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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on July 21, 2007, at 23:13:43
I was reading book on kids and it was saying as how traditions in a family are good and stabilizing.
We don't have traditions...
We barely do birthdays, only sorta...
Xmas is all over the map.
I hate holidays.
I think we don't have much traditions in part cuz I don't remember traditions particularly in my family of origin. But there were. My sis is big into traditions and stuff.
Go figger.
I wish I didn't have quite such a large memory hole :-(
I starting to think I a REALLY crappy Mom.
Does T help a person to be a better Mom?
Sh*t, I dunno WHAT to do.
We kinda small town....I hate to T hunt, cuz I'll proly run into someone I know.
And what of my old T? Don't wanto to hurt her feelings....
Hell, she proly DELIGHTED to get shut of frustrating me.
But I ascared to ask for a referral :-( Cuz that'd be hard :-( What would I say?
Oooops, tangent alert.
Oh well.
Least I feel less alone when I type.
M
Posted by slugdoo on July 22, 2007, at 9:06:13
In reply to IS traditions important d'ya think?, posted by muffled on July 21, 2007, at 23:13:43
Hi Muffy,
I didn't have any traditions growing up, but I knew I wanted that for me and my kids. But the thing is traditions can start at any time and they don't nessary have to be traditions from your childhood either.
But yeah, not there are so many traditions with my kids it can kinda drive you nuts trying to do it all. LOL And kids have great memories and dont' let you forget either. It is nice, but can be taxing.
Posted by ElaineM on July 22, 2007, at 11:36:52
In reply to IS traditions important d'ya think?, posted by muffled on July 21, 2007, at 23:13:43
Hi Muff, long time no see/read ;) I think that repetition/rountine is a stabilizing factor for kids. Like, when kids sometimes get the idea like, "hey, I know what's gonna come next", it can be comforting. But I don't think traditions have to be as formal as official gatherings or ceremonies. It can be the small things. Like, you make a certain meal a certain way, or take them to the same park, or watch the same tv show with them when it's on, or doing certain things when they're sick to make them feel better (soup, or sleeping with them, or giving them flat gingerale) and they know that when they're ill you'll be doing these things. Stuff like that. Do you have some small things like that? You probably don't even notice that you do them.
And I think that the fact that you're reading books about raising kids shows that you are a good mom. Not all moms would do that. Not all moms would care.
I think T's can sometimes help people change for the better, and that will spill over into other aspects of our lives (parenting, work, student, friend...) I suppose that's why I've done therapy. Hasn't worked in the best ways for me (yet?, or ever?) but I don't think I'm a worse person because of that.
I've been away a long time - I didn't know you stopped seeing your T. Did she move or stop practising or something? I still think she'd give you a referral either way. Sorry. She sounded like a good one.
(((Muff))) Hope your summer is going well.
blove, El
Posted by Racer on July 22, 2007, at 14:21:35
In reply to Re: IS traditions important d'ya think?, posted by ElaineM on July 22, 2007, at 11:36:52
As Elaine said, traditions don't have to be big things. And they can be made any time.
My husband and I have one tradition, which does come from my family -- on Sundays, I make palascintas for breakfast. He'd never had them, until I made them. We started that about three years ago. I'd always wanted to do it, and figured I'd start sometime. Probably when I had kids. Then, about three years ago, I realized that I was just leaving my life on hold -- so I started cooking them every Sunday. Now it's most Sundays, there are a few where I just can't for whatever reason, but it's something I look forward to. (Well, I look forward to eating them -- not necessarily to cooking them...)
And that extended itself to special breakfasts on Saturday, too, although that can be anything -- popovers, waffles, pancakes, crumpets.
Even our supermarket trips are a sort of tradition -- we go together, in my car, on Sundays. That's how simple a Family Tradition can be. Supermarket on Sundays, me taking my mother shopping on Mondays, having special breakfasts on weekends, my husband pounding chicken breasts for chicken Alfredo while I make the sauce, my husband chopping onions for the marinade for Chicken Satay while I mix the other ingredients -- that's how simple Family Traditions can be.
Think about your own family, Muff -- don't you have a few of those? Won't your kids remember, "Oh, yeah! When Momma made dinner, she always used to..." I'll bet there is something -- you're just trying to find something that was a tradition for you, when you were growing up, to pass on to your kids. They don't need to have that -- they can have the new traditions you make just for them.
Peace.
Posted by antigua3 on July 22, 2007, at 19:11:48
In reply to IS traditions important d'ya think?, posted by muffled on July 21, 2007, at 23:13:43
My T helped me tremendously to be a much better mother than I ever would have been without therapy. It's how we filled all those countless hours when I couldn't talke!
talk to her, she can help, or at least mine did.
antigua
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 1:27:35
In reply to Re: IS traditions important d'ya think?, posted by slugdoo on July 22, 2007, at 9:06:13
> Hi Muffy,
>
> I didn't have any traditions growing up, but I knew I wanted that for me and my kids. But the thing is traditions can start at any time and they don't nessary have to be traditions from your childhood either.
> But yeah, not there are so many traditions with my kids it can kinda drive you nuts trying to do it all. LOL And kids have great memories and dont' let you forget either. It is nice, but can be taxing.**Ya good thot SD, maybe we can make some of our own?
I just get nervous even thinking sbout it though....like I won't be able to follow up w/it, cuz I such a ditz.
I should do so though...
Thx SD,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 1:34:45
In reply to Re: IS traditions important d'ya think?, posted by ElaineM on July 22, 2007, at 11:36:52
> Hi Muff, long time no see/read ;) I think that repetition/rountine is a stabilizing factor for kids. Like, when kids sometimes get the idea like, "hey, I know what's gonna come next", it can be comforting. But I don't think traditions have to be as formal as official gatherings or ceremonies. It can be the small things.
**EL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Good to 'see' you again!!!!! How you doing? Glad you still around!!! :-)
Yeah :-( I SO agree that it is proly stabilizing for kids to have routine. I never have been able to come up with it though. I dunno why? I would like to find out.>Like, you make a certain meal a certain way, or take them to the same park, or watch the same tv show with them when it's on, or doing certain things when they're sick to make them feel better (soup, or sleeping with them, or giving them flat gingerale) and they know that when they're ill you'll be doing these things. Stuff like that. Do you have some small things like that? You probably don't even notice that you do them.
**Well, sorta....I just fly by the seat of my pants alot. I amstarting to think its the damn dissociation that messes me up :-( and thats why I SO inconsistant.
>
> And I think that the fact that you're reading books about raising kids shows that you are a good mom. Not all moms would do that. Not all moms would care.**I am TRYING. Honest I am. I LOVE my kids. I just seem to be so deficient when it comes to getting things done.
> I think T's can sometimes help people change for the better, and that will spill over into other aspects of our lives (parenting, work, student, friend...) I suppose that's why I've done therapy. Hasn't worked in the best ways for me (yet?, or ever?) but I don't think I'm a worse person because of that.**Awww El, your are a NICE person, try and know this.
> I've been away a long time - I didn't know you stopped seeing your T. Did she move or stop practising or something? I still think she'd give you a referral either way. Sorry. She sounded like a good one.**My T is good, but I think I may have come to the end of what her particular strenghs are...
> (((Muff))) Hope your summer is going well.**:-) (((((EL))) Thanks!
Muffled
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 1:40:58
In reply to Define traditions?, posted by Racer on July 22, 2007, at 14:21:35
> Even our supermarket trips are a sort of tradition -- we go together, in my car, on Sundays. That's how simple a Family Tradition can be. Supermarket on Sundays, me taking my mother shopping on Mondays, having special breakfasts on weekends, my husband pounding chicken breasts for chicken Alfredo while I make the sauce, my husband chopping onions for the marinade for Chicken Satay while I mix the other ingredients -- that's how simple Family Traditions can be.
**you sound like a nice family .
> Think about your own family, Muff -- don't you have a few of those? Won't your kids remember, "Oh, yeah! When Momma made dinner, she always used to..." I'll bet there is something -- you're just trying to find something that was a tradition for you, when you were growing up, to pass on to your kids. They don't need to have that -- they can have the new traditions you make just for them.**((((Racer)))
Thanks.
Sigh.
I messed up all right. We half the time eat kraft dinner or soup[ and crackers or canned stuff. Everybody complained bout my cooking, so I don't cook no more :0(
I am ALL OVER, I get scared to start some tradition cuz then I won't be able to keep it up.
I have such an awful memory.
I LOATH holidays, and it just occured to me that that is mebbe why I steer clear of traditions, cuz they remind me of holidays...
I feel real bad bout my utter inconsistancy.
Thanks for your ideas Racer.
Hope you doing Ok.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 1:41:36
In reply to Re: IS traditions important d'ya think? » muffled, posted by antigua3 on July 22, 2007, at 19:11:48
Posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 11:43:36
In reply to Re: Define traditions? » Racer, posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 1:40:58
hi muffy,
sorry i'm late on response. seems like others had very good comments.
i didn't really have traditions in our family growing up...we celebrated xmas and all, but sometimes on eve, sometimes with extended family...etc. but that was pretty much it.
and i agree with slugdoo, this is something that i want for my children. but it can be anything like something around the beginning of school for kids (maybe shopping day) something you maybe have to do anyway...but just make it "special". or second saturday in month just you and kid kinda thing....it can be anything...just make it yours.
but you say you're worried about not 'keeping with it'. i certainly understand that. but you could start with making it just a special "day", or "dinner" or some such. then if you can, do it again....and if you can...again.
one special day at a time. many special days=tradition.
but kids will cherish any special days they can get. i guarantee.best wishes ((((muffly))))
Posted by Racer on July 23, 2007, at 13:41:55
In reply to Re: Define traditions? » Racer, posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 1:40:58
> >> Sigh.
> I messed up all right. We half the time eat kraft dinner or soup[ and crackers or canned stuff. Everybody complained bout my cooking, so I don't cook no more :0(
>Or maybe your family tradition is that Mom doesn't cook? I've got that sort of family tradition, too -- I say I learned to cook in self-defense, which sounds like a joke, but... Truly -- my mother can make the fourteen course holiday meals, which I could never manage in a million years, but she used to set the broiler on fire trying to make hamburgers, or she'd get distracted and wander away while trying to broil lamb chops. (My mother's got her own disordered eating issues, and the real problem was that she was afraid of eating too much, so denied any pleasure in food.) A good friend of mine was known for things like setting off her fire extinguisher when she turned on her oven -- because it was always so dusty from disuse. That can be a family tradition, too.
Maybe instead of thinking in terms of creating traditions, you could think in terms of Something Special -- maybe one day a month will be a Something Special day for your kids? Maybe go to the park, or the beach, or the local aquarium, or the zoo, or the arcade -- whatever would be a Something Special for your kids. You don't have to say anything to anyone about planning to continue it, just do it. And I'd almost guarantee that your kids will look back and remember, "Mom used to take us out for Something Special, remember?"
Your kids have a lovely mother, Muff. Don't you forget it. I said so, and you know I'm *always* right!
Peace.
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 22:56:53
In reply to Re: Define traditions?, posted by B2chica on July 23, 2007, at 11:43:36
Thanks for your encouragement B2.
You make it sound more doable.
Just do it once,
And mebbe again,
and mebbe again.
Don't sweat it.
Hmmmm.
There seems to be a consensus that its a good thing. So I gonna have to work harder at it.
Ya, but keep it simple.
Thanks ((B2))
Muffled
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 23:01:48
In reply to Or, maybe... » muffled, posted by Racer on July 23, 2007, at 13:41:55
> Or maybe your family tradition is that Mom doesn't cook?
A good friend of mine was known for things like setting off her fire extinguisher when she turned on her oven -- because it was always so dusty from disuse. That can be a family tradition, too.**setting off the alarm....mebbe we DO have a tradition! LOL!
> Maybe instead of thinking in terms of creating traditions, you could think in terms of Something Special -- maybe one day a month will be a Something Special day for your kids? Maybe go to the park, or the beach, or the local aquarium, or the zoo, or the arcade -- whatever would be a Something Special for your kids. You don't have to say anything to anyone about planning to continue it, just do it. And I'd almost guarantee that your kids will look back and remember, "Mom used to take us out for Something Special, remember?"**Ya I GOTO do this. Stop getting myself overwhelmed.
> Your kids have a lovely mother, Muff. Don't you forget it. I said so, and you know I'm *always* right!**Awww, thanks Racer, you a sweet one :-)
(((Racer)))
Muffled
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