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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on December 7, 2005, at 19:43:20
In reply to Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 15:31:44
Therapists differ on gifts. I would imagine all but the biggest sticklers would accept a card.
But you have to be prepared for whatever happens. Someone gave their therapist a card, and it ended up in their file. :(
In all the years I've seen my therapist I've only ever given him a small Shona stone mother and child statue and a card for our tenth anniversary. The statue was on the bottom shelf of his bookcase at his old office. I'm not sure if he's let the office go, or what will happen to the contents. Sigh. I have no idea what happened to the card. It was full of photos.
I also once gave him a sheaf of posts by Babblers to him after the hurricane. I think (hope) that's in my file, because I really wouldn't want it just anywhere.
He accepted both very graciously, and he says he has no problem with occasional small gifts. But some therapists do.
How long have you been seeing yours?
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 20:52:43
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists » Anneke, posted by Dinah on December 7, 2005, at 19:43:20
I've been seeing her for almost a year (I posted an introduction below with more details) and I'm quite sure she'd accept a card and I'd doubt she'd put it in my file, although I'd be OK with that. I e-mail her almost every week and only after reading this board did I ask her if she put them into my file (frankly it hadn't occured to me!) and she said no...she only saves them until the next session so she can remember specifics, then she deletes them.
So, I think I'll go with a card....I'm kind of artsy in an abstract sort of way and besides, messing around with paints and stuff relaxes me!
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 20:54:35
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists » Anneke, posted by daisym on December 7, 2005, at 16:25:54
I've been working with her almost a year (I posted more details below in an intro thread) and I think she'd be fine with a gift and card...I'll probably stick with a card because I know myself and I'd stress too much over a gift!!
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 20:57:38
In reply to What ? T's giving gifts? is this normal? » Gee, posted by happyflower on December 7, 2005, at 19:02:07
My former therapist gave me a loaf of nut bread she made for Christmas....she said it was just something she loved to make and do. And she gave me a card as well. It was sweet (and yummy!) But, I suspect it's kind of out of the ordinary....
Posted by LadyBug on December 7, 2005, at 21:23:10
In reply to Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 15:31:44
I wish this thread would have been started last week. My therapist and I decided it would be ok to give her a card and bring a treat we could share. So I made her a scrap book style card, I thought it turned out pretty cute. I couldn't decide what to make for a treat and didn't want to take something she dis-liked and I don't know what she doesn't like. So I took some Hershey Cherry Cordial Kisses. Then I had some sub consicious wish going on and I decided to buy her a nice holiday smelling candle and a warmer to put it on. That was on Mon. of this week.
She accepted the card and the candy, but when it came time for the candle, we stopped and talked about it and I knew then and there she would have to refuse it. I knew I set myself up as she has a no gift policy with me and I KNOW IT!!!
So I took the candle etc. put in a bag I had with me and left. I felt rejected, sad and just horrible, but I did it to myself and I had to respect her for being strong enough to tell me "no".
The old me would have gathered up everything I brought, including the card, and told her to screw it and I'd leave crying. The pain of rejection was just too much for me to take.
Instead I left, felt horrible, but decided I needed to call her and tell her I was feeling so badly. After playing voice mail tag, we both agreed that I needed to come in and talk face to face. I went to see her tonight and we talked about all the reasons I did what I did.
So the dumb candle not only cost me money to buy, but it cost me more money to go back and hash it out with her!! Geez, I wonder about myself sometimes?????
So could I do it over again, the card and a homemade treat would have been perfect. But for whatever reason I had to get smaked in the face with it and learn the hard way. No more gifts for me!!!!!! Till further notice!!!!
I guess I thought, gee, it's Christmas, it's a time of year when we show the ones important to us how much we've appreciated them during the year. But that's just it, in therapy we need to "tell" that to our therapists, not try to cover it up with a gift. (My problem)
Now, I hope to move past it, learn from it and not be too hard on myself for making a mistake. I really beat up on myself for taking her a gift even though I knew without a doubt it was wrong!!!
Live and Learn.
Happy Gift Giving to all of you who are allowed to do so. As for me, I'm a recovering therapist gift giver!!!!! I told her she could give me a gift, I don't have those kinds of boundaries going on for myself!! LOL, We both laughed!
LadyBug
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 22:03:19
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Gee on December 7, 2005, at 16:47:14
Yeah, I'm thinking a homemade card will work well....personal and heartfelt but not expensive or "too much" in my mind....
How did it feel to get those gifts from your therapist? How long have you seen her?
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 22:05:37
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by happyflower on December 7, 2005, at 16:12:05
Mmmm....chocolates. It's funny because I simply don't know if my therapist is a chocolate lover. I always assume everyone loves chocolates as much as I do! My husband actually makes awesome chocolate-mint cookies. Maybe I could pass them off as mine?!?
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 22:08:25
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by sleepygirl on December 7, 2005, at 18:54:52
I love reading cards and trying to find "just the right one" but don't have so much time for that anymore, so making one will probably be more efficient (and ultimately meaningful, I hope) in the long run!
Posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 22:14:36
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by LadyBug on December 7, 2005, at 21:23:10
Oh I wish I had decided to de-lurk and post a week earlier, (maybe you could have avoided "excessive therapist gift giving" somehow!) but I guess that would have denied you this "wonderful growth opportunity" :) But, seriously, you should be proud of yourself for being able to respond in a way that shows the growth you've made. Good luck with continuing to be gentle with yourself....I always have a hard time not beating myself up over what I perceive as a "mistake" or "slip-up". And, I loved that you could joke with your therapist about her giving you a gift! So, what are you going to do with the candle??? Thanks for sharing your story.
Anneke
Posted by fallsfall on December 8, 2005, at 8:13:02
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by LadyBug on December 7, 2005, at 21:23:10
Ah yes. Love those "therapeutic opportunities".
Sounds like your therapist handled it well, and good for you for not beating up on yourself too much!!
Posted by fairywings on December 8, 2005, at 12:30:55
In reply to Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 15:31:44
I'm thankful that both my T and my pdoc have accepted small things from me very graciously. I actually gave my T something on one of the earliest appts., and he just seemed very pleased. My pdocs were kind of a joke, but he was just nice about it. I've been thinking about Christmas and decided on what to do for my T, but I'm having a terrible time with my pdoc because he doesn't reveal much. I like to buy stuff that has personal meaning, so I'm at a loss with him. I'm also doing cookies for the office staff.
fw
Posted by Shortelise on December 8, 2005, at 13:22:33
In reply to Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 15:31:44
I occasionally give him things. Little things. A few flowers in spring, a book, and a handmade blanket when his son was born. But not for holidays. CDN$276 an hour seems sufficient, even if it's paid by health care. :-)
ShortE
Posted by LittleGirlLost on December 8, 2005, at 14:19:54
In reply to Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 15:31:44
This is always a great thread because it's something I struggle with also. Every therapist is different, but usually something small is okay... and probably more okay if it's something you made.
I like to give my therapist something, but am not creative/crafty at all so I end up buying something. Nothing expensive though, and I try to find something with some kind of meaning.
lgl
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 16:06:44
In reply to nope, posted by Shortelise on December 8, 2005, at 13:22:33
That's sort of what I think too (re. the fee). :)
Plus I'm now giving him the gift of driving five + hours to see him round trip. I figure that's *got* to be a gift to his ego. (grin)
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 16:08:54
In reply to Re: nope » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 16:06:44
I don't give it to him for holidays, but I do sometimes give him symbolic gifts or behavioral gifts. I know we're supposed to make changes for ourselves, but in practice I'm more likely to make them as gifts to my therapist (or husband or whatever) because I'm touched or moved by something they've done.
Posted by Gee on December 8, 2005, at 17:30:28
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists » Gee, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 22:03:19
Anneke, I've seen her for maybe 3 years on and off. I always new I was one of her favourites (because I nice and polite to her and other people), but it still felt weird. The first one took me by total surprise, and the next one was a little too much.
We still communicate through e-mail and the occasional phonecall, but it's more like friends.
She was a mental health "worker" who came into my school once a week to work with kids. A lot of the kids she saw were failing out of school and part of the "other group" we had at our school. My highschool was very different. I don't know if I can really explain it. She was only suppose to see me until I turned 19, but she kept seeing me longer because I was still struggling.
Posted by rubenstein on December 8, 2005, at 19:12:28
In reply to Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 15:31:44
I was thinking a card and a bookmark, for he always talks about how much I read. I think I will chicken out and give it to him at the end of the session, then he won't be able to escape it. heheheheheheh
but yet I still worry about it
but what else is new?
rachel
Posted by happyflower on December 8, 2005, at 21:15:25
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by rubenstein on December 8, 2005, at 19:12:28
Do you think I should ask my T say hey, I made some homemade chocolates for x-mas, would you like to have a box? Or do you think I should surprise him and drop the box off not during my appointment but a few days before Christmas? What do you think? My appointment is next Thurs. and I am not sure I will be done with all the chocolates by then.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 9, 2005, at 7:10:59
In reply to nope, posted by Shortelise on December 8, 2005, at 13:22:33
I've never given him anything. I don't know why. I guess it's just not something that feels right in our therapy relationship. However, I did purchase a book that I was planning to give him at termination. LOL, that was more than a year ago now, I think. :) I don't know if I will still give it to him. It doesn't seem as fitting now.
No cards, gifts, etc. I honestly have no idea how he would react, either. I guess I just don't want to go there.
gg
Posted by allisonross on December 9, 2005, at 10:25:41
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by Anneke on December 7, 2005, at 22:14:36
I give him something for Christmas, New Years, and...his birthday.
As he said to me: "Your language of love is giving gifts." True
He built his own telescope and is interested in astronomy; doing a "Name A Star" thing...
Ally
Posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 11:40:24
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists, posted by happyflower on December 8, 2005, at 21:15:25
> Do you think I should ask my T say hey, I made some homemade chocolates for x-mas, would you like to have a box? Or do you think I should surprise him and drop the box off not during my appointment but a few days before Christmas? What do you think? My appointment is next Thurs. and I am not sure I will be done with all the chocolates by then.
I don't think he'd turn that down. Sounds nice to me. I'd vote appt. time.
fw
Posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:50:16
In reply to Re: Holiday gifts for therapists » happyflower, posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 11:40:24
Posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 11:57:48
In reply to Thanks, FW, any other votes? (nm), posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:50:16
I'd vote for appointment time, too. I guess that's because things could weird if I saw other patients or clients waiting. It could just make things awkward, speaking for myself. I think he would really like to get them directly from you.
Posted by vwoolf on December 10, 2005, at 3:55:15
In reply to Re: Thanks, FW, any other votes? » happyflower, posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 11:57:48
I once tried to give my t some a small gift and she refused to take it. She also put me through a long process of questioning, so I will never try again.
But a few months ago, when my first book was published, I took her a copy. She accepted it at once, checked to see if there was a dedication, said "thankyou" very quickly, and put it away. My dedication said that it would not have been written without her, and she knows that well. She has never commented on it again, however, so I don't even know whether she has read it. But I'm sure she has.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 10, 2005, at 13:33:03
In reply to Re: Thanks, FW, any other votes?, posted by vwoolf on December 10, 2005, at 3:55:15
This is the end of the thread.
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