by gardenergirl on February 9, 2005, at 11:46:07
Man, if we had that in real life what a rosy picture that would be when we're feeling bad about ourselves for good reason, but what about the times when we're feeling good about ourselves and really have no reason to? I know there're lots of people like that too. Wouldn't it devastate Them? And me, too, when I'm manic and feeling good about myself for no good reason ...
This is the end of the thread.
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