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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
Well I saw my T yesterday. I just wanted to share with you all how it went since I was so angry/hurt about her not calling back and all...
I think it went well. She was in her brand new office which was interesting. A new setting actually helped me get out of my typical role that I've taken on with her. So we talked some about how I felt about her not calling, and I told her how I really just didnt want to talk at all. We also discussed some how I dont feel like she's hearing me recently. I didnt "let her have it" like I'd sort of been planning to.. I was just feeling sort of blank and dulled out yesterday and the intensity just wasnt there. But I think she got the message anyway. Towards the end, she made a comment I didnt agree with (and I've told her over and over that I dont agree) and I got really frustrated and almost started crying.. I bit my lip and calmed down, which I think she noticed.. but even that was a big deal for me. The day I cry in therapy will be a big, big day, and I know I'm getting closer. That feels good.
I am still feeling a little scared to trust her, but overall I'm feeling much better. I really said what I needed to say. If she doesnt get it now, then I think I can honestly say it isnt my fault - I said all I can say.
One thing did hit me after the session. She was talking about how she doesnt feel like it's right for her to teach me to swim by pushing me into the water (referring to being emotional and not wanting to force me). Rather, she said, she'll sit by the edge of the pool with me and put in her big toe with me, or put our legs in the water when I'm ready, and sit with me until I'm ready to get all the way in. At the time, I was just feeling frustrated because most of me wants to just be pushed in, and I didnt feel like she was hearing that.. but it struck me later.. that IS caring. It's just not the way I was looking for it. In a sense, she's taking care of me and protecting me, just like I want her to... just not in the way I had expected to find it. It's not what I'm used to, but it's probably the best thing for me. The best way to care. My family and others have always either ignored me completely or "pushed me in" and let me fight my way back to shore. But she's going to wait with me until I'm ready. I cant believe this didnt hit me until now. It suddenly feels a little easier to wait an entire week to see her again than it usually does, because I know she's there and supporting me. I hope this feeling lasts.
Sometimes when I leave a session feeling really good like this, I set myself up for disappointment the next week. I do it over and over. I hope this isnt one of those times... because right now, I'm feeling good.
Posted by orchid on May 16, 2006, at 13:25:02
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
Good for you. Glad you figured out your Ts way of caring.
Posted by annierose on May 16, 2006, at 14:13:43
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
Your T sounds very wise and patient. Therapy is a team effort. She wants to sit by the edge with you, that is wonderful. A "good enough" mother would do that, she wouldn't push her daughter in the pool to test if she can swim or not.
My T would say a great deal of the "hard" work gets accomplished during the quieter sessions, where there are no "pressing issues" at hand. It may not feel as intense, but maybe you are getting a handle around some delicate issues.
Keep on talking and sharing with her.
Posted by milly on May 16, 2006, at 15:45:46
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
I'm so glad it went better for you, it should be nice to 'dangle your feet in together' much nicer than being pushed in because the water always gets up your nose when you're pushed!!
She sounds caring and patient
milly
Posted by madeline on May 17, 2006, at 5:09:31
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
That GREAT! Just fabulous. I'm so happy for you.
What a wonderful image, sitting by the pool with you until you are ready to jump in. How comforting and nice.
I know what you mean about "setting yourself up" for disappointment at the next appointment. Sometimes not only is it hard for us to trust people, it's hard for us to trust good feelings.
But even if she totally blows it in the next session, it won't change how you feel right now.
Right now, you know that she is a caring, patient therapist that genuinely has your best interest at heart and, as Martha Stewart would say, that's a good thing.
Way to go!
Maddie
Posted by fairywings on May 17, 2006, at 9:49:09
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
It does sound like a good session. Hope she continues to sit with you and wait - that sounds reassuring.
fw
Posted by Poet on May 17, 2006, at 10:24:33
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
Hi wishingstar,
Sticking that toe in the water is a safe way to ease yourself into deeper water. Daisy once told me, it's okay to let my T throw me a life line. It's okay to accept that life line if you get too deep in the water.
I hope the feeling that she's there for you and supporting you lasts, too.
Poet
Posted by wishingstar on May 17, 2006, at 21:36:55
In reply to saw T yesterday, posted by wishingstar on May 16, 2006, at 12:52:55
You all are right.. it does feel very caring. Part of me definitely wishes she'd just kick me in and "get on with it", but I've recently realized that she probably is doing what is actually best for me. Thanks for all the kind words.
Posted by happyflower on May 19, 2006, at 21:13:55
In reply to thanks everyone, posted by wishingstar on May 17, 2006, at 21:36:55
This is the end of the thread.
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