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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by anneofkana on September 12, 2007, at 0:30:08
DH found out in July. June and July were sheer hell for me. The guilt, the addiction and the shame were driving me crazy. I thought about moving out of state to get away from T. I even had passive suicidal thoughts. I felt totally hopeless. I fell in love with him big time. He told me he loved me too and then said he had too much to drink when he told me (we met one evening). We had sex 5 times.. at this office and other places after hours. I was so addicted to him that there was no escape.
I found out that I was not his first. He had an affair a few months before me (not sure if she was a patient or not, allthough he said he had them with patients before ethics were such a big deal) It sent me over the edge, especially since I used no protection, thinking he had been celebate in his 23 year marriage.
Went to another state for intensive therapy with DH. DH has contacted him to settle out of court. DH is an attorney. I have to stay out of it for now, DH is very angry at T. I went to T for help, got infatuated as many clients do, fell inlove actually, and had sex with him.
I have not been able to work, go to school or do much of anything. I am a wreck. Truly a wreck. I have not talked with T in almost two months, when I called and told him about DH knowing facts. He had no concern about me, only himself.
I feel like such a fool. I want to hear his voice so bad but am afraid to contact him. I am expected to report this or other T will. This is so horrible. I wonder how long it will take me to recover.
I love my DH, but I also love T. I would think if T cared anything about ME, he would attempt to contact me. Guess he is afraid of DH and ramifications of his actions.
At first I felt guilty... ME... after almost 70 hours of intensive therapy out of state I realized that HE is the one responsible. Many woman fall for their T's, it is THEIR JOB to maintain professional boundries, not have sex with their clients.
This all sounds so good, but I am dieing inside. The tears flow too frequent and my heart is aching so badly. T said he didn't love his wife, blah, blah, blah....
Yes, I am also a professional and I am out of commission right now.
Please don't get involved with you T no matter how wonderful you think he may be. It is not worth the emotional pain that comes along with it..
Posted by med_empowered on September 12, 2007, at 0:30:09
In reply to Update on affair with therapist..., posted by anneofkana on September 11, 2007, at 22:21:22
wow. I hope you report(ed) this guy to the licensing board, or whomever deals with these things...hopefully your husband will shred his career.
Sorry this happened to you.
Posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2007, at 0:30:09
In reply to wow, posted by med_empowered on September 11, 2007, at 22:39:03
Are you suicidal now? Are you taking any med? Phillipa
Posted by Wittgenstein on September 12, 2007, at 3:48:29
In reply to Re: wow, posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2007, at 0:30:09
Your T should never ever have let this happen. It doesn't matter how you behaved toward him - you are not the one at fault here. Many clients develop intense feelings for their Ts and it is the T's responsibility to deal with these feelings professionally.
It must be heartbreaking to be in your position. You love him and likely want to protect him and his career but please make sure this man doesn't continue to do this to other patients, as he most likely will if left in his current position. You know first hand how damaging it is.
Please take care of yourself and let your husband stand up for you. I hope you are able to work through this experience with a good new T.
I also sense, that as much as you long for contact with your old T, it is best to move on and not to seek contact. In truth, whether for his self-preservation or not, the most caring thing he can do right now is let you move on and as hard as it is for him to learn from his mistakes.
Good luck,
Witti
Posted by anneofkana on September 12, 2007, at 6:51:56
In reply to Re: wow, posted by Wittgenstein on September 12, 2007, at 3:48:29
No, I am not suicidal. I do take an occasional valuium or ativan when the anxiety gets bad.
The desire to contact him is almost overwhleming. I know that what he did was wrong and yet, my heart is broken and I want/need him to valadate me in some way. Stinking thinking.
DH is very understanding because of the therapeutic relationship I had with him that I was vulnerable. Dam_ him!!!
Has anyone been through this?
The therapists out of state told me that as part of my own healing I need to report it. I am having a hard time with it. I am not rushing off to do anything. I need to get out of this "fog" that I am in. FOG!! I can't see the forrest for the trees and I am putting entirely too much energy into all of this. I want freedom. I am trying to work a 12 step program just like I would if it were a drug, which for me it has been. I get my "fix" from seeing him/talking to him/having sex with him, as disgusting as it sounds.
Present T is good and helps me stay focused. He has also helped DH a lot.
I would just like to know if anyone has been through this and how long it took to get free of it. There is a powerful bond between T and client. I would never have opened myself up and become so vulnerable with another man. I spilled my guts to him, if you know what I mean.
Thanks
Posted by Wittgenstein on September 12, 2007, at 6:58:08
In reply to Re: wow, posted by anneofkana on September 12, 2007, at 6:51:56
Anne,
Have you come across:
'In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists' by Deborah A. Lott and Marie Cohen
I haven't been through what you are going through but there are others out there who have. There are some very relevant chapters in the book above about how this kind of thing ends up happening and how women like you have felt and coped afterwards. It's a really good book and worth reading.
Witti
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 12, 2007, at 7:13:29
In reply to Update on affair with therapist..., posted by anneofkana on September 12, 2007, at 0:30:08
((((anneofkana)))))
I somewhat understand, I had emotional affair with many sexual overtones that could have let to sex if I allowed it. But I fired him a month ago, and found a new T. It was the best thing I have ever done, but I still miss him. It is so frickin hard sometimes. I told my new T about it, and he is like "well he is only human", but I told my doctor about and he said he might be human, but he was suppose to be a professional. He didn't completly cross the line like your T has done, but he was testing the waters. But luckly I saw this when his emotions got the best of him and he treated me terrible, I knew our relationship has crossed the normal boundries and couldn't go back.
It really sucks, I am glad you have your DH and your new T for support. But you are right, it isn't so wonderful. I hope you continue to heal, I hope the best for you.
Posted by raisinb on September 12, 2007, at 12:24:06
In reply to Re: Update on affair with therapist..., posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 12, 2007, at 7:13:29
Anne, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and I hope that you find some support.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but I wanted to thank you for posting this. I've had intense sexual feelings for my therapist on and off for a while, and it's so easy for me to think that if she really *cared* about me, she'd have an affair with me. I think posts like yours give me a good reality check.
Also, I don't quite agree with the Ts who told you that reporting *has* to be part of your healing. I don't know what the "accepted" procedure is, but I think that you can only do something like that when you're ready, because it can cause its own pain and stress.
This is the end of the thread.
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