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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
I thought the thread HF started was really interesting - the one about how your T sits. And then LGL asked how ppl sit in relation to their T. So, how do you sit?
I sit on a love seat that's just slightly lower than my T's chair - which is on casters. Unfortunately, it puts me at such an angle that when I look up at him, sometimes my eyes first land on his ..... pants. ; ) He sits just slightly off to the side. It definitely could be more comfortable, but his office is nice, and it's comfortable, and I like him, so oh well. Maybe one day I'll mention it, it's one of the first things I noticed, so I guess it's worth telling him.
fw
Posted by happyflower on December 6, 2005, at 19:37:43
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
Well I have a choice of 2 comfortable blue wing back chairs to sit on. I sit on the one closest to his desk with my legs crossed. The chair sits lower than most which is great since I am so short, I can cross my legs with it feeling comfortable. He has a chair with wheels and sits directly across me.
Posted by Dinah on December 6, 2005, at 20:39:57
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
I sit arms folded tightly, legs crossed tightly.
lol. I remembered this thread when I saw my therapist Sunday and I asked how my body language read to him. So he impersonated me. :) He looked soooo funny. I said I'd guess he was angry with me.
In reality, I just feel more secure that way, like I'm holding myself.
But I guess there is anxiety involved. And self protection.
Posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 21:05:20
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?! » fairywings, posted by Dinah on December 6, 2005, at 20:39:57
> I sit arms folded tightly, legs crossed tightly.
>
> lol. I remembered this thread when I saw my therapist Sunday and I asked how my body language read to him. So he impersonated me. :) He looked soooo funny. I said I'd guess he was angry with me.
>
> In reality, I just feel more secure that way, like I'm holding myself.
>
> But I guess there is anxiety involved. And self protection.Oh gosh Dinah, I NEVER thought about how we came across to THEM!!! Wow, I bet I look weird! I completely understand the need to felt secure and protected.
I sit a couple of ways depending on how I feel. When I'm comfortable, I sit with my arm on the arm of the love seat, legs either crossed, or feet on floor. When I'm feeling more insecure, I sit holding my arms. I don't have very good eye contact. Since he sits off to the side, it's kind of awkward to look at him anyway.
So strange, I never really thought about it before.
fw
Posted by Gee on December 6, 2005, at 21:22:52
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?! » Dinah, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 21:05:20
My T use to mimic how ever I sat. It made me realize really fast that body language plays a huge part. That and we were doing body language in psych class.
Apparently if you sit more open you'll feel more open.
Posted by daisym on December 6, 2005, at 23:07:02
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by Gee on December 6, 2005, at 21:22:52
Most of the time I sit in the corner of the couch, shoes off, feet tucked up with pillows on my lap. Sometimes I try hard to stay open and not grab the pillow. Most of the time I can't.
But if I have on boots, or a straight skirt, I sit ankles crossed, with pillows on my lap.
Once I had a dream that I sat on the other side of the couch. So I tried it. It was just too weird.
Posted by Tamar on December 7, 2005, at 7:26:56
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
I used to sit on straight chair, opposite him (he was also in a straight chair). I felt very exposed and uncomfortable a lot of the time and often I wanted to sit on the floor but for some reason I never did it.
I was pregnant when I was in therapy and at first I sat leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. But pretty soon my tummy got too big and I had to sit up straight. By then I was too big to cross my legs at the knee, so I sat with one ankle on the opposite knee (did I describe that so that people know what I mean?). I think it’s actually a very masculine and dominant position to sit in, and my therapist never mirrored it, although it wouldn’t have bothered me. It was simply comfortable for me. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen another woman sit like that.
I also sat on my hands quite a lot. My therapist never mirrored that one either. But when I sat with my hands on my abdomen he would mirror me. And if I caught him I’d very deliberately reposition myself in one of the positions he never mirrored.
I was constantly aware of my body language and of his. That’s probably part of the reason I felt so exposed. I don’t know a lot about body language, but I definitely was aware of what my body and his body were doing in therapy!
Posted by luvdove on December 7, 2005, at 7:30:21
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by daisym on December 6, 2005, at 23:07:02
A while ago my T suggested I lie down so that I wouldn't be distracted by her 'looking' at me... so most of the time I do now, and she has this blanket that I hide under.. but when I'm angry with her I'll sit up instead!
Dinah I like what you said about your T imitating you and how you found it really funny! I hadn't thought about how I come across.. I guess my 'hiding under the blanket' would probably come across as fearful!
Luv x
Posted by Toph on December 7, 2005, at 9:17:14
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
We sit in identical chairs opposite each other at a distance of about 8-10' that I suspect my slightly OCD Pdoc has carefully calculated. Every once in a while I become cognizant of whether his and or my legs are spread or crossed though we don't talk about it. At those times there invariably is some kind of unconscious power struggle going on acted out in our legs. Frankly, I've had an urge on occasion to behave like my dog Gus and pee on the leg of his desk as I'm leaving.
Posted by fairywings on December 7, 2005, at 9:33:23
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by Tamar on December 7, 2005, at 7:26:56
> I used to sit on straight chair, opposite him (he was also in a straight chair). I felt very exposed and uncomfortable a lot of the time and often I wanted to sit on the floor but for some reason I never did it.
Bleh, a straight chair sounds SO uncomfortable. Maybe it's to make us want to get out on time! ; ) I mean if we can get too comfy we might want to stay all day. ; )
>
> I was pregnant when I was in therapy and at first I sat leaning forward with my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. But pretty soon my tummy got too big and I had to sit up straight. By then I was too big to cross my legs at the knee, so I sat with one ankle on the opposite knee (did I describe that so that people know what I mean?).Yep, understood completely.
>>I think it’s actually a very masculine and dominant position to sit in, and my therapist never mirrored it, although it wouldn’t have bothered me. It was simply comfortable for me. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen another woman sit like that.
I sit that way a lot, and a lot in therapy. Mostly it's when my jeans are feeling just a bit too tight to cross at the knee, BUT I also don't sit with my legs crossed at the knee because if I sit that way too long I get hip pain. Oh these old bones! I often want to sit on the floor too, but I wouldn't. There's not much space on the floor.
>
> I also sat on my hands quite a lot. My therapist never mirrored that one either. But when I sat with my hands on my abdomen he would mirror me. And if I caught him I’d very deliberately reposition myself in one of the positions he never mirrored.It's funny you talk about mirroring, and that you're really conscious of it. I'm not sure I look at mine enough to know if he was or not, but I don't think he does. He often sits with his feet propped up on a table. But, my old T used to mirror my behavior, so if I was edgy and aggitated, lots of gestures, he'd be the same way. I didn't realize it until one time I was flinging my hair back, and he did the same thing. Then on the way home I was like, "Hey!, I think he was trying to mirror me!" I never got a chance to ask him because I quit not too long after that.
> I was constantly aware of my body language and of his. That’s probably part of the reason I felt so exposed. I don’t know a lot about body language, but I definitely was aware of what my body and his body were doing in therapy!
>
It is fascinating, and I wonder what mine says to him, but I'm afraid to ask! ; )
fw
Posted by fairywings on December 7, 2005, at 9:37:33
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?! » fairywings, posted by Toph on December 7, 2005, at 9:17:14
> We sit in identical chairs opposite each other at a distance of about 8-10' that I suspect my slightly OCD Pdoc has carefully calculated. Every once in a while I become cognizant of whether his and or my legs are spread or crossed though we don't talk about it. At those times there invariably is some kind of unconscious power struggle going on acted out in our legs. Frankly, I've had an urge on occasion to behave like my dog Gus and pee on the leg of his desk
as I'm leaving.OH SH*T Toph! It's a good thing I didn't have anything in my mouth when I read that, or it would have gone all over the computer! Too funny! Try it some time and report back to us how he responds! LMAO!
I sometimes wish we sat further apart, I think the distance between us can't be more than 3 - 4 feet. Yikes!Give Gus a scratch behind the ears for me.
fw
Posted by fairywings on December 7, 2005, at 9:38:38
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by daisym on December 6, 2005, at 23:07:02
Posted by happyflower on December 7, 2005, at 10:16:57
In reply to Re: I'd love to be able to get that comfy (nm) » daisym, posted by fairywings on December 7, 2005, at 9:38:38
Posted by allisonross on December 7, 2005, at 10:49:50
In reply to I sit on his lap face to face! LOL (nm), posted by happyflower on December 7, 2005, at 10:16:57
Sometimes I sit in his lap facing him....sometimes (this part is real, LOL) I sit with my legs crossed in front of him, and then put those (silky nyloned legs) up on the couch sideways......so he can see ALL of them; i stretch them out....decorously of course.....then sometimes bend over a little to show the cleavage; I mean my bag of tricks (we women are like that) are just endless, LOL, LOL
Posted by fallsfall on December 7, 2005, at 12:11:49
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by Tamar on December 7, 2005, at 7:26:56
>I sat with one ankle on the opposite knee (did I describe that so that people know what I mean?). I think it’s actually a very masculine and dominant position to sit in, and my therapist never mirrored it, although it wouldn’t have bothered me. It was simply comfortable for me. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen another woman sit like that.
I ALWAYS sit that way in therapy. It is comfortable and sort of lets me define my space. I always hold a water bottle to fiddle with, and that position lets me be more discrete with my fiddling (so he doesn't necessarily get to see exactly how much I am fiddling).
I never thought of it being a dominant position, but I suppose it is, and I suppose that suits me!
Posted by Deneb on December 7, 2005, at 12:38:18
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
When I'm nervous or on edge I site on the edge of the chair. When I'm not anxious I site on the whole chair and get comfortable.
When I have a piece of paper in my hands I would start to shred it while talking. I fiddle with my coat or shoes or sweater.
I remember once when I was really in bad shape and I sat with my coat over my head and my knees to my face.
Deneb
Posted by 10derHeart on December 7, 2005, at 12:44:05
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by Tamar on December 7, 2005, at 7:26:56
>...so I sat with one ankle on the opposite knee (did I describe that so that people know what I mean?). I think it’s actually a very masculine and dominant position to sit in, and my therapist never mirrored it, although it wouldn’t have bothered me. It was simply comfortable for me. <<
I never thought of it as masculine. Interesting. Why masculine? Do men sit this way more often? Is is (usually is...) something about exposing *that* particular area, some message we might be unconsciously giving? That we're not afraid? Or we're open to them in the most intimate way possible (meant more symbolically, not so much literally...others' mileage may vary on this though..!!!) Must be...makes sense, but then agian... Hmm, I usually do pay attention to body language in lots of settings, but I haven't read up on it in quite a few years. It's pretty fascinating to me, though.
>But I don’t think I’ve ever seen another woman sit like that.<
Haven't met me yet, have you? ;-) I always sit like that - probably about 80% of the time in therapy anyway. And a lot in places outside of therpy. It feels casual and comfortable to me. When I don't, I may hug a pillow and cross my legs at the ankles for a while, but I do notice this makes me more withdrawn, quiet and uncertain of what to say. And that's actually uncomfortable when I'm trying to really tell him the honest things I'm thinking/feeling....so, the left ankle goes back up on the right knee again (with the foot often *jiggling* faster, slower...depending on how anxious I am.)
I think it has a lot to do with the fact I *never* wear a dress or skirt, either, so I am free to sit that way, and I do like that freedom.
He does mirror this position of mine almost always, too. The foot *jiggling* and all, mind you! We haven't talked about it yet, but we should. ('cept once I recall teasing him about his "foot speed," which made him immediately stop doing it that session ;-) ) Lord only knows where that talk might lead....yikes!
This is a favorite topic of mine. Great thread!
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 14:45:39
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
Hi...I'm new here, just jumping in after a long time of lurking. I love this thread because my therapist often draws attention to how I'm sitting or holding my body and will sometimes urge me to change what I'm doing. For example, once when I was recalling some sensitive stuff, she quietly said "try to relax your jaw" and when I did, I immediately burst into tears.
Usually I sit on the couch with my legs crossed at the ankles....and my hands clasped in my lap. But, like Daisy, when I need to feel "safer" I'll curl my feet up under me and hold a pillow across my stomach, or pull my knees up under my chin. She'll sometimes ask me if I can put the pillow down....sometimes I can and sometimes not, although I'll usually try to trust her that it's important to do so and it often leads to deeper feelings and talking.
And, sometimes she'll comment on how "loose" I look physically...we're both big on mind/body connection.
Really good thread! Anneke
Posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 18:50:47
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
Arms crossed tight across my solar plexus and legs crossed tight. Once and a brief while I uncross my arms and lean on the arm of the love seat, but that is very rare indeed.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on December 7, 2005, at 19:34:56
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 18:50:47
We'd make nice bookends. :)
I think I'm going to try not to be so tightly crossed tomorrow.
Posted by B2chica on December 8, 2005, at 9:08:47
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?! » Poet, posted by Dinah on December 7, 2005, at 19:34:56
when i'm needing to tell him something scary or uncomfortable i snuggle in the corner of the loveseat and put my left leg up on the couch with knee under chin or some variation of that. when i feel comfortable i sit legs crossed or with ankle of one over knee of other. someone above i think mentioned this position...sorry i'm terrible with remembering.
very interesting, i guess my T did comment once about the was i was angrily messing with my shoe strings...i forget that that's one aspect he pays attention to.
b2c.
Posted by muffled on December 8, 2005, at 12:09:39
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by B2chica on December 8, 2005, at 9:08:47
I think I jiggle and fidget and look like a freaky crackhead.
Which I am not.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 8, 2005, at 14:03:37
In reply to So.....how DO you sit?!, posted by fairywings on December 6, 2005, at 19:27:17
hehee yeah i figured this would be a good thread. :)
I sit in a chair identical to hers, face to face, a few feet away. I always have my legs crossed. Sometimes I cross my arms too, or else just have my hands in my lap. And I don't move throughout the entire session! (No matter how uncomfortable I am!) I don't know why that is... it's like I'm literally afraid to move.
I hate the way I sit, and do think it affects the way I talk. I sit very professionally, so I tend to talk and act that way also... which is not necessarily a good thing (esp in therapy). There aren't any other seating options though; well except for the Freud couch which she has mentioned, but I am reluctant to try. Sometimes I wish I can sit on the floor. Tonight I wish I could sit and hide under her desk. :(
lgl
Posted by Poet on December 8, 2005, at 15:15:29
In reply to Re: So.....how DO you sit?! » Poet, posted by Dinah on December 7, 2005, at 19:34:56
Hi Dinah,
I think we make a fine pair of bookends.
I do try to not to cross my arms and legs immediately when I sit down in my T's office. Though I sit in the waiting area with them crossed, and if I could, I'd stumble into her office without uncrossing them. I think that should worry me more than it does. I know it would worry my T...
Poet
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 15:55:02
In reply to Bookends » Dinah, posted by Poet on December 8, 2005, at 15:15:29
:)
I never talked about it with my therapist until this thread, really. He may have mentioned something once or twice when I was really out there with my body language, but he doesn't mention the crossing.
I did good today. I uncrossed everything and tried, with his encouragement, to keep everything uncrossed. I ended up with my ankles crossed, but that doesn't count, does it? Oh, and my shoulders hunched inward so that I'm sure I still came across as closed. Every time I noticed some way I was closing myself off, I'd switch, but managed to find another way.
Your therapist sounds very accepting and non-judgemental. I love that about my therapist.
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