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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
It's been one year exactly today.
He was funny - I told him at our last session (day before yesterday) and it did surprise him. I said to go ahead and check if he wanted to, but he ought to know better, as anniversaries, tracking passage of time between events, etc., are big deals for me, and *everyone* who knows me knows I rarely get these things wrong or mixed up. So while he's nodding agreement, and I think, saying he's not going to check...I watch him {sort of sneakily} flipping back in my chart he's holding on his lap....then he says, "yup, 12/8/04..." to which I pretty much burst out laughing, saying "I TOLD you!" and almost spilling my travel mug of coffee- all at the same time! He was starting to laugh, too - at himself, apparently - because once I composed myself, I asked, "Why on earth did you look it up right as you were saying you weren't going to...?"
He just looked like a little boy caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, just shrugged, and said, "I dunno. I have no idea. Couldn't stop myself?"
It was prety cute, actually. And I surprised myself by not being offended he hadn't kept track and didn't know it was one year this week. Maybe that's progress? Maybe I'm more willing to recognize and accept all the other things that he's said and done to show I'm important to him? So, I don't *need* to get all hurt and freaked out by imagined slights...this is different behavior for me. More relaxed, understanding, and trusting and less defensive and dramatic.
I think I like it.
Now, as for this darn card I got him for this anniversary, that he said I could slip under his outer office door today (I didn't have it ready last time, and said I didn't want to wait till next time).... For some reason every time I open it to write wonderful, pithy, meaningful things on the inside, I go blank.
Weird. I never thought this card would to be hard to write. But I'm having trouble accessing my feelings. Or maybe...it's that we've had such intensity lately, and I've been so honest, there seems less to write in a card...?
I dunno. But I gotta get it written tonight. Hopefully, something will come to me.
I could just put what I keep thinking...
A whole year...wow.
But I guess I can do better than that. He definitely deserves a bit more.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 8, 2005, at 19:19:30
In reply to Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
It'd be hard for me to say what I needed to. I think it's a lovely gesture.
Happy Anniversary :-)
Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:29:50
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » 10derHeart, posted by sleepygirl on December 8, 2005, at 19:19:30
Thanks, sleepy. You're very sweet :-)
I think he's looking forward to reading it.
Hey, T's need the feedback and affirmation, too, sometimes, right? Just not *too* often or *too* much :-)
Better go write it and quit Babbling as an excuse not to... ;-)
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:28:43
In reply to Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
Happy anniversary!
A card sounds lovely. But remember that you tell him how much you appreciate him all the time. Not only in words, but when you're "more relaxed, understanding, and trusting and less defensive and dramatic". :) If you can't find the words that seem exactly right to you, he does know.
Or as my husband says "It's the other 364 days that really express how you feel."
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:45:11
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:28:43
I think that came out differently than I intended. I remember how I agonized over my card this year, and even gave it to him early because I couldn't stand the anxiety.
I know that it's a big deal.
I just wanted to point out all the wonderful gifts you give him the rest of the time.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 21:53:03
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 20:45:11
lol. I think it came out fine.
I do remember your anxious-card-time! But that was 10 years, right? Huge!
Oddly, it seems like I still want to do it, but it's actually *not* such a big deal. Hard to know if I should view that as good or bad. But I'll bet waiting to see what he says about it (4 days) will be a *plenty big deal*!
I like your husband's saying very much :-) Except, I suppose, if he uses it as part of justification to not commemorate anniversaries (err...wedding?) that are important to you! Then, I wouldn't like his saying so much any more at all. ;-) But that doesn't sound like him.
This is good...this just reminded me of another thing I said to my T. while he was trying (and failing) to look all cool and collected about his audacity in checking my memory for important dates. I told him he's lucky this isn't a different sort of male/female relationship, 'cause the forgetting-the-exact-date part would put him in real hot water with me!
That got me a smile and a laugh.
{psst...Dinah....don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure you're not the only one who's doing some nonsexual flirting in therapy...and, I know it's waaaaay lovely for me to make him laugh....}
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 22:55:38
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 21:53:03
> lol. I think it came out fine.
>
> I do remember your anxious-card-time! But that was 10 years, right? Huge!Yep. Going on eleven now. Feels strange. :)
>
> Oddly, it seems like I still want to do it, but it's actually *not* such a big deal. Hard to know if I should view that as good or bad. But I'll bet waiting to see what he says about it (4 days) will be a *plenty big deal*!I *hate* waiting, but I'm getting better at it I guess. Don't forget to update us!
>
> I like your husband's saying very much :-) Except, I suppose, if he uses it as part of justification to not commemorate anniversaries (err...wedding?) that are important to you! Then, I wouldn't like his saying so much any more at all. ;-) But that doesn't sound like him.I'm more likely to forget than he is! I think it's more a general protest at the intensity of expectations of "special" days. I kind of like his saying too. :)
>
> This is good...this just reminded me of another thing I said to my T. while he was trying (and failing) to look all cool and collected about his audacity in checking my memory for important dates. I told him he's lucky this isn't a different sort of male/female relationship, 'cause the forgetting-the-exact-date part would put him in real hot water with me!
>
> That got me a smile and a laugh.
>
> {psst...Dinah....don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty sure you're not the only one who's doing some nonsexual flirting in therapy...and, I know it's waaaaay lovely for me to make him laugh....}
>
lol. Yes. Even when I didn't intend to make him laugh, and even when I don't really get what he's laughing at (and he always explains if I look puzzled) I love when he laughs.I think I'm going to have to recognize that I'm swinging too far in that direction, though. I guess since Daddy's death, I've been trying to take parts of that relationship and stick it into this one. I wonder if my therapist realizes. *I* am sure not going to tell him.
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 1:36:49
In reply to Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
I love this story, 10der.
I wrote my T a simple "thank you" a couple of years ago when I was feelings particularly grateful for his skills. That's all I wrote. Just thank you, in a nice card. He knew what I meant.
ShortE
Posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 9:46:23
In reply to Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
Happy Anniversary 10der,
I'm glad you're feeling better because of therapy. I would go blank with a card too, but I'm sure whatever you expressed, it will be appreciated by your T.
Gee, now I'm glad I do most of my communicating in therapy through writing, it gives me a chance to tell him the ways I appreciate him, that I just couldn't do verbally.
fw
Posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:32:00
In reply to Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
I like - "A whole year - wow." It says so much.
You've described him and your relationship in so many ways in past posts - maybe go back through some of those? It is interesting to read your early stuff when you started working with him, it was mostly comparisons to T1...to now when it (usually) is all about him and you. So much growth.
I know you hit a really rough spot recently. But your struggle with this card shows just how deeply you care and that is a really wonderful thing.
I'm sure that no matter what you end up writing, he will love it.
Posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:47:41
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:32:00
My one year anniversary of therapy is coming up in early January. I can't believe I have been in therapy so long. I thought I would be done in a couple of months, my T said 6 months.
Well he said it is like this. Many people have problems like a clogged up sink drain in their house, well I have a whole skyscaper of clogged drains that need to cleaned out.
Wouldn't it just be cheaper to hire a plumber, I should of asked. LOL
Posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 11:54:07
In reply to Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
Congratulations on one year of hard work, I'm sure.
I'm pretty convinced whatever you decide to write, he will be touched and appreciative of your heartfelt words and thoughtfulness.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 9, 2005, at 22:43:23
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » 10derHeart, posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 1:36:49
Thanks, ShortE, I got to relive it a little writing about it :-)
I love that some people like you can leave things simple when they are enough. I rarely can. I'm pretty verbose, always restating things and worrying that other people won't understand if I don't use more words.
But I mean well. And that is just *me* - talkative and also a copious writer.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 9, 2005, at 22:56:08
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » 10derHeart, posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 9:46:23
Thanks, it is a happy thing mostly, although I still worry a lot it's too long, or too much, or I'm doing it wrong...blah, blah......
I have been able to tell this T, and ex-T. both in writing and a little bit verbally how much they meant to me. A lot of it by email, so email means an awful lot to me, for that and other reasons. But it wasn't always easy. Sometimes I mumbled and stared at the floor, frozen with fear. Sometimes I thought I'd die from the anxiety after writing something very open and direct, thinking either of them would hate it, or reject me, or something.
But their responses have put some nice smiles on my face, and been some of the warmest moments I've ever had with another human being. I guess I'm learning and relearning that the possibility of being appreciated, cared for and even loved back IS worth the risk. Gets alittle easier with Ts as good as I've been blessed with, but as for IRL people...oh, that's so very much harder.
Maybe, given more time, that will get easier, too. I'm hopeful.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 9, 2005, at 23:08:33
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:32:00
> I like - "A whole year - wow." It says so much.
You're right. Perhaps I should have taken a page from ShortE's book and stuck with that. But I didn't. (Later I hope to post about what I did write in the card as an update to this thread.)
> You've described him and your relationship in so many ways in past posts - maybe go back through some of those?
I actualy did! Thanks for suggesting it, though. This was actually the first time I've really gone back and read my old Babble posts. It's quite strange.
>> It is interesting to read your early stuff when you started working with him, it was mostly comparisons to T1...to now when it (usually) is all about him and you. So much growth.
You are probably right on there. And it touches me you'd notice and remember. ((daisy)) Yes, we've talked about the change, the movement away from T1 and toward him. It's been possible, I believe, AND possible to talk about it, because this T. allows and encourages me to talk about T1 any time I want. Always has and is so very respectful about that, even though it must tax him at times, because I'm sure without meaning to (at least months ago) I sometimes made T1 sound like he was perfect...(he wasn't) and so it must be kind of hard for T. to hear over and over, and not be tempted to show annoynace, or slip into trying to "live up to" something.
>
> I know you hit a really rough spot recently. But your struggle with this card shows just how deeply you care and that is a really wonderful thing.Yes. Yes. You are right.
>
> I'm sure that no matter what you end up writing, he will love it.I won't have details till next Wednesday, but I think I did okay and he's pleased...he tried to "cheat" with an email {gasp!) today...I promise I'll explain in another post
Thanks for talking about this with me, Daisy. The whole topic of cards and anniversaries feels right and good and solid, and even nicer sharing with Babblers.
Posted by 10derHeart on December 9, 2005, at 23:38:45
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings, posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:47:41
I know, my T. and I both could hardly believe it's been a year. Therapy time "flies" even more than regular time, or something.
Lol...I think I might have to ask my T. how he likes being my Liquid Plumber or Draino....and see how he looks at me! I suppose then I'd have to explain about the clogs. He'd like it - we always talk in metaphors anyway.
Hey...just think, after you get past the holiday card thing, you'll have to decide whether to do something for your "Tanniversary!"
We've both got those events back-to-back, just opposite in order...I'll do this card, then search for the just *the* right Christmas card for him, too. I think I'l mail that one to his office address, just to throw him off guard :-)
Posted by 10derHeart on December 9, 2005, at 23:41:17
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » 10derHeart, posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 11:54:07
Thanks, it is hard work, isn't it? Mirrors life itself, I guess. Up and down, easier and harder, joy and pain, etc.
I hope he gets the right message. I think he will. It never ceases to amaze me how significant these gestures become in therapy.
Posted by fairywings on December 12, 2005, at 9:43:03
In reply to Re: Therapy anniversary ramblings » fairywings, posted by 10derHeart on December 9, 2005, at 22:56:08
>>Sometimes I thought I'd die from the anxiety after writing something very open and direct, thinking either of them would hate it, or reject me, or something.
> But their responses have put some nice smiles on my face, and been some of the warmest moments I've ever had with another human being.
> Maybe, given more time, that will get easier, too. I'm hopeful.Wow 10der, that's so awesome. How do you tell them how much you appreciate them? I really struggle with this too. It's hard to tell someone how much they mean to you unless it's a spouse or child. Sometimes I wonder if it's okay to feel the way I do, you know? I have trouble conveying most feelings, but this type of thing, along with hurt, sadness, fear and anger are hard too. I guess because I wasn't allowed to have those strong emotions as a kid.
I admire your strength,
fw
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