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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
Hi. I'm new. I posted once on newbies...but this is my first 'real one'. You all are so supportive of eachother...I admire every one of you....
I don't know what to say.
Just that I am feeling unlike myself and I have been like this on and off for a while.
Waiting and waiting.....
and waiting to feel better.
People ask how school is. 'Oh, it's good' (but I haven't gotten up all week, I will fail (again)if I don't make it to finals next week.)
I sit and stare at nothing. For hours. I see things in the corner of my eye. I feel disconnected. I wake up and I can't figure out where I am.
....but I am cheerful to company.
How can someone be so 'normal' in public and so crazy alone? How can it be so hard for me to accomplish things when I can put up such a good front? I can fake it. So nothing must be wrong. It's all in my head.
So I go to therapy.
...but sometimes I can't even make it to my T.
I have nothing to say to him.
I just want out.
(nervous, embarrassed, creeps slowly away...)
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 1:32:54
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
Hi ali_b
SOunds like depression to me, friend.
Lots of times I felt completely nuts, but no one else seemed to notice.
Unasked for advice: talk to your T, to yourself, to your rabbit, to the moon. Talk and talk until the truth comes out. They say it sets us free.
I see things out of the corner of my eye all the time. I figure that's ok.
Be kind to yourself ali_b. And stay here with us, talk with us, and you'll be held tenderly, too.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on December 9, 2005, at 4:53:32
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
Hello, and welcome!
> Just that I am feeling unlike myself and I have been like this on and off for a while.
It’s not a good feeling, is it? I hate feeling unlike myself.
> People ask how school is. 'Oh, it's good' (but I haven't gotten up all week, I will fail (again)if I don't make it to finals next week.)
>
> I sit and stare at nothing. For hours. I see things in the corner of my eye. I feel disconnected. I wake up and I can't figure out where I am.Yep. That sounds like me!
> ....but I am cheerful to company.
>
> How can someone be so 'normal' in public and so crazy alone? How can it be so hard for me to accomplish things when I can put up such a good front? I can fake it. So nothing must be wrong. It's all in my head.I’m much the same. I put on a great show in public. I’m absolutely fine when I’m with people. But then I sit at home and stare at the walls. I don’t have the energy to get up and make a sandwich. I can’t watch TV and I can’t read. I can’t concentrate. And no one else would ever guess.
It’s not unusual. Some depressed people seem fine when they’re out in public. But I have to say, sometimes I can’t face leaving the house because I know I’ll have to be fine and I can’t imagine doing it.
> So I go to therapy.
>
> ...but sometimes I can't even make it to my T.Does he know that you’re feeling so unwell that you can’t drag yourself to therapy?
> I have nothing to say to him.
>
> I just want out.
>
> (nervous, embarrassed, creeps slowly away...)Are you on meds? My doc told me I was too unwell for therapy and that I’d need to take meds for a while before I could talk about stuff.
I suppose if you can’t feel much sense of hope or the possibility of change it would be hard to say anything in therapy. Is that what’s going on for you?
I know if someone asked me, “Why do you feel so unhappy?” I’d say, “I don’t know. I just do.”
But when I’m feeling a bit better maybe I’ll be able to say, “I can’t face work because I feel I’ve fallen so far behind I’ll never catch up.” And then I’ll discover that it’s not really a disaster; that even though I’m behind I haven’t failed completely…
That might be true for you too. Even though you feel you’ve missed a lot and that failure is likely, in fact you haven’t failed. You are not currently failing. You can still pass. It’s hard to imagine, when everything seems hopeless. I can almost hear you thinking you can’t possibly pass and what would Tamar know? Well, it’s true I don’t know everything. But I know that in the school where I work we try to help students with depression; we allow them to postpone exams, we give them extra time with coursework; we understand that they have a serious illness. I hope your school is similarly understanding.
I don’t know you, and I don’t know your circumstances, but I think you sound very depressed and I think you should see a doctor as soon as possible. You’re not managing to study, no matter how cheerful you might seem in public. That’s not trivial.
Oh, and try not to beat yourself up. Being unwell is not a moral weakness. If you had a bad case of flu you wouldn’t expect to be able to study. Depression is no different.
I hope you begin to feel better soon.
Tamar
Posted by cubic_me on December 9, 2005, at 7:39:57
In reply to Re: A shy hello... » ali_b, posted by Tamar on December 9, 2005, at 4:53:32
I think what you are going through is pretty normal for depression for some people. I'm much the same, being pretty 'normal' in public but when I have a day off (like today) I can't get out of bed, it takes me an hour to get the energy to go to the bathroom.
A combination of therapy and a bit of medication can really help for some people. There is a way out of all this, it won't be like this forever, even though it might feel never ending at the moment.
Posted by Anneke on December 9, 2005, at 7:50:04
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
Hi there!
I'm new around here too...it's good to see another new name.
You're certainly not alone in feeling like if you can "fake it" in public then "nothing is wrong". I'm that way too....I recently confided to a group of friends that I've been in therapy for the last two years struggling with severe depression and anxiety and they were shocked.
It can be really hard to talk about how bad you're feeling (especially if you've never had an opportunity to in the past) but I agree with Shortelise that talking really can help set free the stuff inside. And Tamar has a ton of good advice in her post both about medication and seeking out help from your school.
You do sound depressed and you deserve to start to feel better....Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Annke....waving an enthusastic hello
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 8:06:59
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
Hello and welcome!
Are you taking any medication for depression? I found that it gave me sort of a floor so that I didn't drop so far that I was unable to benefit from therapy.
It's not all in your head. It sounds very familiar. I hope you're able to tell your therapist the extent of how you're feeling.
Posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 9:58:12
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
> Hi. I'm new. I posted once on newbies...but this is my first 'real one'. You all are so supportive of eachother...I admire every one of you....
Hi Ali! Welcome!
> Just that I am feeling unlike myself and I have been like this on and off for a while.
> > Waiting and waiting.....
> > and waiting to feel better.Does sound like depression, do you have a pdoc for meds?
> People ask how school is. 'Oh, it's good' (but I haven't gotten up all week, I will fail (again)if I don't make it to finals next week.)
I sit and stare at nothing. For hours. I see things in the corner of my eye. I feel disconnected. I wake up and I can't figure out where I am.You're not alone, I know others have said they feel that way, and that sounds like me too. You can't get up, can't make yourself move, not any part of your body. You sit and get so far behind, then you feel paralyzed and can't do anything, and then you feel guilty for all of it.
> ....but I am cheerful to company.
> How can someone be so 'normal' in public and so crazy alone? How can it be so hard for me to accomplish things when I can put up such a good front? I can fake it. So nothing must be wrong. It's all in my head.I think it not unusual to feel horrible inside, but feel like we have to put on a show for others. To not want others to know there's anything wrong. It's not all in your head.
> So I go to therapy.
> ...but sometimes I can't even make it to my T.Can you get to your T, but tell him things in writing? If I couldn't do this I wouldn't get anywhere. I couldn't tell him anything. I"m sure I'll get to the point where I can express myself verbally, but right now it makes me feel too exposed.
> I have nothing to say to him.
> I just want out.Sounds like you need to talk. Is he helping at all? Is he trying to draw you out? Is it a good fit do you think?
> (nervous, embarrassed, creeps slowly away...)
Please don't. Please come back and talk.
fw
Posted by B2chica on December 9, 2005, at 11:05:02
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
first, welcome! to babble. they're the best here. it sounds like depressive symptoms to me...you say it's been like this for a while. please talk with someone, your T, you GP, or find a pdoc. either way, you need some guidance. you may or may not need medication but i do know for sure that you don't need to feel that way. it's terrible.
and yes i'm the queen of facades. I can be whatever you need me to be 'out there', but inside i'm screaming or crying. 'never let them see' that's why i grew up with. that's what i keep now.
please open up and let people help you.the people here are great. glad you spoke up.
keep it coming. sometimes....many times it's easier to tell these folks what Really hurts me inside rather than t or pdoc. sometimes i take a post in to T to help.welcome.
cares.
b2c.
Posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:48:17
In reply to Re: A shy hello... » ali_b, posted by B2chica on December 9, 2005, at 11:05:02
Posted by muffled on December 9, 2005, at 13:17:54
In reply to A shy hello..., posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 0:05:39
Posted by Gee on December 9, 2005, at 16:12:28
In reply to Re: A shy hello... » ali_b, posted by B2chica on December 9, 2005, at 11:05:02
Posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 20:14:31
In reply to HI and Welcome!! (nm), posted by Gee on December 9, 2005, at 16:12:28
Wow, you all are so nice....
Yeah, depression. I've been on meds since June. At first it was for psychosis (fell so far down, I went a bit loopy, I guess) and then I've been trying various other things but still feel so strange and foggy and sick.
My T (who is also a dr.) wants to admit me tonight. bc I'm not making it to outpatient apts and I am losing my senses...and I have been having strange thoughts.
THANK YOU for being so nice.
Posted by muffled on December 9, 2005, at 20:28:31
In reply to Thank you!, posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 20:14:31
Posted by fallsfall on December 9, 2005, at 22:16:06
In reply to Thank you!, posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 20:14:31
Going to the hospital can be kind of scary. But for me it was really helpful. I've been twice. The hospital can do a couple of things for you. They can adjust meds faster because they can keep an eye on you. They can keep you safe if you are suicidal. They can give you people to talk to so you can work through things. They can let you meet other people who have similar problems so you don't feel so alone.
What do you think about going?
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 23:08:32
In reply to Thank you!, posted by ali_b on December 9, 2005, at 20:14:31
((ali_b)))
This is the end of the thread.
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