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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2007, at 16:09:53
A weird thing happened in therapy. I'm feeling a bit freaked out, especially after last week, when I gave him the finger without intending to!
I was telling him about my feelings of rejection one time a few weeks ago when my husband and I had planned to have sex that evening, and then when evening came my husband seemed to have forgotten the plan and settled down in front of the TV.
I told my therapist, "So I went to bed by myself." And then I added, "Which isn't the same thing at all."
And that would be fine if I had actually gone to bed by myself in order to have a bit of solo sex. But in fact I hadn't; I'd cried myself to sleep.
I don't know why I said it. I heard the words in my head as I was saying them and I knew it wasn't right, but I didn't know what to do about it. I feel so uncomfortable discussing sexual things with my therapist that I can't imagine why I would have led him to believe that I went for some quality time with my vibrator, when in fact nothing of the kind occurred.
What's wrong with me? Am I trying to hide my real feelings? Or am I trying to tell him something I don't want him to know? I feel as if I'm going completely crazy. And I absolutely hate lying, so somehow I'm going to have to tell him about this... I really don't know how.
Posted by Raindancer on January 26, 2007, at 16:48:02
In reply to lying to my therapist, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2007, at 16:09:53
Tamar, I don't think your T would necessarily have drawn that conclusion from what you said. We are so sensitive to what we say to our Ts and their responses. I don't think you need to worry about it at all. Could you try just letting it go? (((Tamar)))
Posted by caraher on January 26, 2007, at 18:04:31
In reply to Re: lying to my therapist, posted by Raindancer on January 26, 2007, at 16:48:02
Like Raindancer said, even if you thought the unspoken message that your trip to bed was for solo entertainment, "Bert" might not have picked up on that meaning. After all, "it's not the same" in many ways whether you did that, went to sleep or bawled your eyes out!
I can think of lots of reasons you might have wanted to leave that impression. You might be afraid he thought you overreacted - either that the slight from your husband didn't warrant that reaction, or that the slight was entirely imagined. (Speaking from experience, sometimes TV is simply a timekiller while waiting for something better to do; did you give him any kind of gentle reminder?)
Would you have said the same thing, with the same implication, to a friend? I guess I wonder how much is that you want to react to that a certain way, and how much of it is wanting to appear a certain way to your T. Is your "guard" down with him, or are you (not consciously) trying to impress him with your apparent emotional strength.
(((Tamar))) I'm sorry you felt rejected that night. I'm not so worried about what you said in therapy.
Posted by happykat on January 26, 2007, at 20:44:32
In reply to lying to my therapist, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2007, at 16:09:53
Hey Tamar,
Could it be that there's more going on with your DH that on some level you may want to talk about with your t. I know sometimes when I feel rejected by my DH it's hormonal or I'm tired. But often there is something deeper going on.
I don't think it hurts to just say flat out this is what I said and I don't know why I said it and see what your t has to say. If its too uncomfortable to say write it out and hand it to him.
If you can let it go, great. No harm, no foul. But if its still bugging you by the time your next session rolls around maybe it would be worthwhile to pursue it.
Good Luck!
Regards,
happykat
Posted by ShortElise on January 26, 2007, at 23:44:22
In reply to lying to my therapist, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2007, at 16:09:53
Tamar, There are times when I go away and figure things out on my own.
If I feel a strong need to figure it out, and I can't figure it out, the I'll take it back to my therapist to see if he can help me figure it out.
Were you using humour? Did you purposely lie or did it just kind of come out of your mouth the way it did and you just left it at that? If you'd said that to me, not counting the tone of voice, I would have understood that you went to bed alone, period. But you were there, and I wasn't.
Talking about crying myself to sleep would be painful, maybe too painful.
Tamar, do you think you could reframe this with a little intellectual curiousity? Like, hm, thisis an interesting process, where am I going here, what's next?
HUgs.
SHortE
Posted by Dinah on January 27, 2007, at 10:23:19
In reply to lying to my therapist, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2007, at 16:09:53
I think telling him the whole truth would have made me feel more vulnerable, and exposed the level that I cared about my husband. And there may be times when I really don't want to feel vulnerable for one reason or another.
It might be interesting to bring it up next session and discover what you were trying not to say, if in fact there was anything you were trying not to say.
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